The Life That is Waiting for Us….

“You must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

 

I had planned it from the age of 4. Built my whole identity of who I was around it. I had decided the world was dangerous and I was going to fix it. I would be a Police Officer. Throughout my upbringing I acted as I thought a ‘Police Officer’ would act. Said no to things that many people in their youth said yes to. I towed the thin blue line before even joining. I was responsible, very responsible. I was dependable, and held very high standards for myself on my reputation I was building. At the age of 23 I joined the NSW Police Force, I became what I always wanted to ‘be’. I fell in love with my superior officer, and after four years of being ‘in the job’, I married him and had children taking maternity leave and working part time. My children began to open me to the fact that I had been on auto pilot, desperately wanting to keep my husband happy- but who was depressed or anxious a lot of the time, desperately clinging to my identity of the dependable protector, out to catch the ‘bad ones’, and right the wrongs…. My children saved my life. It put a spanner in the identity I had created for myself. I stopped drinking alcohol, which I did to give me the courage to be able to put down my barriers I had built to have deep and meaningful conversations, to connect deeply with others. I felt so alone…. After having my first born, I went back to work and gained a shoulder injury that needed two lots of surgery. I was finding more time. More space…. We decided to have a second child and I was NOT going to have another bad labour. I found Yoga and meditation and did it throughout my pregnancy without skipping a day of practice…… It was my first opening and felt like I was making love with the air, with myself…. It was the first time I opened enough space to feel my life force energy- and it was palpable.

Whilst meditating I dared to connect to my baby. I found when I breathed in, he would move around, thankful for the extra space, and when I would rhythmically exhale, he would rest and relax…. I had visions of the room, even the door with the number of the room I was in, ‘222’. I was so connected to my life force and feminine intuition. Little did I know this would prepare me for the best labour and birth I could have ever imagined. Ancestors surrounded me, and held my back and loved me. I wasn’t in fear, and I definitely wasn’t alone (despite my poor husband at the time doing his best but absolutely terrified). I went back to Policing and my back immediately went out. I couldn’t stand up. No one would touch me- doctors, Physio… because of the swelling. I was desperate for some relief, or healing, or something… and I came across reiki. This practitioner helped to love the pain to relax, my swelling started to go down the more I relaxed and stayed away from work…. I went back to work three weeks later but not for long. I could feel it was the end (and lets face it I didn’t want to have my body go through something else to have more time off). So I resigned on good terms, just knowing my time was up. Luckily, my husband at the time didn’t much like looking after the kids whilst I worked and so it was agreed he would sell his investment house and I would stay home with the kids and start a tea business.



I dove into the opposite energy that I had been working with- I was being lured into embodying that gorgeous life force energy in a huge way- I was heading into embodiment work which I had never heard of before. If it wasn’t for the teacher being a deep soul sister of mine, I may have ran out of the first workshop I ever went to. Sexuality, sensuality, love, flow, power, truth, dark/ light…. I sold my car to be able to afford to work with this teacher for five weeks 1 on 1. And after five years, my teacher became my mentor, and I became an embodiment facilitator. My identification I had for myself was shifting rapidly. I was letting go of the masculine Policing parts, and balancing the two in an androgynous union within myself. It was becoming a love affair. I wanted to deepen the potency of my masculine energy and so dived into an intense meditation course which took over one and a half years to immerse myself in and complete. During this there were two deaths in the family prior to COVID hitting, and then there was the start of COVID, and my marriage break down. Once again, another layer of identity gone. I decided to do nothing with my business. I didn’t know what was up or down. I was being stripped bare. All of my fears came to the surface. I abandoned myself so many times. I drank alcohol. I ate less than healthy foods. I went back to my husband. I tried desperately to fit back into societal mould. I had a plan: I would shut off the Shakti. Yep, I would shut it down. I realised I couldn’t get back into the square, no matter how much I thought I had wanted to. My soul was not in the relationship. I couldn’t be with my ex. I ended the romantic part of our relationship permanently.

‘The dark night of the soul’ took me into a dark, lonely place. I turned my back on everything, even myself. But, Ancient Egyptian mysteries whispered to me as I dreamt. It called me as I would try to sleep…. I surrendered to it and sat at my computer. What flowed through was a workshop I was to run online about the wisdom of Thoth- an ancient Egyptian God. It was only until I did this workshop that I could feel a jolt of life and magic in me again. Synchronicities started to happen in my life again. I realised that I was self inflicting my suffering and I was the only one who could get myself out of it. I reached out to a friend. The next day was what changed my life. Long story short, we connected with a group of women who we did embodiment practices with many years ago, all to connect. My ‘Anum Caras’ which means soul friends in Gaelic. We gathered, we danced, we embodied- for the love of ourselves, for the love of each other, for the love of the world that keeps breaking our hearts time and time again. All the while honouring the sensitivity we have to it all, honouring the courage it takes to feel and be open, heart soft in a world where it is not unanimously practiced. So, I opened again. I let the life force pour through me. I let it move me. I wept, I sang, I laughed… I let go into this life. I said ‘yes’…

Why now?- Because I can no longer fit into the square of keeping quiet. I know others will feel this, relate to it. Rise to the challenges of life. I went from being a disconnected Police Officer who was entirely unhappy with the life I had chosen for myself, to learning how to step toward the life that is true for my crazy wild energy and in alignment with my soul. If I can do it in the way it looks for me, then you can, too. I am grateful for the lessons that life has thrown at me which have given me so much life experience, in a way that it has developed my masculine to be in alignment with my feminine and it feels so, so good. I am pushed out of my comfort zone to share this with you as part of my knowing it’s time to step out and to serve. I hope others can see their own continual story as something to be grateful for as you walk through your life, gathering the amazing nuggets of wisdom along the way.

