Sometimes it can feel like you would like someone else to just step up and make really hard life decisions for you. Sometimes, the truth underneath it all feels like a fear to take the wrong step, the wrong decision, the wrong path…. And so, it can seem like an eternity standing in one place, hearing the potent whispers of what is on the other side, but knowing there is a mountain to cross first.
What if there is no wrong step in life, and we’ve been fed a lie to strive for perfection, to figure out what we want and ‘go for it’, to ‘settle down’…..
But life…. life doesn’t run according to the rules in our own mind of how it should look. Perhaps life is meant to be humbling, meant to break us to feel our core, to let the light in, to allow love into every part of us, to have deeper relationships with ourselves and others…..
It’s all okay. To be still and not step is okay. To step in a direction is okay. To run in a direction is okay. It’s all going to be that mountain. Breathe. Stay with it, be in it, learn from it.
Each path you choose, whether stationary, slowly moving, or sprinting, will give the opportunities for the lessons your life will bring.
Be in the present….. Practice being in the present….. Allow the exploration and living to come. Trust yourself and your path. Enjoy your life. Change the things you can change, let go of the rest. Don’t waste time worrying. Practice being in the moment. The future really is the unknown. So live… Taste more, touch more, smell more, feel more, allow yourself to feel joy and happiness in the midst of chaos. This is your life.
I surrender, Oh I can no longer put up the walls before truth
Of love, of the ultimate connection
Of passionate embodiment, of laying alone,
Of being touched by that which cannot be explained
Of that which flows through my body,
Of that which I denied for lifetimes
Of that which no longer harbours denial.
No, take me beyond-
So far beyond that I am deeply, oh so deeply embedded within myself.
So that there is no separation
Oh, use these hands to do your will,
Use my eyes to dwell upon what I must,
Use my heart as a doorway to you
Use my body for deep connection
Take me beyond the smallness
I may wish to keep or my own egotistical reasons
Take me beyond, far beyond.
Let my soul touch and be touched by you
Let me serve you within me and without me.
Let there be a sacred connection, a bond, a knowing
That can never be spoken, such is the truth.
Let me serve the unknown, rich and potent.
I am yours…..
Featured Art by Jeffrey Lohrius
Written by Elise Heyward
It is the pause between the notes played where the music is most felt and experienced…. It is the pause between the in breath and the out breath where the unknown and peace dwells…. It is in the pause of the open, connected, courageously vulnerable naked gaze into another’s eyes where true intimacy is experienced and explored….. The pause…. oh, the pause…. so delicately balanced, holding the opposites of emotional drama with stillness and silence… of unwavering witness with quivering anticipation of the next ‘note’…. This silence, oh sweet delectable silence that highlights the energy within the most potently intimate crevices of our beings and interactions. May we never lose an opportunity to experience the simple delights that life has to offer. May our lives become a beautiful symphony.
Keeping meditation teaching real, bringing vulnerability and truth to the moment is so vital to keep in alignment to be of service whilst teaching an important life skill. Perfectionism will go by the wayside if we can just relax and be our authentic selves giving permission for others to do the same.
I have been contemplating what meditation is and isn’t, to me. I have had extensive training in the more esoteric background and have now come into the actual learning of different meditation techniques and gaining the qualification to teach meditation to others. What I realise I do when I guide and teach meditation is merge the two teachings together. The pearls of wisdom from my previous esoteric teachers, gathered in chaotic circumstances to uncover truth in every moment and to live from this place, with that inner connection and embodiment is gorgeous and amazing. The stillness that came with some, or most of the techniques in meditation helped me to sink roots deeper and allow higher vibrations to more consciously flow through me in the delicious, deep and patient meditation methods. So that I could really steep in my own essence, witness myself with passionate intimacy and open my mind and body into a suppleness I haven’t experienced before in my life. From studying these seemingly opposite modalities, I can see how they both are a part of a continuum of ONEness. It is creating a beautiful merging of two opposite worlds and is simply enhancing my absolute respect for both modalities.
