Oh, let my temple be without bounds…
Touch me, hold me in your truth
Take me to the edges of my love
Plunge me into my opening again and again….
And you, my darling, with each touch- you take me beyond…
With each gaze deeply into my eyes you connect with me…
With every time you fall to your knees in deep reverence
Of the energy between and around and within us-
You hold me so gently in deep holy union that I surrender,
That I open, love and move in this holding, in this devotion, in this beauty….
For ours is a Union with such open tenderness……
Edges dissolve, love holds, acceptance dances within and around us
My love, you devote yourself to my messy opening-
To my beautiful opening, to my opening that occurs in deep rapture
Oh, take me into myself so deeply into our unexplainable connection
Feel me surround you, yearning your penetration, your love, your fire of truth…
Oh, but I long to be met again and again in the space between our wholeness
My love, for this I have prepared. For this I have have practised and devoted myself.
For this I have yearned… For this I willingly and gently surrender….
Take me in this passion, penetrate me in my openness, love me without bounds.
And together, through our connection we enter the great mysteries of All…
I don’t know how to be in this level of vulnerability
I feel I am on a tightrope of love or self destruction
Potency enters me from every direction
And I laugh out loud at the yearning I had for this….
Yearning, what a word, what a verb, what a state to be in….
Shifting my consciousness, beyond all desiring….
And yet, it so deliciously includes sweet, delectable desire….
So this is a path to draw all of the lessons, the practices,
The daily disciplined devotion to truth?- Ok, I get it….
What I didn’t understand was the sheer vulnerability
The willingness to be seen without my barriers
The human, sticky pieces of me still unhealed…
Revealed….. there for you to see, witness, feel….
And the devotion to throw out all roles I’ve played with others
Surrendering what I thought was my truth and identity
Again and again, like a serpent shedding her skin…
This is powerful and transformative and very, very fast….
I’ll rest atop of the giant expansive ocean, trusting and letting go…
Held by the mystical truths that my brain can not understand
Take me with the tides, further and further out and still…
Still I am here, floating, looking at the sky, breathing deeply…..
The water surrounds me, holds me, loves me,
It beckons for suppleness, opening and vulnerability
And I, I can no longer resist this depth, this truth….
As I leave the land I once knew behind….
Where is it?
The jubilation?- The wonder?- The exploration?
Where is it?-
The fire in your heart, the light in your eyes?
Where is it?-
That part of you that dares to dream…
to imagine all that you want?
Is it squished? Is it non- existent?
Suppressed by the voice of reason in your head?
Where are you, my love?
Where have you gone?-
That spark, that life within you?
When did you leave yourself?
Come back home… come back
And gently rest in here, the deep….
Fight a little for that stirring within
That knows ‘there’s more….’
Stand up when you are on your knees
And say, ‘I am willing…’
And when your demons arise,
Meet them and learn from them.
Dare to know yourself deeply
To better feel when outdated
Ways dictate your life and lead to suffocation-
Squeezing the life out of you….
Leading to swallowing deep truths,
Self sabotage, doubt and lack of confidence…
Staying small, and existing to live only for others…
When here you are, a vibrant spark-
Don’t let the ways of the world dull it.
Live, my sweet…. Live your life with spark and fire.
Keeping meditation teaching real, bringing vulnerability and truth to the moment is so vital to keep in alignment to be of service whilst teaching an important life skill. Perfectionism will go by the wayside if we can just relax and be our authentic selves giving permission for others to do the same.
I have been contemplating what meditation is and isn’t, to me. I have had extensive training in the more esoteric background and have now come into the actual learning of different meditation techniques and gaining the qualification to teach meditation to others. What I realise I do when I guide and teach meditation is merge the two teachings together. The pearls of wisdom from my previous esoteric teachers, gathered in chaotic circumstances to uncover truth in every moment and to live from this place, with that inner connection and embodiment is gorgeous and amazing. The stillness that came with some, or most of the techniques in meditation helped me to sink roots deeper and allow higher vibrations to more consciously flow through me in the delicious, deep and patient meditation methods. So that I could really steep in my own essence, witness myself with passionate intimacy and open my mind and body into a suppleness I haven’t experienced before in my life. From studying these seemingly opposite modalities, I can see how they both are a part of a continuum of ONEness. It is creating a beautiful merging of two opposite worlds and is simply enhancing my absolute respect for both modalities.
