The Universe keeps us physically apart…
Surrendering control over to divine timing,
Both continuing to practice alone, preparing…
Stoking the sacred fire, preparing for the inevitable
If the stars should align, and then when they align….
The energy between us flows like ribbon, it moves in a figure of eight….
Through my mind, my throat, my body… I tremble as I open… breathe
It merges with my essence, moves me- writhing on my back…
Implores moans of sheer delight from my parted lips…
Oh this connection through the realms-
Oh, how it destroys all veils placed upon us by convention…no…
This…. this is something else, and is worthy of complete surrender…
This is the arrival of the response to my sacred yearning-
The echoing and haunting symphony of my soul, whole and ready
Calling in a lover with the sacred union blueprint….
Oh but sweet energetic lover, will you stand in this sacred fire willingly?
And let truth seer all that you have known?- Burn it away to nothing more than ash?
I feel you… Come… come…. come….. Be in devotion to the sacredness that flows beyond and through and above and beneath the world that is shown to us… Will you be pulled into this vortex to allow truth to guide the way?- Letting go of all control, all conditioning around relationships?- all ways of how it ‘should be’, or ‘should look’?
Letting go of all conditioning around how life itself should be lived?
Can you look into the mystical dark abyss and see its many opportunities-
with love and acceptance, or shall you perish in the fear of it?
Would you dare to call this highest of vibrations home? – Honour it, devote yourself to the mystical truths to serve the truth and light always?
Could you call it home?- and serve the mystical flame that is birthed by us?
All of these questions I hand over to the divine, to the openness of space
And here I rest, I practice, I hold, I embrace
The steadiness of the unknown….
Written by Elise Heyward
Image by Nicebleed Art
Continue reading here for an article about ‘Deconditioning Marriage. Can it be done?’
We have a chance to really create what we want to live. What is it you want in relationship? What components shall you keep? What really aligns with your soul? What parts really make your body, heart and mind sing? What parts feel heavy, outdated or simply adopted from outside influences and leaves your body jacked up and painful? What makes you more connected to that ‘yes’ feel, and what makes you feel more disconnected? Where can you make more space for yourself and your life? Where do you focus on making money and career more than love and connection?
In relationship, how do you want to be? What was shown to you during childhood? Is that it?- Is that what you want? Or was it distorted? Filled with martyrdom and stress, duty and lacking in awareness, connection? What if I was to say there is another way…. YOUR WAY. It’s not selfish, it’s soul alignment and can actually bring two people in relationship closer together, or it could make two people realise that the alignment is no longer there- or was never there in the first place and help aid in moving along the inevitable and cease living in discontent and resentment- sometimes relationships are simply not meant to be…. Or it can help you to realise what you really do want in a relationship and help you to spot red flags you may be blind-sighted by early in relationship.
I have been going into the energetics of Juno, and it’s been ripping me apart in the best possible way. You see, I have been feeling this particular energy within me for a few years, could feel it building. And, I can say I am in alignment with it in the way I know what I do not want…. but that is only 50% of the embodiment of this part of me, and really going within the shadows hidden within me in relation to sacred marriage, vows, long term relationships and commitments…. It’s one hell of a journey! What I’ve discovered is this, there is so much gunk in the collective (everyday world and consensus) that we need to live a certain way- the nucleus family within one home, under one roof raising children. Now, many people are becoming aware of this not suiting everyone. I myself attempted to live this way and it does not feel good in my body. I need space- a lot of space. I love children, but I need space from that as well…. For me, I am creating the life that feels good within step by step. I have no idea of how it will look in another year from now, but I feel the merging of more of what I want slowly happening…. The more I feel and step, the more amazing it’s feeling in my body.
So, this Juno Goddess is really pointing out what I no longer wish to have in relation to how I live my life from my home, sacred marriage with other (should one arrive- ok lets face it, it is in my chart to be in long term sacred union with other), and how I am going to be with my children moving forward. Now, looking at the ‘way it’s always been’, the woman should take all of the Motherhood duties, domestic duties, earn less (or not at all) money, and if that doesn’t align with you then you are judged- even by self, and a term ‘Mothers Guilt’ has been created for this very thing. It’s real. Yes. It’s not easy. But it feels 10,000 times better than staying in a relationship in conditions and vows that are no longer applicable to the woman you have become now. If you need permission to explore in your own life, then consider this to be it! Psst- there is more….
