Floating yet grounded, Being touched deeply within Yet not at all Beauty caresses and engulfs me As I stand exactly where I am In a time warp of entangled time Tapping into desires unmet Truth stabbing into my being Like a long lost lover From a long lost dream…. Twisting and turning, Haunting me like a solo violin Cutting through the thick air- Of excitement, anticipation and fear…. A whisper echoes, traces of something A scent left lingering The energy felt An inner stirring of a life once known A deep remembering, a knowing Rising to the surface Wisdom speaks and says ‘be patient’ And so, I sit. I breathe this fire Up and down and around my body Igniting and fuelling every crevice I am alone- yet intimately connected Truth lies in timelessness- In the gentle reminder All will be revealed in time Or perhaps not at all- Let go:- Be still, and feel…. Be still and feel….. Be still and feel…..
It is the pause between the notes played where the music is most felt and experienced…. It is the pause between the in breath and the out breath where the unknown and peace dwells…. It is in the pause of the open, connected, courageously vulnerable naked gaze into another’s eyes where true intimacy is experienced and explored….. The pause…. oh, the pause…. so delicately balanced, holding the opposites of emotional drama with stillness and silence… of unwavering witness with quivering anticipation of the next ‘note’…. This silence, oh sweet delectable silence that highlights the energy within the most potently intimate crevices of our beings and interactions. May we never lose an opportunity to experience the simple delights that life has to offer. May our lives become a beautiful symphony.
Keeping meditation teaching real, bringing vulnerability and truth to the moment is so vital to keep in alignment to be of service whilst teaching an important life skill. Perfectionism will go by the wayside if we can just relax and be our authentic selves giving permission for others to do the same.
I have been contemplating what meditation is and isn’t, to me. I have had extensive training in the more esoteric background and have now come into the actual learning of different meditation techniques and gaining the qualification to teach meditation to others. What I realise I do when I guide and teach meditation is merge the two teachings together. The pearls of wisdom from my previous esoteric teachers, gathered in chaotic circumstances to uncover truth in every moment and to live from this place, with that inner connection and embodiment is gorgeous and amazing. The stillness that came with some, or most of the techniques in meditation helped me to sink roots deeper and allow higher vibrations to more consciously flow through me in the delicious, deep and patient meditation methods. So that I could really steep in my own essence, witness myself with passionate intimacy and open my mind and body into a suppleness I haven’t experienced before in my life. From studying these seemingly opposite modalities, I can see how they both are a part of a continuum of ONEness. It is creating a beautiful merging of two opposite worlds and is simply enhancing my absolute respect for both modalities.
The more feminine approach is of letting go of restrictions, of embodiment, movement, to allow chaos, flow, rawness, beauty, power, grace, and love be a part of your life. Truly embody it and allow its expression to be present. To experience the plethora of different feminine expressions within each one of us there is a need to be willing to journey into a space of letting go of control for a period of time whilst being guided by the facilitator (at the start). This is opposite of what many western cultures, and in fact many cultures teach- which is control, balance, restrict, silence, not make a scene, don’t express the full range of emotions- truth in the moment. This is often seen as ‘uncivilised’ and archaic, as if we have evolved from this type of behaviour…. but have we really evolved?The basis of these teachings I previously spoke about revolve around the fact that it is energetic- the feminine. It is called shakti in the yogic tradition as the energy that moves form- the masculine. But, over thousands of years traditions have opted to serve only that which could be seen- the masculine physical world. So the feelings, emotions, energy within and around was ignored.
The teachings taught in the Occult traditions kept the flame of the relationship between the feminine and masculine energy alive. Focused on Oneness, in these teachings, both the energy (feminine) and the physical (masculine) were equally worked with. It was known that if energy is suppressed it doesn’t go anywhere, it is stored in the body. Furthermore, this can cause disease and illness in the body. The feminine practices work to release stored energy which presents itself as pain, tension, or perhaps it hasn’t become represented in the physical form yet. So the energy clearing occurs by allowing the body to simply release what it needs to release, by moving the way it needs to move could prevent the physical expression of this, and act as a preventative or a stress release of pent up energy, kind of like pressing ‘re-boot’.
Ancient Egyptian Cults played a huge role in continuing the energetic thread of this ancient wisdom. It is in the balance of these two extreme energies that we can gain balance- not from stifling them, or restricting them with how we perceive ‘awakening’ should look. Relate this to today, even meditation teachers fall under the pressure and culture of how they themselves should be. Now that I am adorned with this mysterious piece of paper giving me the authority to actually teach meditation to others, I have felt the energetics of the need to behave calm all of the time, or be perceived to be calm all of the time. That isn’t me. In this environment? During a pandemic? In lockdown with my two children? I have my personal practices which help me better parent and handle emergencies when called upon, but I do slip from time to time. I am human. I am perceiving in some circles some ‘acting’ other than what is true in the moment. My devotion is to stay real in the moment.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is no perfection in meditation. It’s a practice. Sometimes you go deep, sometimes you don’t. Honouring what arises wherever you are at in practice or in life is the perfection in it. Meditation teachers, or in fact even esoteric facilitators can get caught up on how they ‘should’ be perceived. What I feel is more important is truth. Is to show the humanness, as well as the amazing essence and divinity of someone. I can chat and even be telling a story before a meditation in my own authentic voice and expression that is relatable and HUMAN (sometimes I get excited and swear a little)- my point is, the sense of belonging can be shared. When it’s time for teaching and guiding meditation that ‘HUMAN ME’ slowly drains away and the depth of the practice comes in and service of the divinity or light, within a person and within the room is surrendered to in the moment, based on the energy of the room and who is present, we flow into a meditation aligned with this. Then after the meditation when everyone who wishes to share has shared, then I’ll chat and laugh and tell stories again. It’s a sacred union of humanness, ego and personality WITH connecting to something more than that…. just sublime….