The more feminine approach is of letting go of restrictions, of embodiment, movement, to allow chaos, flow, rawness, beauty, power, grace, and love be a part of your life. Truly embody it and allow its expression to be present. To experience the plethora of different feminine expressions within each one of us there is a need to be willing to journey into a space of letting go of control for a period of time whilst being guided by the facilitator (at the start). This is opposite of what many western cultures, and in fact many cultures teach- which is control, balance, restrict, silence, not make a scene, don’t express the full range of emotions- truth in the moment. This is often seen as ‘uncivilised’ and archaic, as if we have evolved from this type of behaviour…. but have we really evolved?The basis of these teachings I previously spoke about revolve around the fact that it is energetic- the feminine. It is called shakti in the yogic tradition as the energy that moves form- the masculine. But, over thousands of years traditions have opted to serve only that which could be seen- the masculine physical world. So the feelings, emotions, energy within and around was ignored.
The teachings taught in the Occult traditions kept the flame of the relationship between the feminine and masculine energy alive. Focused on Oneness, in these teachings, both the energy (feminine) and the physical (masculine) were equally worked with. It was known that if energy is suppressed it doesn’t go anywhere, it is stored in the body. Furthermore, this can cause disease and illness in the body. The feminine practices work to release stored energy which presents itself as pain, tension, or perhaps it hasn’t become represented in the physical form yet. So the energy clearing occurs by allowing the body to simply release what it needs to release, by moving the way it needs to move could prevent the physical expression of this, and act as a preventative or a stress release of pent up energy, kind of like pressing ‘re-boot’.
Ancient Egyptian Cults played a huge role in continuing the energetic thread of this ancient wisdom. It is in the balance of these two extreme energies that we can gain balance- not from stifling them, or restricting them with how we perceive ‘awakening’ should look. Relate this to today, even meditation teachers fall under the pressure and culture of how they themselves should be. Now that I am adorned with this mysterious piece of paper giving me the authority to actually teach meditation to others, I have felt the energetics of the need to behave calm all of the time, or be perceived to be calm all of the time. That isn’t me. In this environment? During a pandemic? In lockdown with my two children? I have my personal practices which help me better parent and handle emergencies when called upon, but I do slip from time to time. I am human. I am perceiving in some circles some ‘acting’ other than what is true in the moment. My devotion is to stay real in the moment.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is no perfection in meditation. It’s a practice. Sometimes you go deep, sometimes you don’t. Honouring what arises wherever you are at in practice or in life is the perfection in it. Meditation teachers, or in fact even esoteric facilitators can get caught up on how they ‘should’ be perceived. What I feel is more important is truth. Is to show the humanness, as well as the amazing essence and divinity of someone. I can chat and even be telling a story before a meditation in my own authentic voice and expression that is relatable and HUMAN (sometimes I get excited and swear a little)- my point is, the sense of belonging can be shared. When it’s time for teaching and guiding meditation that ‘HUMAN ME’ slowly drains away and the depth of the practice comes in and service of the divinity or light, within a person and within the room is surrendered to in the moment, based on the energy of the room and who is present, we flow into a meditation aligned with this. Then after the meditation when everyone who wishes to share has shared, then I’ll chat and laugh and tell stories again. It’s a sacred union of humanness, ego and personality WITH connecting to something more than that…. just sublime….
Show me a meditation teacher who has done the work on themselves and I will see his or her authenticity. Being OK in their own methods, and styles, with life experience to have the maturity to hold space and willingness to learn from whatever is presented when it is presented is a must to gain the trust of those who are willing to enter the unknown with you. Humble to know it is the teachings, not themselves the people gather for. Devoted to getting their own ego out of the way to serve with sincerity, and devotion something higher than themselves within the room and within each person gathered. Leading by example only to reveal the truth that meditation is a tool to aid in the path of life- essentially entering the unknown and getting to know and connect to oneself in this amazing and often difficult process. It doesn’t matter which method you choose- masculine or feminine or bridging the gap between them, all can if taught in an intentional way, take you deep into connection and knowing thyself.
There are times when this is not always the case, for example some inherited diseases and illnesses, however doing a regular practice of what feels good for the body the soul has taken unique to each person, will help to reduce the ailments of the body in this instance. It is not simply a matter of moving the body and allowing it to subconsciously take care of things for you in the feminine. At least that hasn’t been the case for me, with two children to stay present for. I feel that we have evolved the masculine parts of us in this culture for a reason. Yes, there are distortions and the creation of patriarchy which has its faults, but we have the opportunity to bring consciousness or clarity to our lives. So, doing meditation under the more masculine method of witnessing, stillness, quietness is a perfect companion to the uncontrollable sometimes wild expression of the feminine.