The more feminine approach is of letting go of restrictions, of embodiment, movement, to allow chaos, flow, rawness, beauty, power, grace, and love be a part of your life. Truly embody it and allow its expression to be present. To experience the plethora of different feminine expressions within each one of us there is a need to be willing to journey into a space of letting go of control for a period of time whilst being guided by the facilitator (at the start). This is opposite of what many western cultures, and in fact many cultures teach- which is control, balance, restrict, silence, not make a scene, don’t express the full range of emotions- truth in the moment. This is often seen as ‘uncivilised’ and archaic, as if we have evolved from this type of behaviour…. but have we really evolved?The basis of these teachings I previously spoke about revolve around the fact that it is energetic- the feminine. It is called shakti in the yogic tradition as the energy that moves form- the masculine. But, over thousands of years traditions have opted to serve only that which could be seen- the masculine physical world. So the feelings, emotions, energy within and around was ignored.
The teachings taught in the Occult traditions kept the flame of the relationship between the feminine and masculine energy alive. Focused on Oneness, in these teachings, both the energy (feminine) and the physical (masculine) were equally worked with. It was known that if energy is suppressed it doesn’t go anywhere, it is stored in the body. Furthermore, this can cause disease and illness in the body. The feminine practices work to release stored energy which presents itself as pain, tension, or perhaps it hasn’t become represented in the physical form yet. So the energy clearing occurs by allowing the body to simply release what it needs to release, by moving the way it needs to move could prevent the physical expression of this, and act as a preventative or a stress release of pent up energy, kind of like pressing ‘re-boot’.
Ancient Egyptian Cults played a huge role in continuing the energetic thread of this ancient wisdom. It is in the balance of these two extreme energies that we can gain balance- not from stifling them, or restricting them with how we perceive ‘awakening’ should look. Relate this to today, even meditation teachers fall under the pressure and culture of how they themselves should be. Now that I am adorned with this mysterious piece of paper giving me the authority to actually teach meditation to others, I have felt the energetics of the need to behave calm all of the time, or be perceived to be calm all of the time. That isn’t me. In this environment? During a pandemic? In lockdown with my two children? I have my personal practices which help me better parent and handle emergencies when called upon, but I do slip from time to time. I am human. I am perceiving in some circles some ‘acting’ other than what is true in the moment. My devotion is to stay real in the moment.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is no perfection in meditation. It’s a practice. Sometimes you go deep, sometimes you don’t. Honouring what arises wherever you are at in practice or in life is the perfection in it. Meditation teachers, or in fact even esoteric facilitators can get caught up on how they ‘should’ be perceived. What I feel is more important is truth. Is to show the humanness, as well as the amazing essence and divinity of someone. I can chat and even be telling a story before a meditation in my own authentic voice and expression that is relatable and HUMAN (sometimes I get excited and swear a little)- my point is, the sense of belonging can be shared. When it’s time for teaching and guiding meditation that ‘HUMAN ME’ slowly drains away and the depth of the practice comes in and service of the divinity or light, within a person and within the room is surrendered to in the moment, based on the energy of the room and who is present, we flow into a meditation aligned with this. Then after the meditation when everyone who wishes to share has shared, then I’ll chat and laugh and tell stories again. It’s a sacred union of humanness, ego and personality WITH connecting to something more than that…. just sublime….
Show me a meditation teacher who has done the work on themselves and I will see his or her authenticity. Being OK in their own methods, and styles, with life experience to have the maturity to hold space and willingness to learn from whatever is presented when it is presented is a must to gain the trust of those who are willing to enter the unknown with you. Humble to know it is the teachings, not themselves the people gather for. Devoted to getting their own ego out of the way to serve with sincerity, and devotion something higher than themselves within the room and within each person gathered. Leading by example only to reveal the truth that meditation is a tool to aid in the path of life- essentially entering the unknown and getting to know and connect to oneself in this amazing and often difficult process. It doesn’t matter which method you choose- masculine or feminine or bridging the gap between them, all can if taught in an intentional way, take you deep into connection and knowing thyself.
