Grief- I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way….

It is thick, gluggy- without flow
All else outside of this startling moment
Is non- existent, or rather cannot make its way in-
To nestle its way within my layers in any form of intimacy.
The only thing I can be intimate with is grief
Heavy, deep, thick grief.
It cannot be controlled by the mind
Or else it shall be blocked and the energy trapped…
It cannot be tamed or slayed
Or else its head shall rise like a serpent striking
When I least want it to…
No…. no… this heaviness needs its space to be within me.
And all I have to do is surrender to the intimacy
I have at this moment with my humanness expressing itself
through grief. And although I know this too shall pass-
I mustn’t turn away from how I feel. I open and turn to it
Welcoming it into my home as it has in fact arrived….
Gluggy, thick and slow I feel every ounce of it….
It slowly releases some energy as the tears fall silently….
Heart open, supple, raw…. feeling… feeling… feeling….
Giving it space to move if and when it wants to….
Knowing that I’ve got myself through all of this…
Holding my torch, trusting the timing of it all…
No matter the loss- all is still present, here now.
Open and receiving the gifts that living a life has-
One of them being the ability to feel emotions.
It’s what souls crave, what we are here for:
To be human and experience everything that comes with it.
The journey is a wild one, but wow- what a ride….
I wouldn’t have it any other way….

The Life That is Waiting for Us….

“You must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

 

I had planned it from the age of 4. Built my whole identity of who I was around it. I had decided the world was dangerous and I was going to fix it. I would be a Police Officer. Throughout my upbringing I acted as I thought a ‘Police Officer’ would act. Said no to things that many people in their youth said yes to. I towed the thin blue line before even joining. I was responsible, very responsible. I was dependable, and held very high standards for myself on my reputation I was building. At the age of 23 I joined the NSW Police Force, I became what I always wanted to ‘be’. I fell in love with my superior officer, and after four years of being ‘in the job’, I married him and had children taking maternity leave and working part time. My children began to open me to the fact that I had been on auto pilot, desperately wanting to keep my husband happy- but who was depressed or anxious a lot of the time, desperately clinging to my identity of the dependable protector, out to catch the ‘bad ones’, and right the wrongs…. My children saved my life. It put a spanner in the identity I had created for myself. I stopped drinking alcohol, which I did to give me the courage to be able to put down my barriers I had built to have deep and meaningful conversations, to connect deeply with others. I felt so alone…. After having my first born, I went back to work and gained a shoulder injury that needed two lots of surgery. I was finding more time. More space…. We decided to have a second child and I was NOT going to have another bad labour. I found Yoga and meditation and did it throughout my pregnancy without skipping a day of practice…… It was my first opening and felt like I was making love with the air, with myself…. It was the first time I opened enough space to feel my life force energy- and it was palpable.

Whilst meditating I dared to connect to my baby. I found when I breathed in, he would move around, thankful for the extra space, and when I would rhythmically exhale, he would rest and relax…. I had visions of the room, even the door with the number of the room I was in, ‘222’. I was so connected to my life force and feminine intuition. Little did I know this would prepare me for the best labour and birth I could have ever imagined. Ancestors surrounded me, and held my back and loved me. I wasn’t in fear, and I definitely wasn’t alone (despite my poor husband at the time doing his best but absolutely terrified). I went back to Policing and my back immediately went out. I couldn’t stand up. No one would touch me- doctors, Physio… because of the swelling. I was desperate for some relief, or healing, or something… and I came across reiki. This practitioner helped to love the pain to relax, my swelling started to go down the more I relaxed and stayed away from work…. I went back to work three weeks later but not for long. I could feel it was the end (and lets face it I didn’t want to have my body go through something else to have more time off). So I resigned on good terms, just knowing my time was up. Luckily, my husband at the time didn’t much like looking after the kids whilst I worked and so it was agreed he would sell his investment house and I would stay home with the kids and start a tea business.



