Crawling Back to Being Just Me (poem)

There are times I lack flow,
Understanding,
Openness….
There are times when I feel so heavy
All I can do is close my eyes
And give myself to me
Over and over again….
There may be no more beauty
than a sledge hammer.
There may be no more passion
Than a piece of cardboard.
But what is left in this moment?
What is left when all is peeled back
When I come, I sit in this place?
Me- unmasked.
Me- prepared to face truth.
I needn’t act in any way
I needn’t impress others
I needn’t talk to anyone
I may just be here in all of my shit
In all of the self talk, in all of the ugliness
In all of the unmistakeable truth
And here, here I sit, here I breathe
Here, just here in my humanness
Learning to love all there is right now
To love all the fears, the ugliness, the broken bits
Being okay, being okay with just being okay.
Just me. Being just me. Exploring just me.

Featured art by Graham Dean

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Surrender, Open, Merge, Allow (poem)

Let go…. let go into the night sky
No different from the expanse of the ocean….
Somewhere between the two,
In the space where the ocean and sky meet
Is where we rebirth- you and me…
Floating with both above and below
The invitation on the swell of the ocean
And the touch of the gentle breeze
Both praying for the same thing:
They whisper in unison,
From above, and from below
Poised in timeless, weightless space:-

“surrender, open, merge, allow…

surrender, open, merge, allow…

surrender, open, merge, allow….”

For there is more than what you see
More than just making money,
Or upholding the norm….
More than the friends you have
or the family you’re from…
The sacred mysteries come,
Come knocking and inviting,
Patiently inquiring and merging
within the depths of your soul.
“Is there more?” You’ve asked yourself before
And to this the answer you shall have
when opened to explore…
Courage is to open, to feel to trust
In the path not revealed,
but rather constantly unravelling…
But oh, what an exciting life awaits
On the other side of fear and restrictions.
More than a mere temptation,
And more than you’ve been told exists….
It beckons and becomes too loud to ignore
It’s down to choice and a willingness to see
At how passionate, and full, and sweet life can really be…

Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Nari

A Discussion on Fear and an Invitation.

Life isn’t supposed to go to plan. How do we truly know what is the best for us anyway?

It feels important to admit that we don’t know. That this life baffles the mind- let’s face it we are born, we live a short childhood, a long adulthood and die (typically). Inside of that we need to make money to exist in this structure of society we live….. Fear can weigh us down. Recently, the thought crossed my mind ‘how did money become the main focus here?’. It somehow slips in when I am not looking and bunkers down deeply into my psyche like a bad house guest that won’t leave, stinking up the place. No. That’s not me, babe (Johnny Cash). I know that I KNOW there is something else and every time I get sucked into this fear based thinking I would love to be reminded- there’s more. I am going to check in with myself and ask: How do I feel right now? Just to pause and ask that question is going to help beyond the drama that may be going on.

I’ve decided to challenge myself, and feel free if you want to join me- I am going to ask myself the question, “Is this from fear or openness?” Then I can go into “How do I feel right now when I’m doing this/ being with this person/ going to work etc?” And finally, the best question of all, “What is the truth I am ready to see?”

I am going to challenge myself to live in the moment, to trust in the path, to make choices based on the above questions. If you feel ready, let’s do it together. Stay tuned…..

All my love,
Elise

Art by Oxana Poberejnaia

Awakening Will Happen Wherever You Are

Be here now, wherever life has placed you. The life lessons will find you, they always do…. Breathe and stay relaxed and aware- seeing the life lessons and ‘teachers’ that present to you, no matter the life situation you are in. There is simply no choice for the student of life and the mysteries it holds- there’s a switch that has been flicked that holds no satisfaction with switching it back off again. So dare to live openly wherever life places you. See the world through the mystic eyes, even if it means whilst watching children playing sport on the weekend, or at work, or with your family and friends, or when sitting by yourself. The path continues, it requires only your attention and everywhere becomes your school room, everyone a possible teacher.