Juno/Hera was wife to Jupiter/Zeus, the most powerful of the Gods. Her husband was well known to break their monogamous vows by sleeping with others (Goddesses and humans), and fathering many more offspring as a result. It is said Juno was embarrassed and often distorted in how she would plan to get back at her husband… or become so angry with the situation….. she would even take time out for herself and then return to the marriage she was unhappy in. Unfortunately, power dynamics were existing between this married couple and it was not a happy marriage. Juno represents the wife being dutiful, being loyal, abiding by the vows of marriage despite them being broken by the other in the sacred contract. She is a reminder of how we can, as women (or men) lose ourselves in relationship, and how women did and still do often subconsciously and consciously give away identity in order to be betrothed to or to remain with a partner. Taking on a last name is one physical way, but may also include things such as liking things the other person likes, and letting go of the things you like.
Taking on these lessons, what is it you would really like to have in relationship? What can you build within yourself that are non- negotiable even if you are in a long term relationship? How can you honour sacred relationship and stay soft, supple and open to receive what you really want?- and not default into something that you haven’t co-created. Juno represents maturity….. so also reflect within and notice all of the times you have been immature? Or had really high expectations of other? Or lacked communication due to a barrier to love you have put up around your heart.
I used to judge this archetype, and clearly this part of me. It wasn’t time before to enter into this goop where conditioning, shadows of huge power-plays within the patriarchy and victimhood or distorted feelings and expressions within the feminine exist in this line. But, now it is. I honour the path I have walked so far- witnessing my Great Grandmother, my Grandmother, and my Mother in how they were/ are in marriage that at times wasn’t that great, and at times was glorious. Relationships are one thing- messy. And navigating ourselves within it is truly a difficult path to walk, but a necessary one for relationships to evolve from the unequal power dynamics and strong hold that a patriarchy lead society has gained- to an open, loving, evolutionary, supportive, changing, sacred marriage that I know can exist equally between two souls as we walk this earth in these glorious bodies.
To those of us paving the way- go forth and create what you want from within- out!
It’s going to be mammoth- I can feel it in my bones!
The Parvati Myth:- The Goddess of sacred union, devotional love. Her story derives from being an incarnate of a previous wife of the God Shiva. Shiva was in grief of the death of his wife and decided to meditate in a way that kept him in a state of being unable to be reached for ions of time, rendering him unable to fulfil his duties that were needed of him. So, it was decided to send down Parvati to awaken him from his meditation. Nothing she tried worked. He was not interested. She decided to devote herself to her own spiritual practice. Although she yearned so deeply for him, she chose to no longer be in suffering for him to come back and recognise her. It is said she meditated very often, she opened and moved her body to embody her flow, she stood on one leg in a running river…. Each day of inner devotion she did, her Shakti (energy) grew. Her inner flame grew so powerful that it erupted out of her in a glorious release of energy and continued to flow. This was felt by Shiva, who tested her devotion of him, and when her reply came in complete devotion, they embraced and began their gorgeous, glorious union- both whole and powerful and also choosing to merge together on occasions…. When they make love, the earth quakes, the trees receive and great healing light explodes around them- it is boundless, connected, wise and healing love.
When I was told many years ago, “You are a Parvati woman” by an astrology reader, I didn’t know what that meant. I knew something was missing from my life. Something was being yearned for- hidden somewhere deep within my psyche. Somewhere that wasn’t quite ready to be reached….
It wasn’t until I began diving deeply into the mystical truths years later through esoteric mystery schools, that I began to understand a smidge about what he was on about all those years ago. I had found my devotion, the fact that I innately knew that love was something not being represented in media, or in movies, or modelled by those who I saw as a couple…. At least in the way that I yearned it for myself…. The best way I can explain the inner knowing was that this was God somehow, but in union between two people, or in union within Self if not in relationship. It is a verb, not a noun. It is purity. It is grace. It is the great awakener. It cannot be contained within conditions of owning, of possessing, of having… and yet somehow can be…. It is enticing, it’s a riddle for the mind that can never be solved… It is to be surrendered to, and with every fibre of your being- yearned for.
This yearning for union with something so potent that it can fry your system if you do not have a guide, or are doing practices to support this deep and devotional voyage, and/or have tools to drop below or above the ego when it rises to be able to stay with your inner alignment. A balance between the two energies within (feminine and masculine) is needed to be able to come together within Self or with other in devotional, juicy, deep sacred union. It’s a huge journey. One where you will be constantly reminded by events that happen that ‘I know nothing’. Humbleness is key, we never can determine the outcome of such a quest as this. For this sacred act is the un-manifest being born. It is a complete co-creation with the Universe, a letting go, a deepening into self being so present that there can be no return to the life you once lived. You cannot unlearn what you become…. and become you shall in this crazy journey should it be yearned for deep within your soul.