I dove into the opposite energy that I had been working with- I was being lured into embodying that gorgeous life force energy in a huge way- I was heading into embodiment work which I had never heard of before. If it wasn’t for the teacher being a deep soul sister of mine, I may have ran out of the first workshop I ever went to. Sexuality, sensuality, love, flow, power, truth, dark/ light…. I sold my car to be able to afford to work with this teacher for five weeks 1 on 1. And after five years, my teacher became my mentor, and I became an embodiment facilitator. My identification I had for myself was shifting rapidly. I was letting go of the masculine Policing parts, and balancing the two in an androgynous union within myself. It was becoming a love affair. I wanted to deepen the potency of my masculine energy and so dived into an intense meditation course which took over one and a half years to immerse myself in and complete. During this there were two deaths in the family prior to COVID hitting, and then there was the start of COVID, and my marriage break down. Once again, another layer of identity gone. I decided to do nothing with my business. I didn’t know what was up or down. I was being stripped bare. All of my fears came to the surface. I abandoned myself so many times. I drank alcohol. I ate less than healthy foods. I went back to my husband. I tried desperately to fit back into societal mould. I had a plan: I would shut off the Shakti. Yep, I would shut it down. I realised I couldn’t get back into the square, no matter how much I thought I had wanted to. My soul was not in the relationship. I couldn’t be with my ex. I ended the romantic part of our relationship permanently.

‘The dark night of the soul’ took me into a dark, lonely place. I turned my back on everything, even myself. But, Ancient Egyptian mysteries whispered to me as I dreamt. It called me as I would try to sleep…. I surrendered to it and sat at my computer. What flowed through was a workshop I was to run online about the wisdom of Thoth- an ancient Egyptian God. It was only until I did this workshop that I could feel a jolt of life and magic in me again. Synchronicities started to happen in my life again. I realised that I was self inflicting my suffering and I was the only one who could get myself out of it. I reached out to a friend. The next day was what changed my life. Long story short, we connected with a group of women who we did embodiment practices with many years ago, all to connect. My ‘Anum Caras’ which means soul friends in Gaelic. We gathered, we danced, we embodied- for the love of ourselves, for the love of each other, for the love of the world that keeps breaking our hearts time and time again. All the while honouring the sensitivity we have to it all, honouring the courage it takes to feel and be open, heart soft in a world where it is not unanimously practiced. So, I opened again. I let the life force pour through me. I let it move me. I wept, I sang, I laughed… I let go into this life. I said ‘yes’…

Why now?- Because I can no longer fit into the square of keeping quiet. I know others will feel this, relate to it. Rise to the challenges of life. I went from being a disconnected Police Officer who was entirely unhappy with the life I had chosen for myself, to learning how to step toward the life that is true for my crazy wild energy and in alignment with my soul. If I can do it in the way it looks for me, then you can, too. I am grateful for the lessons that life has thrown at me which have given me so much life experience, in a way that it has developed my masculine to be in alignment with my feminine and it feels so, so good. I am pushed out of my comfort zone to share this with you as part of my knowing it’s time to step out and to serve. I hope others can see their own continual story as something to be grateful for as you walk through your life, gathering the amazing nuggets of wisdom along the way.

Embodiment workshop coming soon…. Let’s dive!



Sending love and support to you,


Elise

To work online with me click here
https://www.instagram.com/connection_meditations/

The Process of Letting Go Into Change

The Process of Letting Go Into Change

It takes courage to look at your life with a willingness to start again. To have nothing. To surrender it all. Below is a piece for YOU. Know that you are not alone, and somehow, perhaps you can have refuge in these words, as I did watching them being typed out of my fingers. This is not a ‘how to’, or self help article. This is from one human to another. May your choices be aligned. May you feel free to live your most authentic life. May you feel connected to yourself, to others and beyond…..