There can be a fear of missing out that can happen in our society. Fear of missing a retreat, fear of missing a class, fear of missing a practice…. thinking that it will put ‘development back’ if missed. But with the spiritual path there will always be lessons, experiences, relationships and life situations to give you the circumstances your soul needs when it needs to experience it in this human body, and in the timing and rhythm with which it aligns to develop and how. The path that is in alignment for you will open when you are ready. And may change at any time when you are ready. The path and life you live and all aspects within it should collaborate to create opportunities and space. It should feel open. If it doesn’t then maybe there are other lessons that need to be learnt and can only be accessed via another path, or road. That’s not to say that the two won’t merge again, and often do to create a more potent mergence, or sacred union between what has been taught on one path, and merging with the forever student on the new path. There is no right or wrong. Just experiences and lessons to be had. Wherever the most fertile plane is on the path is what you will be guided to take. It is really up to us. This time brings self realisation to us in a way that it never has before.

It’s time…. It’s just time…

With love and loads of hope,
Elise

Art by Orit Martin

Boundaries and the Need to Set Them

Boundaries have never been more important than now to put into place. When putting boundaries into place, it’s important to have an awareness of how you are feeling, and consider what it is you need for yourself in that moment. If you are doing this for yourself and it is a genuine need, or if there is a closed off feeling against the other person you are setting a boundary against, meaning there could be a soul lesson underneath. Most times we are yearning to have time to Self, without having any other influence coming into us. This can be tricky. There is a way to start, though, and gain more clarity in the type of boundaries you need to set, and whether they truly need to be set at all. First of all, we need to make ourselves a priority. Really simple practices in the physical can aide us in understanding ourselves and what we truly need for ourselves.

1. Looking less at your phone. Not making it the first thing you look at of a morning, and the last thing you look at before going to bed at night. The repercussions are huge. Creating a time when you look at your emails and social media after opening up time for self means that you maintain a healthier you, a stronger you. A nurtured you. Schedule it in, you’ll thank yourself for it after a week of doing this.

2. Schedule in time to work and time to play surrounding yourself first. Open up to others when you feel connected to yourself. Reminder: To the Mothers out there: This can be done (mother of two boys here), there needs to be a bit more structure.

3. Use an analogue watch for a while to limit the distractions and if you use a phone to tell you the time, then it limits the chance of going into the vortex of social media when it wasn’t your intention to do so.

4. Being present with yourself. Is there someone who is taking up your thoughts? Sit with that and create some time to allow some meditation in relation to this. Do not feel pushed to reply straight away. Do it in your own time, with a response rather than a reaction as we can also do if triggered. There are some great mindfulness meditations, as well as inquiry meditations out there which help this. By taking your time, and discovering what lies underneath the energy and the need to create healthy boundaries so that you stop giving your power away to others.

A late massive change in my life that has created more time for me, more ability to check in with myself and how I am feeling, and less of what others are thinking, or trying to contact me, is that I started wearing an analogue watch, instead of using the phone to tell the time. I had put my phone on silent to not be interrupted, however when I checked the time it was too easy for me to enter the world of the internet, Facebook, Instagram, and responding to messenger messages.

Where is your attention wavering? What are you giving your attention to? Where do you take it from yourself? People pleasing is a shadow behind answering a message to someone who you may not want to communicate with right now, however feel the need to because they reached out to you. This has happened recently to me, and I sat and asked in meditation and reflection and the answer was given- boundaries. So, considering the universal law of what is in one is in the whole, I figured I wasn’t alone in the lesson.

Boundaries can be about making small changes to create more space and time to be with yourself and within your own energetics. Another aspect that helps to create healthy boundaries is really to communicate what you need. Then enact the boundary. That way everyone is on the same page and it is beyond the physical act itself- there is an explained reason for doing so.

Maturing and Tenderising on the Sacred Path

Maturing is a difficult thing to do on the spiritual path. It’s the meeting of the ‘real world’ relationships with your practices to connect with God/ universal energy…. It’s like sitting and marinating in your own juices. Man, is it easy to get out of that hot pot, or pressure cooker. We all have our ways to distract ourselves. But, to stay doesn’t just reveal willingness to be uncomfortable, to feel emotions, or to enter the unknown… no, maturity is the ability to feel all of those things mentioned, AND STAY for the truth underneath it all, not denying any of it. But, staying. Emotions will run, you will want to run… but staying is like remaining in the pressure cooker to become more tender than before. To become more open than before. To unravel the built up callous of the past and return to that soft, transparent, beautiful, radiant Self. The softer we are the more the light can enter us.

