The Beloved Pause in Our Beautiful Symphony (poem)

It is the pause between the notes played where the music is most felt and experienced….
It is the pause between the in breath and the out breath where the unknown and peace dwells….
It is in the pause of the open, connected, courageously vulnerable naked gaze into another’s eyes where true intimacy is experienced and explored…..
The pause…. oh, the pause…. so delicately balanced, holding the opposites of emotional drama with stillness and silence… of unwavering witness with quivering anticipation of the next ‘note’….
This silence, oh sweet delectable silence that highlights the energy within the most potently intimate crevices of our beings and interactions.
May we never lose an opportunity to experience the simple delights that life has to offer.
May our lives become a beautiful symphony.

All my love,
Elise

Art by Autumn Skye
Written by Elise Heyward

Live. Live. Live. (reflection and poetry)

I was contemplating after having my first night out with the girls dancing ‘just because’ and having fun for over fifteen years, what happened? Where did that time go? How did I wind up taking myself so god damned seriously? Oh, oh… responsibility. Kids. Marriage. Sleepless nights. Money woes…. oh, yes. I forgot…. But I did realise what inhibits me from being more present in my life now. I realised what I think about like a hamster in a wheel, constantly returning to set patterned thoughts within my mind. It revolves around still putting pressure on myself for things to look a certain way or wishing things could be different. Then I go into fix it mode. I spend more energy on trying to handle the situation so no one gets hurt. No one is put out. No one thinks little of me….What a waste of energy! When I was out, dancing to a dodgy band in a club with my old school friends from a ‘short’ time ago, I could feel my body come alive. Like CPR paddles jolting me alive with every beat the drummer played. The sweat forming, my muscles working to move me in whatever way my body felt called to be moved, and me pliable to every beat, note and chord felt. Letting the music move and writhe and sway my body which was slowly coming back to life…. The words: ‘Live, Live, LIVE’ echoed through me and reverberated like an endless thunderstorm deeply within as it pulsed through my body- the earth. Oh, to let go of control and let my body become the music…. sweet, sweet surrender…..

Here is a message for me that I got as an undercurrent when I was out. If it is for you, too then great!
‘It doesn’t have to be a quick snap- a quick change. Just step one step closer and when you know it’s time to step then do so. Do not force yourself to step based on others opinions, wait for that drum, that thunder inside to tell you. And that pressure you put on yourself on how things ‘should’ look, or how you wished things could be different….
This is it. This is your life.
So LIVE it
Whatever situation you find yourself in.
Live. Live. LIVE.
In the mud. In the heart break.
Live. Live. LIVE.
In the mourning. In the turmoil.
Live. Live. LIVE.
There is more to you.
So much more…..
Go inside. Feel that more.
Let go of control.
BE IN YOUR LIFE.
FEEL YOUR LIFE.
RADIATE YOUR LIFE.’

Wherever you are at with your soul path, it can be hard. But LIVE anyway. There is gold even in the shitty bits. Well, I’m reminding myself of that so I thought I’d remind you too.
To being real. To being authentic. To being here for ourselves in our precious life.
I’m here. Turning up. Who’s with me?

Art by Vanessa Lemon
Written by Elise Heyward

Surrender, Open, Merge, Allow (poem)

Let go…. let go into the night sky
No different from the expanse of the ocean….
Somewhere between the two,
In the space where the ocean and sky meet
Is where we rebirth- you and me…
Floating with both above and below
The invitation on the swell of the ocean
And the touch of the gentle breeze
Both praying for the same thing:
They whisper in unison,
From above, and from below
Poised in timeless, weightless space:-

“surrender, open, merge, allow…

surrender, open, merge, allow…

surrender, open, merge, allow….”

For there is more than what you see
More than just making money,
Or upholding the norm….
More than the friends you have
or the family you’re from…
The sacred mysteries come,
Come knocking and inviting,
Patiently inquiring and merging
within the depths of your soul.
“Is there more?” You’ve asked yourself before
And to this the answer you shall have
when opened to explore…
Courage is to open, to feel to trust
In the path not revealed,
but rather constantly unravelling…
But oh, what an exciting life awaits
On the other side of fear and restrictions.
More than a mere temptation,
And more than you’ve been told exists….
It beckons and becomes too loud to ignore
It’s down to choice and a willingness to see
At how passionate, and full, and sweet life can really be…

Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Nari

Sexuality Unravels Within (Poem)

 

Sweat sizzling the body, breathless poise in the afternoon sun.
Tangible desire fills me to the brim as I accept this truth in the moment…
Touching, holding, passion boiling deeply- so deeply within
Oh, recycling, breathing balancing the energy
Grounding, opening, loving self deeply-
Exploring the edges within, embodying powerful energy- letting be…
Can’t help but wonder about the lover within me
Patiently watching my fluidity dripping where the flame rises
To meet my cool water within…
Steam rises and moves through my body, exuding out of my skin
Caressing every part of me like the naked touch of a lover
Stay….. stay here in the in- between a while longer….
Study Self, learn about the hidden parts, the exposed
No more hiding from my own gaze, let me dance and writhe within it.
Build the deep, potent fragrance of truth until courage is all there is
My love affair with truth continues, no matter how bereft I am left….


Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Angel Art Prints

A Discussion on Fear and an Invitation.

Life isn’t supposed to go to plan. How do we truly know what is the best for us anyway?

It feels important to admit that we don’t know. That this life baffles the mind- let’s face it we are born, we live a short childhood, a long adulthood and die (typically). Inside of that we need to make money to exist in this structure of society we live….. Fear can weigh us down. Recently, the thought crossed my mind ‘how did money become the main focus here?’. It somehow slips in when I am not looking and bunkers down deeply into my psyche like a bad house guest that won’t leave, stinking up the place. No. That’s not me, babe (Johnny Cash). I know that I KNOW there is something else and every time I get sucked into this fear based thinking I would love to be reminded- there’s more. I am going to check in with myself and ask: How do I feel right now? Just to pause and ask that question is going to help beyond the drama that may be going on.

I’ve decided to challenge myself, and feel free if you want to join me- I am going to ask myself the question, “Is this from fear or openness?” Then I can go into “How do I feel right now when I’m doing this/ being with this person/ going to work etc?” And finally, the best question of all, “What is the truth I am ready to see?”

I am going to challenge myself to live in the moment, to trust in the path, to make choices based on the above questions. If you feel ready, let’s do it together. Stay tuned…..

All my love,
Elise

Art by Oxana Poberejnaia

The Process of Letting Go Into Change

The Process of Letting Go Into Change

It takes courage to look at your life with a willingness to start again. To have nothing. To surrender it all. Below is a piece for YOU. Know that you are not alone, and somehow, perhaps you can have refuge in these words, as I did watching them being typed out of my fingers. This is not a ‘how to’, or self help article. This is from one human to another. May your choices be aligned. May you feel free to live your most authentic life. May you feel connected to yourself, to others and beyond…..

Sending love and loads of hope for your journey,
Elise

No longer is it the gentle kiss as a whispered reminder of that which I cannot enter, but a deluge, a flooding, making its way through everything, dripping, drenching drowning the life I had thought up for myself containing the labels, the roles, the absolute identity…. and now…. now it is all being flooded in the rain that keeps flowing, in the tears that trickle down my face, in the swollen rivers and lakes pregnant with truth and leaking it out everywhere….. I know that I know….. Truth has a way of coming out…. Turn my face and pretend that the rivers do not spill, that the banks and their foundations are being destroyed. Pretend to be as I once was, content with the life I had created for myself, but not harbouring the whole truth until now it pulses and knocks down my door, breaks my windows and rampages through the safe house I had built, content but somewhere within deeply yearning…. I am holding onto the back door, swinging in the rampage, gripping onto the perception of who I thought I was. My fingers slipping, water pummels my head, my body, my eyes so that I cannot see… It comes strong and powerful yet with a whisper of a message, “Let go, let go, let go….”

 

As Deep and as High as You Want to Go….

You present yourself with gorgeous, deep roots-
Plump, pulsing with life and maze-like
Still within the package, clear and holding
You sit contained- unaware, naive…
I am entrusted to cut the end-
Pull you through and into this world
It’s as if you take your first breath….
Your roots entwine upon themselves
I gently, so gently massage them,
Patiently and lovingly sing you a song….
Until that moment of release and surrender-
And you are freed from your bonds.
Placed into the fertile soil.
Alone but lovingly adored.
There to grow as you wish,
As deep and as high as you want to go…

Saturate Me Again and Again

I am already soaked through to the bone from tending my garden,
Tending to my weeds and exploring my inner plants…
I implore you to saturate me to my core
That I may feel my pulsing energy from within
So that I may be immersed in the glorious
Connection and reunion with you…
Again and again and again
Of this I will never get tired
Saturate me so that my marrow purifies
And opens to the blinding radiance
Splaying untruths out of me…
Let me whisper only prayers from my lips
Poised in the timeless moment, surrendered
With the passion of an alive body, 
Opening, opening, opening to be saturated once more
Surround me, enter me, embrace me, love me-
For I am soaked through in the ever connecting light
Connection…. connection…. connection….. yes
Love…. deep, potent and infinite – It never left.