There are times when this is not always the case, for example some inherited diseases and illnesses, however doing a regular practice of what feels good for the body the soul has taken unique to each person, will help to reduce the ailments of the body in this instance. It is not simply a matter of moving the body and allowing it to subconsciously take care of things for you in the feminine. At least that hasn’t been the case for me, with two children to stay present for. I feel that we have evolved the masculine parts of us in this culture for a reason. Yes, there are distortions and the creation of patriarchy which has its faults, but we have the opportunity to bring consciousness or clarity to our lives. So, doing meditation under the more masculine method of witnessing, stillness, quietness is a perfect companion to the uncontrollable sometimes wild expression of the feminine.
For me, in my own practice, I cannot do one without the other, it feels like something is missing. The masculine helps us to live in this world, to be present to ourselves, to hold space for ourselves when things get difficult, to be witness with love, to act on plans and get things done out in the world. We need a healthy dose of this. But, in my teachings, there’s a gorgeous sacred union of diving equally into both, a cohesion. What one lacks, the other provides…. and vice versa. Oh, it’s such a beautiful path to walk on.
Let go…. let go into the night sky
No different from the expanse of the ocean….
Somewhere between the two,
In the space where the ocean and sky meet
Is where we rebirth- you and me…
Floating with both above and below
The invitation on the swell of the ocean
And the touch of the gentle breeze
Both praying for the same thing:
They whisper in unison,
From above, and from below
Poised in timeless, weightless space:-
“surrender, open, merge, allow…
surrender, open, merge, allow…
surrender, open, merge, allow….”
For there is more than what you see
More than just making money,
Or upholding the norm….
More than the friends you have
or the family you’re from…
The sacred mysteries come,
Come knocking and inviting,
Patiently inquiring and merging
within the depths of your soul.
“Is there more?” You’ve asked yourself before
And to this the answer you shall have
when opened to explore…
Courage is to open, to feel to trust
In the path not revealed,
but rather constantly unravelling…
But oh, what an exciting life awaits
On the other side of fear and restrictions.
More than a mere temptation,
And more than you’ve been told exists….
It beckons and becomes too loud to ignore
It’s down to choice and a willingness to see
At how passionate, and full, and sweet life can really be…
Today I listened to the Great Marianne Williamson about forgiveness and releasing. She made some valid points – namely that we can choose to let the woundings, the lack of forgiveness, the judgements, the ‘fill in the blanks with your baggage’ and step into 2021 free of these, or at least consciously looking at them and being willing in any moment that life presents an opportunity to you- to change a behaviour or pattern that you ordinarily react with. Even a slight change can make a world of difference. She asked for all of us to collaborate in love. To be a collective of loving individuals prepared to change within for changes to occur outside of us. I love that. So here’s the thing that gets me. The hardest thing to do this in is relationships. I see this in sister wounds and group wounds. I see this in intimate relationships. I see this in relationship with Self. The more there is heaviness, or awkwardness provides the best manure for growth. This is the place to step into our woundings- whatever they are, and humbly see what’s there with compassion for self. We all f*#*k up from time to time.
It’s time we forgave ourselves and others. Open up to the mysteries, the magic, and the miracles that exist beyond our attachments to our heavy woundings.
It’s almost an identity we can have- “This happened to me when I was…. He did this….. My Mum did that….” The people involved, the situation, or whatever is there that is being held onto has power over you. The more unwilling to forgive is a reflection of YOUR inner world and not the person that did something to you or the circumstance that happened. Let’s go a little deeper:-
Victim: First recorded in 1490-1500 from the Latin word victima sacrificial animal (Dictionary .com).
When we look at this we are not animals- nor helpless, nor are we being sacrificed. We may be at the time of atrocities, of unfairness. But, we clearly are still alive- have not died. The alteration of the meaning of this word has taken away power. Forgiveness is the soul cleansing act that reclaims it. To get to forgiveness is to trudge through the woundings, or that which separates you from your essence and connection with others. This is an arduous task, but one that sings hauntingly to those who are called to the path of the soul and the lessons born to experience in this life. We are meant to make mistakes- that’s how we learn. Sometimes, people get hurt. We get hurt. We have a choice. To stay here- or to see it, honour it, LEARN from it- then let it go. In doing so we can then reach place of forgiveness. It doesn’t grow on trees. It’s not a pill we can pop and then ALL will be forgiven. It’s life’s challenge to rise above, learn and grow. And this takes courage.