Show me a meditation teacher who has done the work on themselves and I will see his or her authenticity. Being OK in their own methods, and styles, with life experience to have the maturity to hold space and willingness to learn from whatever is presented when it is presented is a must to gain the trust of those who are willing to enter the unknown with you. Humble to know it is the teachings, not themselves the people gather for. Devoted to getting their own ego out of the way to serve with sincerity, and devotion something higher than themselves within the room and within each person gathered. Leading by example only to reveal the truth that meditation is a tool to aid in the path of life- essentially entering the unknown and getting to know and connect to oneself in this amazing and often difficult process. It doesn’t matter which method you choose- masculine or feminine or bridging the gap between them, all can if taught in an intentional way, take you deep into connection and knowing thyself.
There are times when this is not always the case, for example some inherited diseases and illnesses, however doing a regular practice of what feels good for the body the soul has taken unique to each person, will help to reduce the ailments of the body in this instance. It is not simply a matter of moving the body and allowing it to subconsciously take care of things for you in the feminine. At least that hasn’t been the case for me, with two children to stay present for. I feel that we have evolved the masculine parts of us in this culture for a reason. Yes, there are distortions and the creation of patriarchy which has its faults, but we have the opportunity to bring consciousness or clarity to our lives. So, doing meditation under the more masculine method of witnessing, stillness, quietness is a perfect companion to the uncontrollable sometimes wild expression of the feminine.
For me, in my own practice, I cannot do one without the other, it feels like something is missing. The masculine helps us to live in this world, to be present to ourselves, to hold space for ourselves when things get difficult, to be witness with love, to act on plans and get things done out in the world. We need a healthy dose of this. But, in my teachings, there’s a gorgeous sacred union of diving equally into both, a cohesion. What one lacks, the other provides…. and vice versa. Oh, it’s such a beautiful path to walk on.
I am already soaked through to the bone from tending my garden, Tending to my weeds and exploring my inner plants… I implore you to saturate me to my core That I may feel my pulsing energy from within So that I may be immersed in the glorious Connection and reunion with you… Again and again and again Of this I will never get tired Saturate me so that my marrow purifies And opens to the blinding radiance Splaying untruths out of me… Let me whisper only prayers from my lips Poised in the timeless moment, surrendered With the passion of an alive body, Opening, opening, opening to be saturated once more Surround me, enter me, embrace me, love me- For I am soaked through in the ever connecting light Connection…. connection…. connection….. yes Love…. deep, potent and infinite – It never left.
The wild woman beats within her bosom
The rain pelts down on her face
Her roles are forgotten now
In this moment of opposites.
The road is warm beneath her
The rain pelting down is cool-
She feels both simultaneously
on her body, and laughter arises…
Out of the bliss and ecstasy
Rising through the body, where energy abounds
Thrusting through the core of her being-
The storm in her personal life
Seems so small and inconsequential.
Grateful for being so unable to control
The weather that is wild
The storm causing blackouts
The lightning flashing around her
The thunder vibrating ground that holds her
Yes. No control…….
Just surrender to the difficulties-
No control, keep stepping into the eye of the storm.
No control, can’t see through to the peaceful weather
No control, finding peace in that, surrendering…
No control, a gentle reminder to live for now
To trust in the moment, to feel the sensations
And to learn, be humble, and have courage
Trusting in the process, no matter the storm
There are so many aspects to look at when you feel like you’ve outgrown your marriage. In this video, I explore the sign posts to step through to see if the relationship can begin again, or if it simply is not in the highest for either one of you. Use everything in your life to grow, to know thyself. Please don’t throw this opportunity away to learn more about yourself and what aligns and what doesn’t.
With the Sound of Music song wafting into my mind- “Climb every mountain, board every stream, follow every rainbow….” makes me feel that perhaps it’s best to get your learnings from your husband/ wife now, then to continue the patterns with someone else? If, of course, both are prepared to a certain extent to do this.
Please have a watch of my latest YouTube Video on my brand new channel: ‘Spiritual Growth and Motherhood’.
Today is a ‘meh’ day. You ever get the days where everything moves in slow motion, even seemingly time. Usually it goes quickly! I wanted to come here and just be raw. Be real. I noticed I want to wrap myself in a gentle blanket today. I want to be so gentle with myself that outside influences feel like penetrating knives into my world. Such is my sensitivity right now….
So in the rest of this paragraph I am going to mention stuff for women- men, proceed to paragraph 2:
It is my time to be in PMS. It’s my time to honour what in ancient times in many different tribes around the world was honoured to be the most psychic and connected time for a woman. It is marked now by tiredness, anger, impatience in this time and responsibilities in the Western world…. but, the time prior to the period and during, in the past, women were honoured and how they served themselves with gentleness and quiet time to self and reflection, also served the tribe. Their roles changed. If a mystical question needed to be asked, they would seek out a woman who was in the ‘space’ to answer.
I have decided to be gentle with myself as much as possible. To flow with my own rhythm. Despite having two vivacious boys and a loud and often busy household. But if I turn my attention to it, then I can make a difference in my every day moments. I have found time to slip away and write this! But I am open to this being interrupted and changing. I am also hoping to meditate after this is typed out, in honour of the quiet contemplation and sacred rituals of my ancient ancestors, and bringing just a little more mystery into my quietude today.
I really hope that you can create time today for yourself and what you and your body needs.
Loads of love and hope,