Sending love and loads of hope for your journey,
Elise

No longer is it the gentle kiss as a whispered reminder of that which I cannot enter, but a deluge, a flooding, making its way through everything, dripping, drenching drowning the life I had thought up for myself containing the labels, the roles, the absolute identity…. and now…. now it is all being flooded in the rain that keeps flowing, in the tears that trickle down my face, in the swollen rivers and lakes pregnant with truth and leaking it out everywhere….. I know that I know….. Truth has a way of coming out…. Turn my face and pretend that the rivers do not spill, that the banks and their foundations are being destroyed. Pretend to be as I once was, content with the life I had created for myself, but not harbouring the whole truth until now it pulses and knocks down my door, breaks my windows and rampages through the safe house I had built, content but somewhere within deeply yearning…. I am holding onto the back door, swinging in the rampage, gripping onto the perception of who I thought I was. My fingers slipping, water pummels my head, my body, my eyes so that I cannot see… It comes strong and powerful yet with a whisper of a message, “Let go, let go, let go….”

 

Honouring Resting and Recharging as Much as Action

Sometimes we’ve had a spell of inspired flow, or action. It’s amazing when that happens. Something to keep in mind so that we don’t push ourselves to ‘stay with it’ when clearly we need to rest, is to firstly look at the way we are judging ourselves in this time. Is there a thought that says ‘I should be doing something?’ Because that is a conditioned thought that is needed to be broken in order to realise that looking after Self and caring is ‘doing’ something. It’s honouring the rest that your body and mind need. It’s being kind to yourself. It’s honouring the natural flow in your world. The stream may be trickling instead of flowing, which is fine, too. There must be a winter as well as a summer. Whatever it is, please honour whatever your body is yearning right now.

With so much love,
Elise

A Message of Hope

You ever get that feeling that there is more to life than what is perceived? It’s brilliant to get reminders that there is so much more than just you being in isolation, being here alone on this crazy island in space we call earth. There is so much more beyond what our little brains comprehend. It’s very much experiencing the sacred in the mundane. Synchronicities beyond what you could ever imagine. A simple sentence one person can utter could mean the world to a person who listens to it. Without knowing it, the person speaking could be the divine messenger which reaches beyond… just beyond and brings it through into the physical. Or there could be a mention of a book in something that you’re listening to, or someone tells you about it. You can say, “Nah, I don’t have time to read a book”, or you could act on this and buy it, or borrow it, and trust that there is a message for you. Trust in the divine timing of things. I buy my books in audio format a lot of the time so that when I walk I can listen to it. The last time I did this, the book rocked my world and shook the very foundations that my life is built upon. Amazing!

Know that there are messages all the time being sent to us to help us out of grace. Be open to the signs and trust them. Like pieces of evidence needing to be collected, these sources of information are needed to put you or keep you on the path that best serves your soul.

With love,
Elise

 

Featured image by Heidi Dwyer

A Call to Grace: Open Your Heart, Warrior

There is something growing… an uncertainty along with a feeling of dissatisfaction that is welling from deep within the open hearts walking among us, and pouring like a tidal wave from the energetic realm into physical reality. It is more than emotion, more than mere intention, it is the merging of grace into our lives. A calling for a receptivity within us. What is this energy asking of you?- for me it is linked to the physical wellbeing of my body:-

1. Food: Wholefood diet

2. Exercise: Walking every day, work outs as well/ dancing

3. Meditate daily/ embodiment practices (masculine and feminine on the day I feel)

We are in this for the long haul. Accept that there is no perfection. Self love practices are huge. Covering internal and external wellness is a necessity. What you do for one (say the physical), also do for the other (inner wellness) with equal time. Love is the only worthy weapon against that which binds us, keeps us in ignorance and creates separation amongst us, as the saying goes; what is in one is in the whole…. So please, please, look after yourself and dedicate wellness, both inner and outer, daily to yourself.