For me, in my own practice, I cannot do one without the other, it feels like something is missing. The masculine helps us to live in this world, to be present to ourselves, to hold space for ourselves when things get difficult, to be witness with love, to act on plans and get things done out in the world. We need a healthy dose of this. But, in my teachings, there’s a gorgeous sacred union of diving equally into both, a cohesion. What one lacks, the other provides…. and vice versa. Oh, it’s such a beautiful path to walk on.
Let go…. let go into the night sky
No different from the expanse of the ocean….
Somewhere between the two,
In the space where the ocean and sky meet
Is where we rebirth- you and me…
Floating with both above and below
The invitation on the swell of the ocean
And the touch of the gentle breeze
Both praying for the same thing:
They whisper in unison,
From above, and from below
Poised in timeless, weightless space:-
“surrender, open, merge, allow…
surrender, open, merge, allow…
surrender, open, merge, allow….”
For there is more than what you see
More than just making money,
Or upholding the norm….
More than the friends you have
or the family you’re from…
The sacred mysteries come,
Come knocking and inviting,
Patiently inquiring and merging
within the depths of your soul.
“Is there more?” You’ve asked yourself before
And to this the answer you shall have
when opened to explore…
Courage is to open, to feel to trust
In the path not revealed,
but rather constantly unravelling…
But oh, what an exciting life awaits
On the other side of fear and restrictions.
More than a mere temptation,
And more than you’ve been told exists….
It beckons and becomes too loud to ignore
It’s down to choice and a willingness to see
At how passionate, and full, and sweet life can really be…
“You cannot let life break you. Instead let it build you….” Caroline Myss
Truth is there. Unbridled and resting within our core. Truth is there. For those with the courage to see it, to feel it, to embody it… Truth is there. For everyone to listen to, to open to, to trust…. Truth is there. Though not usually jumped into…. Truth is there. Though fear aides the turning away from it Truth is there. Though many suppress inner knowings and numb awareness Truth is there. Though can’t be controlled as we enter the deep unknown Truth is there. Though painful ends and shattered dreams may result Truth is there. It lurks in the dark, knocks on our doors and sends us constant messages Truth is there. Addictions, suppression and numbing reigns if unwilling to see it Truth is here. Say yes and watch our soul journey take off. Truth is here. Surrendering all that we thought was right before. Truth is here. Energy is growing and new contracts are formed Truth is here for those with the courage to face it Truth is here for those who don’t have the courage to face it Life serves us our individual lessons, forming who we are becoming along the way. Truth is the guide through the unknown. Truth is always there for us to dive into… Truth is the guide through our Hero’s or Heroine’s journey. Truth shapes who we are, and it’s the way we face truth as we embark on our journey That is most important now.
Be here now, wherever life has placed you. The life lessons will find you, they always do…. Breathe and stay relaxed and aware- seeing the life lessons and ‘teachers’ that present to you, no matter the life situation you are in. There is simply no choice for the student of life and the mysteries it holds- there’s a switch that has been flicked that holds no satisfaction with switching it back off again. So dare to live openly wherever life places you. See the world through the mystic eyes, even if it means whilst watching children playing sport on the weekend, or at work, or with your family and friends, or when sitting by yourself. The path continues, it requires only your attention and everywhere becomes your school room, everyone a possible teacher.
There can be a fear of missing out that can happen in our society. Fear of missing a retreat, fear of missing a class, fear of missing a practice…. thinking that it will put ‘development back’ if missed. But with the spiritual path there will always be lessons, experiences, relationships and life situations to give you the circumstances your soul needs when it needs to experience it in this human body, and in the timing and rhythm with which it aligns to develop and how. The path that is in alignment for you will open when you are ready. And may change at any time when you are ready. The path and life you live and all aspects within it should collaborate to create opportunities and space. It should feel open. If it doesn’t then maybe there are other lessons that need to be learnt and can only be accessed via another path, or road. That’s not to say that the two won’t merge again, and often do to create a more potent mergence, or sacred union between what has been taught on one path, and merging with the forever student on the new path. There is no right or wrong. Just experiences and lessons to be had. Wherever the most fertile plane is on the path is what you will be guided to take. It is really up to us. This time brings self realisation to us in a way that it never has before.