Hero/ Heroine: A person noted for courageous acts, or a person considered as a role model for certain traits.
When these are applied to the inner journey of truth, otherwise known as the Hero/ Heroines Journey (of which we are all here for in differing ways) is of true empowerment that ultimately leads us to have faith and let go and trusting one meets challenges and gathers the tools/ knowledge/ understanding needed to face them. When we look at ancient mystical teachings, opposites exist and must. Where there is light, there is dark; where there is feminine there is masculine; where there is cool there is heat etc. When there is a problem- there is also presented a solution. It is up to us to be the clear vessel to enable the solution to be embodied and lived. It is not just about logic. This is a soul deep immersion that spreads throughout the body. The mind can get the hell out of the way and in fact can be used in a manner to aid in the embodiment, complete immersion on the path. It must. Before the sword of truth goes outward, it first must be turned onto self so that we can see our woundings, or fears that may express unhealthily outward toward others. The ‘sword’ I speak of can be thoughts. When a negative thought comes up about another, turn it around. Look at it. With compassion know that this comes from somewhere within you and find that place. Sit with it. This is an investigation, thank that thought as this is a way to understand and release a wound or fear within you that otherwise would not be touched and essentially left to fester and ooze its way out and into our life. We have doctors and nurses who investigate our external physical wounds, letting us know if there needs to be more treatment, more investigation…. but our inner wounds are our responsibility. We have the answer within that comes when the wound arises. That we can trust in, when we do the work of looking at the truth within, we can open to the solutions. We just have to be prepared to see what’s happening and let go into the process of life to go on the journey to release them when they present.
So, our openness, our freedom, our life force is up to us. The more we hold onto woundings or judgements or other negative aspects of our mind, the more we move away from our power. When we have the courage and compassion to step into the challenges presented to us in our lives, the more we create space to let go, to unravel the pain and anger the wounds etc have on us, and forgive- not so much for the other person, but for ourselves and our growth whilst in this body.
Sending so much love and empowerment to you as you step into 2021. Know that you aren’t alone- we are all here to help walk each other home.
I am awakened once more from my slumber with the Gods
It’s not the desire of the fleshly meeting, no…
Nor is it attempting to satiate the insatiable-
Which lingers as long as I shall have breath in my body,
Song in my throat, a beating heart and spirit in my eyes…
Clean all parts of me that thinks it knows,
Replace it with the innocent curiosity of a child….
I surrender to that part of me that cannot be satiated-
That part that yearns more than anything for the most sacred union
Taking me beyond yet being within my own body more than ever
Allowing connection so deeply: Merging, infusing, creating…
Strong and true in my own being, whole within myself-
My practice, my creativity, my holding, my truth, my embodiment
Yet knowing this to be also in other-
For we are all connected, all part of the All.
I open to all that will come my way, all in the sacred unfolding
And so I continue the practice of union within Self-
Merging two opposites, surrendering, allowing and being in presence.
A deepening of love, of faith, of connection to the ALL
From here let me live….
“You cannot let life break you. Instead let it build you….” Caroline Myss
Truth is there. Unbridled and resting within our core. Truth is there. For those with the courage to see it, to feel it, to embody it… Truth is there. For everyone to listen to, to open to, to trust…. Truth is there. Though not usually jumped into…. Truth is there. Though fear aides the turning away from it Truth is there. Though many suppress inner knowings and numb awareness Truth is there. Though can’t be controlled as we enter the deep unknown Truth is there. Though painful ends and shattered dreams may result Truth is there. It lurks in the dark, knocks on our doors and sends us constant messages Truth is there. Addictions, suppression and numbing reigns if unwilling to see it Truth is here. Say yes and watch our soul journey take off. Truth is here. Surrendering all that we thought was right before. Truth is here. Energy is growing and new contracts are formed Truth is here for those with the courage to face it Truth is here for those who don’t have the courage to face it Life serves us our individual lessons, forming who we are becoming along the way. Truth is the guide through the unknown. Truth is always there for us to dive into… Truth is the guide through our Hero’s or Heroine’s journey. Truth shapes who we are, and it’s the way we face truth as we embark on our journey That is most important now.