The commitment to Self is all that is being asked. No longer are the days of ignorance to be the norm. The wave is flowing through all physical form, wanting to be expressed through you. Old trauma, pain, fears remain as the block to this flow. Perhaps there is something more that helps to make this remain a little longer?- Acceptance of all that is in our lives. We give power to that which we suppress or avoid within ourselves. Dare to stop running or denying our truth within and turn to face it. Open to the lessons there. Learn to love the parts you don’t like, look at them, sit with them, be present with them. These are your souls’ life lessons to bring into your consciousness and transform. No one said it would be easy, but it’s worth it. As you would a dear friend who cannot stop judging herself or himself. And yet, you don’t see what they judge to be a major problem, in fact, what one person judges, another person may love. You may even love this trait in your friend…or not love it but accept it and love your friend regardless. So the quest, if you dare to accept, is to sit with those parts within you that you have squished down, denied, or judged and bring them to the light. There is only one person who can set you free- and that’s yourself.

 

All my love,
Elise

Tea as a way to Hold us, to Bring Awareness to Ourselves, to Connect us to Our Timeless Wisdom

This is a podcast that I decided to turn into a live on my Facebook page Timeless Tea as I was broadcasting. Please do join this page if you haven’t already! I couldn’t not speak about the importance of using this as a tool to deepen into ourselves despite the chaos. I hope this serves in some way… 

Sending so much love,
Elise
https://www.timelessteaaustralia.com/

Sacred Union- As the Path Back to Soul

Sacred union is not something to be attained, it is something to be surrendered into. It describes the meeting of two opposites. The merging of dichotomy. And, for many it is the merciless path of the unknown, where energy becomes your master and lover, unlocking a passion for the sacred mysteries, a compass, and the only truth in which to live by. Serving the light, there are no guide posts in a one size fits all type of function. We are all so different. This brings me to a couple of points I am pondering: 1. How am I helping myself to serve the light? And 2. How am I helping others to shine their light? This is not a cheesy love and light message. This is a message that rumbles from the depths of the underworld, sends quakes and cracks up to your life, which is now being made visible. Areas ready to shift, pregnant with change and ready to birth the new. Where can you shed more light? In other words- where can you be more conscious? Where can you discover more about yourself, where can you hold more courage in light of being in the uncomfortable, about ingrained patterns, or woundings you didn’t know or see before. It is THIS which is the study. The practices are ways to work around the mind. But, there comes a time when we must connect to our inner being. The wise parts of ourselves without logic or reason. From here, we are preparing to enter the realm of sacred union.

For me, I love writing. I love letting energy flow through my entire body and out through my fingertips as I not so delicately typed on my keyboard. I feel this as sacred union. I sit, feeling my whole body, being present, opening and allowing…. then I get bursts of inspiration flooding my system and I can’t keep up with the words to be typed. Where these words come from, I know not. This is an example of allowing myself to merge with the unknown… If I didn’t allow space and time for this to happen, I wouldn’t be writing, or feeling connected. I have little control over what comes through, In fact I have none at all- only if I choose to edit should pieces of my ego flood into the words. So, often I do not edit. I like it raw, authentic, imperfect to the human eye. It is, after all a rough translation of the vibrational melody and rhythm I feel when I type. A connection to something else beyond… To me, that’s sacred union. Now, apply this to being with a person. Relinquishing control. Trusting the energy and where or how it moves you. Letting go of how it should look. Accepting Self and Other. Feeling connected to Self and loving Self opens the door to accepting love from others.

So, when two people come together ready to meet, and by that I mean meet intimately, energetically. The body comes with ease after the raw meeting of the energy and soul. It’s the surrender over to the soul or energy of the other person, the God in the other person where the two opposites merge. The brain cannot access thoughts, cannot access techniques which worked before, or whatever else goes on in the brain before sex. Instead an openness to what is present is felt. Acceptance of Self and expression of self flows beautifully and rhythmically… both meeting in the centre becomes a beautiful composition of music, unique and flowing with the two people who are making love. Where the universe opens and freedom in love and connection begins. The connection that runs through is the same space needed for creativity. It’s the God vibration. It’s timeless, embodied and a beautiful experience to have when both people are surrendered to both of each others highest and to the highest in all. I feel this in my bones that when two people meet from this place it’s healing not just each other, but if they merge with a shared prayer they hold in their hearts, when the energy of God merges within them and infuses with what’s in their hearts then it benefits the whole in that prayer. We become the embodiment of the prayer, connected to the divine source, and in service to the timeless, formless aspect of the other WITHIN the union of flesh. Re-writing thousands of years of shame and guilt for union in the flesh beyond the procreation entitlement. Beyond…. just far, far beyond…