There is something growing… an uncertainty along with a feeling of dissatisfaction that is welling from deep within the open hearts walking among us, and pouring like a tidal wave from the energetic realm into physical reality. It is more than emotion, more than mere intention, it is the merging of grace into our lives. A calling for a receptivity within us. What is this energy asking of you?- for me it is linked to the physical wellbeing of my body:-
1. Food: Wholefood diet
2. Exercise: Walking every day, work outs as well/ dancing
3. Meditate daily/ embodiment practices (masculine and feminine on the day I feel)
We are in this for the long haul. Accept that there is no perfection. Self love practices are huge. Covering internal and external wellness is a necessity. What you do for one (say the physical), also do for the other (inner wellness) with equal time. Love is the only worthy weapon against that which binds us, keeps us in ignorance and creates separation amongst us, as the saying goes; what is in one is in the whole…. So please, please, look after yourself and dedicate wellness, both inner and outer, daily to yourself.
The commitment to Self is all that is being asked. No longer are the days of ignorance to be the norm. The wave is flowing through all physical form, wanting to be expressed through you. Old trauma, pain, fears remain as the block to this flow. Perhaps there is something more that helps to make this remain a little longer?- Acceptance of all that is in our lives. We give power to that which we suppress or avoid within ourselves. Dare to stop running or denying our truth within and turn to face it. Open to the lessons there. Learn to love the parts you don’t like, look at them, sit with them, be present with them. These are your souls’ life lessons to bring into your consciousness and transform. No one said it would be easy, but it’s worth it. As you would a dear friend who cannot stop judging herself or himself. And yet, you don’t see what they judge to be a major problem, in fact, what one person judges, another person may love. You may even love this trait in your friend…or not love it but accept it and love your friend regardless. So the quest, if you dare to accept, is to sit with those parts within you that you have squished down, denied, or judged and bring them to the light. There is only one person who can set you free- and that’s yourself.
Being ‘in it’, being vulnerable, being stuck in the grind of life, being sad, angry, grieving is sometimes a reality. Where responsibilities, commitments and other things seem to be present and take our time, where helplessness exists. But there is another side to life that we often fall short of seeing or feeling, especially during the busiest times in life. That is the divine, or sacred. That which is invisible. That energy which flows around and within us. It is our soul. Pure and simple. Your soul is not just within your body, it is around you. IT IS YOUR TEMPLE. It is felt by others. It can leave the body and surrounds at any time, perhaps it is faded and spiritually strangled from our consciousness…..perhaps it is vibrant and bright. We exist during a time when only that which is physically seen can exist, and so many of us are faced with breaking this simple conditioning straight off the bat in our evolution, and it ain’t easy to break the norm. It is way too easy to have doubt within us, or placed there by outside influences. But, for now… let’s bring our attention to the soul.
So, how is your soul? Let’s do a quick check in! Do you serve the soul, or the ego? Pure and simple. I love the simple applications in life- every time I do something I reflect- what am I serving here? The highest in myself, the highest in Other? Or is there something else happening within me that I can get enthusiastically curious about? Yum, I love investigation time… Practical ways this can show up in life can be something like the following;- where do I feel the need to explain myself in my personal life? Is there something that feels heavy or just yuck when I speak about something or someone? Is there something within me that feels ‘off’ off when I speak with someone? Am I not speaking my truth of how I feel (notice how this feels within you when this happens)? Do I doubt myself? Do I trust myself and my integrity? Pause here and bloody give yourself a breath if you catch yourself here in one of these thoughts or situations. No matter how triggered you are, pause and take a breath. No one can force an answer straight up. Take the time to know yourself here, this part of yourself right now. Be intimate with it, as if you were holding space for a friend going through something. Often we can cause more crap if we romp in aggressive and distant, pointing that finger which can so easily point out to ‘other’, back to yourself, bring that energy back. Fuel the investigation of what’s going on inside of you with your own attention. No judgements. Just compassion for the human in you. What did you find underneath? This is simple, yet effective.
Life situations sometimes become difficult, testing, and exhausting. But these times are the fertile ground in which to grow through these things and gain wisdom which leads to thriving and truly living the authentic blue print of your vibrant soul. To have both sides of the coin, to know that you are human and can have stresses, pain, grief and that’s perfectly fine….. AND to have a life in service of the divine, feeling that connection, nurturing that connection daily. Both can be done. I have come to realise in my life, one actually complements the other. There is no perfection on the path to truth. There are life lessons, and the divine. Both are true in gorgeous sacred union within form- your body, your life. The invisible is mixing with the visible every day.
So, the next time you want to play small because your life is in shambles, or you want to wait until everything is just perfect in your psyche…. think again. You are on the right track. Keep going. It is, and as long as you live in the collective, always will be truth. Both sides of the same coin. Flip it, and see what arises more today. Just know both are there at the same time in this precious thing called your life.