Sacred Union: What it is, Truly You can read beautifully written articles on ‘whether your partner is a twin flame, or a soul mate’, you can read articles about runners and chasers within these contracts…. you can even read articles about how to draw one to you…. This is interesting on how crazy it can be on this path…. The mind actually takes over and becomes the Master- and the truth, the letting go, the being ok with the unknown takes the place of the servant. When the mind takes over it can make someone go into delusions…. into fantasy… fall back into conditioned expectations on how a relationship or inner awakening ‘should look’, and away from the truth that this energy holds, and if the control factor is released (which takes courage to trust in blind faith), it really is a magical divine dance with the Universe.
Interestingly, there isn’t much written about how it actually never (or rarely) aligns with your ego and what you think you want. The message that rings so potently in your ears when you come across a vibration so evenly matched with your own that it shakes up all of your systems at once and sends your energy off the richter scale for months and months…. heightens your senses and intuition…. and has nothing to do with romance (although it’s a nice idea, right)? The universe provides what your soul needs to learn in this partnership of sorts that is only a partnership in so far as it is aligned with soul growth. Life lessons of patience, of focusing on Self, of trusting the path, of opening despite ego wanting to protect yourself, of constantly choosing ‘love’ and divine mystical truths as opposed to fear and conditioning around what love is and what it should look like and all of the blocks to it. This is quite a steep slope to walk. If one or both are not ready or prepared with their own practices then the union will be completely ripped apart, not allowed to come together until or if there is alignment and wholeness within both parties…. Devotion of the self and your own soul path must be embodied before you can truly be devoted to another. Or at least be in the process of embodying this.
Now, this sounds cruel- keeping two souls apart who yearn sacred union- right? Wrong. This is potent, potent universal energy. If one or both are not in their power and alignment within themselves, then it can be a crazy, chaotic and powerful force very difficult to regulate within. Often this can lead to mental illnesses as the ego battles with being kept from the lover they want… as well as other physical ailments within the body.
A word of advice (from personal experience)- trust in the timing, always. If there are constant things in the way, then stay within your own practice, as Parvati did. Stay in your own alignment. You cannot control with the other is doing, however you can devote yourself to your own truth and prepare for the meeting should it occur with the same soul who you met, or with another aligned with you. Stay the course. Trust in the path. Let go. It is a delicate balance of yearning and self practice. The yearning is USED for the practice. Transmuted in the fire of sacred truth which burns away all that does not resonate with the sacred union of the highest vibration. Being at one and whole with Self is the practice. Continue this path if you are on it.
I don’t know how to be in this level of vulnerability
I feel I am on a tightrope of love or self destruction
Potency enters me from every direction
And I laugh out loud at the yearning I had for this….
Yearning, what a word, what a verb, what a state to be in….
Shifting my consciousness, beyond all desiring….
And yet, it so deliciously includes sweet, delectable desire….
So this is a path to draw all of the lessons, the practices,
The daily disciplined devotion to truth?- Ok, I get it….
What I didn’t understand was the sheer vulnerability
The willingness to be seen without my barriers
The human, sticky pieces of me still unhealed…
Revealed….. there for you to see, witness, feel….
And the devotion to throw out all roles I’ve played with others
Surrendering what I thought was my truth and identity
Again and again, like a serpent shedding her skin…
This is powerful and transformative and very, very fast….
I’ll rest atop of the giant expansive ocean, trusting and letting go…
Held by the mystical truths that my brain can not understand
Take me with the tides, further and further out and still…
Still I am here, floating, looking at the sky, breathing deeply…..
The water surrounds me, holds me, loves me,
It beckons for suppleness, opening and vulnerability
And I, I can no longer resist this depth, this truth….
As I leave the land I once knew behind….
What if we allowed ourselves to be taken by the current
Within this vast and deepest of oceans?
What if we dared to let connection and truth rule
Despite the chance of heartache?
What if we became so brave as to dare to love
Without knowing the outcome?
There is so much more at play. The physical is only the tip of the iceberg. In this video I jump into sacred union within and why it is so important to do this now- to become more connected to your intuition and feel safe doing it. By practicing this within and applying it in your daily life your vibration will rise and you will be in more alignment with your true self. I explain how I do it in my life and the process of direct application.