Some people explain tantra as shadow work, and it’s true. But to truely practice and honour the energy here, we must also worship the light and connection present. We can’t let go into connection without doing the shadow work, and we must keep checking in with Self to ensure we are staying in alignment. It’s the merging of all opposites- both macro and micro level. It’s the study of Self and the willingness to openly learn more (keeping pride or embarrassment or any other emotion in sight) through union with another who is also doing the work on Self. It’s beyond body yearnings. It’s beyond all thoughts. It’s beyond your perception of who you might think is a perfect partner suit for you. It’s the playing out of divine timing and sacred contracts. It’s aligned with the ancient mystical laws. It’s making music that nourishes, nurtures and heals- creating a balm source of hope for humanity. For me, it’s the only way.

Featured image by David Heskin

More… So Much More…

We find ourselves in a time of looking beyond…. beyond what we previously knew, what we previously could have even perceived or imagined. This is the beautiful beginning of the time when we are humbled, when we become aware of greater cycles beyond that which our personal short existence can tell us. We are entering the unknown both within us, and in the world that surrounds us. A world of timelessness. Of boundlessness. Of releasing. Of stepping into that which creates and maintains faith. Of true sacred union with the divine. This is being birthed now. This is the connection we have been disconnected from, the balance between energy, the mystical component- the divine merging with our bodies in sacred, holy union. Now as we walk this earth. Yes, we are entering the time of energy. And energy moves through everything. There is no boundary it cannot and will not cross. There is nothing it cannot and will not touch and create permanent change. Change- that which creates fear in the collective. Change IS the only constant in life, and yet we try to protect ourselves from it. And this is the start, only the start of that process. A random virus unseen to the human eye, so minute is it, has brought an outdated system of greed, manipulation, gross power and a focus of wealth as the main example of success to a holt. Priorities are shifting and our hearts are igniting again.

I live across the road from a childcare facility and I overheard two men who introduced each other so they clearly didn’t know each other, discussing openly about their income situation, the fact that neither had a job to go to. Both were not angry. They were talking for longer than half an hour, connecting in, knowing that they weren’t alone. It was beautiful. Two men who are usually too busy to drop off their kids and rush to work to even acknowledge each other previously has lead to openly discussing how they are doing and sharing their situations with each other. This is huge, and a bloody big step in healing the gaping wounds within our masculine energy on the planet. Time to surrender. Time to connect to the heart. Time to re-prioritise. Time to create a new and connected way to live which includes the divine masculine. Oh, yes. We are changed forever. It’s up to us to watch what our attention is focused on. Are you trying to get things back to the way they were? Or are you courageously attentive to your thoughts and energy as the world around us takes a new shape- bravely entering the unknown with child like curiosity? What are you co-creating? Fear? Or connection? Hope or hopelessness? Love or separation?

I enter this time and every minute with hope- that being present in the moment connected to my energy with the loving prayer to help calm others and lovingly support them during these changes IS energetically felt.

I have faith, absolute faith in the forming soul connection of each person having a huge impact on humanity.

To the shifting <3

With love,
Elise

Tools to Use on the Path of Knowing Thyself

In this podcast I speak about the perspective of seeing the karma, the triggers, the family patterns we experience in our life as tools to knowing ourselves deeper and with more compassion. Giving ourselves something to sink our teeth into whilst on the path of evolution, and knowing ourselves. As Rumi puts it, “The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you already are.” By knowing ourselves, we learn the sacred mysteries of the universe and embody it in our lives….

https://eliseheyward.podbean.com/e/tools-to-use-on-the-path-of-knowing-thyself/

From the Temple of Dendera