The softer we become in the pressure cooker, the more willingness we have to look at ourselves and the more wisdom we gain within. We know ourselves deeper. We have the courage to open, yet the wisdom to know where truth is and act upon it:- How truth feels, how truth looks, how truth becomes a knowing deeply within, how truth becomes wired deeply into your daily system. You know the ooozing energy of truth and the glimpses of it and oh, it’s the most beautifully ravishing thing witnessed in your life. AND you feel the feels of untruth, the stench of untruth, the taste of denial, the lies believed by an overactive mind… and the one that feels the worst is the heaviness and darkness of the lie you speak not just to yourself but outside of you. ouch. That one hits so hard, so hard. But, it’s human, and beautiful too. It can be transformed if you are willing to get into your own pressure cooker.

Practices with being gentle with yourself are vital with this. Being true to you first is so important. There is no forcing. When you are ready to see another layer of yourself the Universe will provide a beautiful scenario to play out. Lean into the process, surrender over the attempts to control it. A willingness to see thyself and any parts within that is needed for maturing. It’s a beautiful, humbling tenderising act, but very rewarding. In your own time. The maturing of each individual is very much left to divine timing. If we try to rush, what part of us is rushing?- ego. Trust in your divine path, know things are unravelling. You are doing fine. You are exactly where you need to be…

With so much love and reverence for your path,
Elise

Featured image by Ulysses Albert III

For Now, I am my Own Lover

Oh, where is my muse? I whispered to myself. This is the first time I have been without a yearning for a specified other. No crush. No flirtation. No relationship. ‘Yourself’ whispered back my inner self. And so, I go on a quest deeply into myself so that there is no separation. I turn into myself with my yearning to unite, to merge, to become whole. I turn into myself and unleash my desires within me: I want to see all of my flaws, all of those things I hate about myself, all of those sticky unhealed wounds that still lay dormant not ready for exposure… I want to see my beauty, my bliss, my untethered ways: Let me see them, feel them, love them. Let me set it all free with love. Let me feel a thousand yes’s and the remaining timidity. Let me hear the screams of bliss and experience the pain of loneliness. Let me experience the blasting truth- vibrating out from my body and the agony of betrayal. Let me feel the mystical vibration of the All and the imperfection of humanness. I want it ALL. I am ready to have that relationship with myself. I am ready to commit to feeling my own energy as it rises and falls, explodes and lies dormant. No more turning my energy outwards. No. For now, I am my own Lover.

The Divinity of Passion

Sovereignty and Reclaiming our Sexual Energy

Don’t hide or numb that delicious shakti from the world. Let it burn, burn, burn…. Let it rise upwards within your body. Let it fuel your blood, let it feed your essence, let it charge your awakening- your rewiring of your very DNA. Surrender to that wild, natural, boundless state until the energy rises up so high within you that it’s sweetness yet pungent taste rests delicately and deliciously on your tongue and explodes outwards around you. A powerful explosion of life force energy spreading from your toes to the tip of your head… Your birthright. Your sovereign energy.

Dare to desire the burn of radiance, of reconnecting to the sexuality that innocently thrived within you as a child- but was later shunned, snubbed, weighed down with rules and constraints, tied down with fear of misinterpretation from others. This is an ancient power that once coursed through you uninhibited. That creates life and births out in the world. That limitless fuel- ours to open to and freely use when we desire within our very being. Time to shed our skin of guilt for experiencing passion, for desire, for our coursing sexual energy. Time to be the boundless gorgeous beings we are.

It is time once again to open to this. Let us remove the blocks that lie in the way. Let us step out of our hidden, guarded territory. Let us break down those well built walls that served it’s purpose to protect, but now….. now there is no enemy here. And if you are reading this, you are in a position in the world to be a beacon of light for this change to spread all around the world. It’s safe to stick your head out now. It’s safe to breathe in that sweet air. It’s safe to feel the way your body gently opens to the energies around you and within you. You are not alone in this return to becoming unbound.
This is your energy to feel within you….
Can you feel the invitation? The rumbling from deeply within?

Sending a huge love bomb,
Elise

Art by Benedigital