Embodiment workshop coming soon…. Let’s dive!



Sending love and support to you,


Elise

To work online with me click here
https://www.instagram.com/connection_meditations/

Enough is Enough

It breaks me. It makes me sink to my knees perplexed at how we have managed to end up here. In this place where it is a rarity to collectively feel relaxed, happy and content. Where we don’t say the words, ‘It’s just the way it is. What do you do?’ Do? DO?

I’m not buying it any longer. Stay on your lounge eating potato chips while the world around you slowly dies. Stay glued to the TV while you numb yourself from thoughts about the stresses of the days work. Stay looking at the next holiday so you can escape this madness for a while- maybe you can pay it off? Maybe you’ll get a nasty credit card bill that only adds to your stress when you return. Return. RETURN!

Return, that’s it. If you stay glued to this cycle then you won’t know what else life can offer…. and there IS SO MUCH MORE. But it takes guts. It takes change. It takes not fucking throwing your life away on sedentary, numbing, melancholic things or practices. It takes challenging yourself to learn new things. It takes doing things just for yourself to enjoy. It takes stopping those thoughts of ‘I can’t, I have no time.’ What have you done? To have no time to live? What has happened to you? When did you stop fucking loving yourself??? Leading by example of how interesting and limitless life can be? Did you ever watch your parents or an adult having no time as a kid? Did it look like fun? Did it look like a good use of energy? Time to break free of this outdated pattern structure within us. Don’t worry, your family will still exist and love you. It’s time to consciously look at why we do the things we do, and take our sovereign power back.

I’m not writing this to get you to feel shame. I’m writing this to shake you up, shake you a little to let some of the truth seep in. You are in charge of your life. Not your kids, not your husband, not your job…. YOU. Take responsibility for this and make the change. You know WHAT needs to happen inside. YOU know what YOU uniquely love. Come back to YOU. Even if it’s rising 30 minutes before the house hold to do something just for you- yoga, a work out, meditation, drawing, writing… whatever it is. Give yourself the time. Like a long lost friend coming to town to see you- you’d create time for them, right? Well, do it for YOU! Daily! What do YOU NEED? You’re bloody well worth it. And your relationships will thrive the more you thrive.

It’s time to give back to Self. It’s time to create space. It’s time to stop looking outwards and start to make the changes to come back into our own power. For when we shift our internal world, the world around us shifts too. And you become a beacon of light, living by example of the fact it can be done. Change can happen and it’s worth it, even if it’s an internal shift. Pass on the torch. Be the change. I’m with you.

With love
Elise

Art by Babs Art Creations

The Warrioress

The Warrioress

 

Coming from a place of divinity,

The Warrioress is here to be claimed.
Deeply honouring and protecting our worldly natural rhythms

With fierce love, grace and passion.

She will not be corrupted, nor manipulated.

Standing as a tall tree, bending and moving in the blowing gale. 

Rooted.

With the faith that what She is here for is valuable.

Whatever that may be.

 

Knowing that She will stand with others,
helping them plant their roots and reach upward,

with flexibility and strength,
but not the need for reward.

 

No matter the adversity

Nor the pain that penetrates a constantly open, soft heart
In a world of despair, harsh power distortions, disappointment and greed.

 

Staying supple,

Fueled with compassion,

and lovingly connected,

Yet firm in her standing.

Present to everything NOW.

 

Grounded, yet connected.
Focused, yet opened to her shakti.

 

Let her dance…

 

Oh, let her protect you gently with a loving connected hug.
Let her hold you in your deepening and opening to feel it All,
With the courage to be tested and pushed into the unknown…

 

She kneels humbly before adversity,

Allowing for insights,
Opening to truth,

Even if great pain is the only result.

 

So connected to the heart that a fire burns fiercely,
While a penetrating heaviness resides in body and mind.
She no longer relies on the breath of others to inflate her courage.
Her fire burns self-sufficiently.

She was sent to break thousands of years of brainwashing.
Her love permeates as She gently but fiercely says “No”.

She enfolds with a loving embrace.

This Warrioress is called upon now.

 

Can you claim her within yourself?
Can you stand in your courage as your heart breaks and fear arises?

When your knees tremble and you see hate in the eyes of another?
Can you continue to love openly, unwaveringly, grace-filled, with great fluidity?
Can you be that Warrior of Love, a beacon of light now?

Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Simon Goinard