I can remember holding space for a mystery school over in America a couple of years ago. There was a process where I was called to join in with the women. In the centre of the group was the group of people I was patterned to process with- slightly lower vibration, beautiful, but for me at this moment in time it was comfortable. I moved toward what I had always known and just like that, one of the women ran from behind me and took that place- like a door closing. I was in no where land. I wouldn’t turn around, but I could feel the pull to something I have never experienced. To that which scared me so much. But I had so yearned it at the same time- sacred union in process. I wouldn’t turn. The facilitator said multiple times, “There’s another process to take place here…” And still, I didn’t let myself move, forcing myself out of processing. I got in the way of the simple divine unravelling. Before long the session ended and I was left with a vital lesson that I am now applying to my life:-
When faced with a decision that excites me and scares me a little, it fills me with joy and challenges me- I will allow myself to turn and face it, surrender and let life flow through me and trust each moment to step, move or touch in whatever I am called to, in devotion of everything including my very life…. Or the other choice is to stay with my back turned to other possibilities my life has to offer and remain within the well worn tracks the spinning wheels make in my life staying with what is. For me, I feel I have travelled along the path enough to feel that going back to what has proven ‘comfortable’ to me is no longer available, the door is shut. And I know what way I am going to continue to choose to live every moment of my life from now on….
I yearn for the sweet, crisp wind blowing in my face,
The long dry grass tickling my legs,
The fresh flowers beautifying my gaze,
The scent of the flowers intoxicating my senses
I yearn for deep connected conversation
As I sprawl over pillows on the floor-
Relaxed and open and ignited by soul connection
With dear friends and truth filled words
I yearn for the fire to flare in my body
To burn and dissolve all that I thought myself to be
To entrance me in my dance and my inner gaze
My movement and simultaneous stillness
In that space where there is no separation
Between what is perceived as opposites
Oh, going into the depths of ecstasy
Of opened surrender and movement, of dance… Deliciously gyrating, and letting go, letting go, letting go…
I yearn to move with others in sacred ancient connection.
And simultaneously to be aware of my depth, witnessing and still.
For those of us who have touched such moments
Are changed forever and left parched dry
For the fluidity of another gathering, being beautifully vulnerable, supported and held in unconditional love and humbled in truth. Traversing the realms and timelessness, Embodying truth and living it in our lives.
Having a sense of belonging in this crazy world.
Connected, we rise and fall in the life we each lead…
But never, never are we ever alone.
Keeping meditation teaching real, bringing vulnerability and truth to the moment is so vital to keep in alignment to be of service whilst teaching an important life skill. Perfectionism will go by the wayside if we can just relax and be our authentic selves giving permission for others to do the same.
I have been contemplating what meditation is and isn’t, to me. I have had extensive training in the more esoteric background and have now come into the actual learning of different meditation techniques and gaining the qualification to teach meditation to others. What I realise I do when I guide and teach meditation is merge the two teachings together. The pearls of wisdom from my previous esoteric teachers, gathered in chaotic circumstances to uncover truth in every moment and to live from this place, with that inner connection and embodiment is gorgeous and amazing. The stillness that came with some, or most of the techniques in meditation helped me to sink roots deeper and allow higher vibrations to more consciously flow through me in the delicious, deep and patient meditation methods. So that I could really steep in my own essence, witness myself with passionate intimacy and open my mind and body into a suppleness I haven’t experienced before in my life. From studying these seemingly opposite modalities, I can see how they both are a part of a continuum of ONEness. It is creating a beautiful merging of two opposite worlds and is simply enhancing my absolute respect for both modalities.
The more feminine approach is of letting go of restrictions, of embodiment, movement, to allow chaos, flow, rawness, beauty, power, grace, and love be a part of your life. Truly embody it and allow its expression to be present. To experience the plethora of different feminine expressions within each one of us there is a need to be willing to journey into a space of letting go of control for a period of time whilst being guided by the facilitator (at the start). This is opposite of what many western cultures, and in fact many cultures teach- which is control, balance, restrict, silence, not make a scene, don’t express the full range of emotions- truth in the moment. This is often seen as ‘uncivilised’ and archaic, as if we have evolved from this type of behaviour…. but have we really evolved?The basis of these teachings I previously spoke about revolve around the fact that it is energetic- the feminine. It is called shakti in the yogic tradition as the energy that moves form- the masculine. But, over thousands of years traditions have opted to serve only that which could be seen- the masculine physical world. So the feelings, emotions, energy within and around was ignored.