Featured Image by Leslie Ballweg

Woundings- Core Work and Opening to the Divine

Today I listened to the Great Marianne Williamson about forgiveness and releasing. She made some valid points – namely that we can choose to let the woundings, the lack of forgiveness, the judgements, the ‘fill in the blanks with your baggage’ and step into 2021 free of these, or at least consciously looking at them and being willing in any moment that life presents an opportunity to you- to change a behaviour or pattern that you ordinarily react with. Even a slight change can make a world of difference. She asked for all of us to collaborate in love. To be a collective of loving individuals prepared to change within for changes to occur outside of us. I love that. So here’s the thing that gets me. The hardest thing to do this in is relationships. I see this in sister wounds and group wounds. I see this in intimate relationships. I see this in relationship with Self. The more there is heaviness, or awkwardness provides the best manure for growth. This is the place to step into our woundings- whatever they are, and humbly see what’s there with compassion for self. We all f*#*k up from time to time.

It’s time we forgave ourselves and others. Open up to the mysteries, the magic, and the miracles that exist beyond our attachments to our heavy woundings.

It’s almost an identity we can have- “This happened to me when I was…. He did this….. My Mum did that….” The people involved, the situation, or whatever is there that is being held onto has power over you. The more unwilling to forgive is a reflection of YOUR inner world and not the person that did something to you or the circumstance that happened. Let’s go a little deeper:-

Victim: First recorded in 1490-1500 from the Latin word victima sacrificial animal (Dictionary .com).

When we look at this we are not animals- nor helpless, nor are we being sacrificed. We may be at the time of atrocities, of unfairness. But, we clearly are still alive- have not died. The alteration of the meaning of this word has taken away power. Forgiveness is the soul cleansing act that reclaims it. To get to forgiveness is to trudge through the woundings, or that which separates you from your essence and connection with others. This is an arduous task, but one that sings hauntingly to those who are called to the path of the soul and the lessons born to experience in this life. We are meant to make mistakes- that’s how we learn. Sometimes, people get hurt. We get hurt. We have a choice. To stay here- or to see it, honour it, LEARN from it- then let it go. In doing so we can then reach¬† place of forgiveness. It doesn’t grow on trees. It’s not a pill we can pop and then ALL will be forgiven. It’s life’s challenge to rise above, learn and grow. And this takes courage.


Hero/ Heroine: A person noted for courageous acts, or a person considered as a role model for certain traits.

When these are applied to the inner journey of truth, otherwise known as the Hero/ Heroines Journey (of which we are all here for in differing ways) is of true empowerment that ultimately leads us to have faith and let go and trusting one meets challenges and gathers the tools/ knowledge/ understanding needed to face them. When we look at ancient mystical teachings, opposites exist and must. Where there is light, there is dark; where there is feminine there is masculine; where there is cool there is heat etc. When there is a problem- there is also presented a solution. It is up to us to be the clear vessel to enable the solution to be embodied and lived. It is not just about logic. This is a soul deep immersion that spreads throughout the body. The mind can get the hell out of the way and in fact can be used in a manner to aid in the embodiment, complete immersion on the path. It must. Before the sword of truth goes outward, it first must be turned onto self so that we can see our woundings, or fears that may express unhealthily outward toward others. The ‘sword’ I speak of can be thoughts. When a negative thought comes up about another, turn it around. Look at it. With compassion know that this comes from somewhere within you and find that place. Sit with it. This is an investigation, thank that thought as this is a way to understand and release a wound or fear within you that otherwise would not be touched and essentially left to fester and ooze its way out and into our life. We have doctors and nurses who investigate our external physical wounds, letting us know if there needs to be more treatment, more investigation…. but our inner wounds are our responsibility. We have the answer within that comes when the wound arises. That we can trust in, when we do the work of looking at the truth within, we can open to the solutions. We just have to be prepared to see what’s happening and let go into the process of life to go on the journey to release them when they present.

So, our openness, our freedom, our life force is up to us. The more we hold onto woundings or judgements or other negative aspects of our mind, the more we move away from our power. When we have the courage and compassion to step into the challenges presented to us in our lives, the more we create space to let go, to unravel the pain and anger the wounds etc have on us, and forgive- not so much for the other person, but for ourselves and our growth whilst in this body.

Sending so much love and empowerment to you as you step into 2021. Know that you aren’t alone- we are all here to help walk each other home.
Elise

Featured Image by Shelley Klammer

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