The teachings taught in the Occult traditions kept the flame of the relationship between the feminine and masculine energy alive. Focused on Oneness, in these teachings, both the energy (feminine) and the physical (masculine) were equally worked with. It was known that if energy is suppressed it doesn’t go anywhere, it is stored in the body. Furthermore, this can cause disease and illness in the body. The feminine practices work to release stored energy which presents itself as pain, tension, or perhaps it hasn’t become represented in the physical form yet. So the energy clearing occurs by allowing the body to simply release what it needs to release, by moving the way it needs to move could prevent the physical expression of this, and act as a preventative or a stress release of pent up energy, kind of like pressing ‘re-boot’.
Ancient Egyptian Cults played a huge role in continuing the energetic thread of this ancient wisdom. It is in the balance of these two extreme energies that we can gain balance- not from stifling them, or restricting them with how we perceive ‘awakening’ should look. Relate this to today, even meditation teachers fall under the pressure and culture of how they themselves should be. Now that I am adorned with this mysterious piece of paper giving me the authority to actually teach meditation to others, I have felt the energetics of the need to behave calm all of the time, or be perceived to be calm all of the time. That isn’t me. In this environment? During a pandemic? In lockdown with my two children? I have my personal practices which help me better parent and handle emergencies when called upon, but I do slip from time to time. I am human. I am perceiving in some circles some ‘acting’ other than what is true in the moment. My devotion is to stay real in the moment.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is no perfection in meditation. It’s a practice. Sometimes you go deep, sometimes you don’t. Honouring what arises wherever you are at in practice or in life is the perfection in it. Meditation teachers, or in fact even esoteric facilitators can get caught up on how they ‘should’ be perceived. What I feel is more important is truth. Is to show the humanness, as well as the amazing essence and divinity of someone. I can chat and even be telling a story before a meditation in my own authentic voice and expression that is relatable and HUMAN (sometimes I get excited and swear a little)- my point is, the sense of belonging can be shared. When it’s time for teaching and guiding meditation that ‘HUMAN ME’ slowly drains away and the depth of the practice comes in and service of the divinity or light, within a person and within the room is surrendered to in the moment, based on the energy of the room and who is present, we flow into a meditation aligned with this. Then after the meditation when everyone who wishes to share has shared, then I’ll chat and laugh and tell stories again. It’s a sacred union of humanness, ego and personality WITH connecting to something more than that…. just sublime….
Show me a meditation teacher who has done the work on themselves and I will see his or her authenticity. Being OK in their own methods, and styles, with life experience to have the maturity to hold space and willingness to learn from whatever is presented when it is presented is a must to gain the trust of those who are willing to enter the unknown with you. Humble to know it is the teachings, not themselves the people gather for. Devoted to getting their own ego out of the way to serve with sincerity, and devotion something higher than themselves within the room and within each person gathered. Leading by example only to reveal the truth that meditation is a tool to aid in the path of life- essentially entering the unknown and getting to know and connect to oneself in this amazing and often difficult process. It doesn’t matter which method you choose- masculine or feminine or bridging the gap between them, all can if taught in an intentional way, take you deep into connection and knowing thyself.
There are times when this is not always the case, for example some inherited diseases and illnesses, however doing a regular practice of what feels good for the body the soul has taken unique to each person, will help to reduce the ailments of the body in this instance. It is not simply a matter of moving the body and allowing it to subconsciously take care of things for you in the feminine. At least that hasn’t been the case for me, with two children to stay present for. I feel that we have evolved the masculine parts of us in this culture for a reason. Yes, there are distortions and the creation of patriarchy which has its faults, but we have the opportunity to bring consciousness or clarity to our lives. So, doing meditation under the more masculine method of witnessing, stillness, quietness is a perfect companion to the uncontrollable sometimes wild expression of the feminine.
For me, in my own practice, I cannot do one without the other, it feels like something is missing. The masculine helps us to live in this world, to be present to ourselves, to hold space for ourselves when things get difficult, to be witness with love, to act on plans and get things done out in the world. We need a healthy dose of this. But, in my teachings, there’s a gorgeous sacred union of diving equally into both, a cohesion. What one lacks, the other provides…. and vice versa. Oh, it’s such a beautiful path to walk on.