Letting Go in the Steadiness of the Unknown

The Universe  keeps us physically apart…
Surrendering control over to divine timing,
Both continuing to practice alone, preparing…
Stoking the sacred fire, preparing for the inevitable
If the stars should align, and then when they align….
The energy between us flows like ribbon, it moves in a figure of eight….
Through my mind, my throat, my body… I tremble as I open… breathe
It merges with my essence, moves me- writhing on my back…
Implores moans of sheer delight from my parted lips…
Oh this connection through the realms-
Oh, how it destroys all veils placed upon us by convention…no…
This…. this is something else, and is worthy of complete surrender…
This is the arrival of the response to my sacred yearning-
The echoing and haunting symphony of my soul, whole and ready
Calling in a lover with the sacred union blueprint….
Oh but sweet energetic lover, will you stand in this sacred fire willingly?
And let truth seer all that you have known?- Burn it away to nothing more than ash?
I feel you… Come… come…. come…..
Be in devotion to the sacredness that flows beyond and through and above and beneath the world that is shown to us…
Will you be pulled into this vortex to allow truth to guide the way?-
Letting go of all control, all conditioning around relationships?- all ways of how it ‘should be’, or ‘should look’?
Letting go of all conditioning around how life itself should be lived?
Can you look into the mystical dark abyss and see its many opportunities-
with love and acceptance, or shall you perish in the fear of it?
Would you dare to call this highest of vibrations home? – Honour it, devote yourself to the mystical truths to serve the truth and light always?
Could you call it home?- and serve the mystical flame that is birthed by us?
All of these questions I hand over to the divine, to the openness of space
And here I rest, I practice, I hold, I embrace
The steadiness of the unknown….

Written by Elise Heyward
Image by Nicebleed Art

Continue reading here for an article about ‘Deconditioning Marriage. Can it be done?’

Follow on Instagram here

As I Leave the Land I Once Knew Behind (poem)

I don’t know how to be in this level of vulnerability
I feel I am on a tightrope of love or self destruction
Potency enters me from every direction
And I laugh out loud at the yearning I had for this….
Yearning, what a word, what a verb, what a state to be in….
Shifting my consciousness, beyond all desiring….
And yet, it so deliciously includes sweet, delectable desire….
So this is a path to draw all of the lessons, the practices,
The daily disciplined devotion to truth?- Ok, I get it….
What I didn’t understand was the sheer vulnerability
The willingness to be seen without my barriers
The human, sticky pieces of me still unhealed…
Revealed….. there for you to see, witness, feel….
And the devotion to throw out all roles I’ve played with others
Surrendering what I thought was my truth and identity
Again and again, like a serpent shedding her skin…
This is powerful and transformative and very, very fast….
I’ll rest atop of the giant expansive ocean, trusting and letting go…
Held by the mystical truths that my brain can not understand
Take me with the tides, further and further out and still…
Still I am here, floating, looking at the sky, breathing deeply…..
The water surrounds me, holds me, loves me,
It beckons for suppleness, opening and vulnerability
And I, I can no longer resist this depth, this truth….
As I leave the land I once knew behind….

Words by Elise Heyward
Art by Gioia Albano Soul Art. 

Where is it, My Sweet?

Where is it?
The jubilation?- The wonder?- The exploration?
Where is it?-
The fire in your heart, the light in your eyes?
Where is it?-

That part of you that dares to dream…
to imagine all that you want?

Is it squished? Is it non- existent?
Suppressed by the voice of reason in your head?
Where are you, my love?
Where have you gone?-
That spark, that life within you?
When did you leave yourself?
Come back home… come back
And gently rest in here, the deep….
Fight a little for that stirring within
That knows ‘there’s more….’
Stand up when you are on your knees
And say, ‘I am willing…’
And when your demons arise,
Meet them and learn from them.
Dare to know yourself deeply
To better feel when outdated
Ways dictate your life and lead to suffocation-
Squeezing the life out of you….
Leading to swallowing deep truths,
Self sabotage, doubt and lack of confidence…
Staying small,  and existing to live only for others…
When here you are, a vibrant spark-
Don’t let the ways of the world dull it.
Live, my sweet…. Live your life with spark and fire.

Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Cianelli Studios

 

To My Future Lover …

What if we allowed ourselves to be taken by the current
Within this vast and deepest of oceans?
What if we dared to let connection and truth rule
Despite the chance of heartache?
What if we became so brave as to dare to love
Without knowing the outcome?

Featured art by spirithealingsoul

 

Grief- I Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way….

It is thick, gluggy- without flow
All else outside of this startling moment
Is non- existent, or rather cannot make its way in-
To nestle its way within my layers in any form of intimacy.
The only thing I can be intimate with is grief
Heavy, deep, thick grief.
It cannot be controlled by the mind
Or else it shall be blocked and the energy trapped…
It cannot be tamed or slayed
Or else its head shall rise like a serpent striking
When I least want it to…
No…. no… this heaviness needs its space to be within me.
And all I have to do is surrender to the intimacy
I have at this moment with my humanness expressing itself
through grief. And although I know this too shall pass-
I mustn’t turn away from how I feel. I open and turn to it
Welcoming it into my home as it has in fact arrived….
Gluggy, thick and slow I feel every ounce of it….
It slowly releases some energy as the tears fall silently….
Heart open, supple, raw…. feeling… feeling… feeling….
Giving it space to move if and when it wants to….
Knowing that I’ve got myself through all of this…
Holding my torch, trusting the timing of it all…
No matter the loss- all is still present, here now.
Open and receiving the gifts that living a life has-
One of them being the ability to feel emotions.
It’s what souls crave, what we are here for:
To be human and experience everything that comes with it.
The journey is a wild one, but wow- what a ride….
I wouldn’t have it any other way….

Using Sacred Union to Aide with Intuition

There is so much more at play. The physical is only the tip of the iceberg. In this video I jump into sacred union within and why it is so important to do this now- to become more connected to your intuition and feel safe doing it. By practicing this within and applying it in your daily life your vibration will rise and you will be in more alignment with your true self. I explain how I do it in my life and the process of direct application.

Sending love to you,
Elise

I am Holding Space as You Rise, Sister

I’m holding space for you as you find your legs again. As you learn to walk with allowing the wisdom of millions of years course through your veins once more. I’m holding with love as I see you stumble, and fumble, and fall on your knees.

I’m witnessing your courageous rise as you dare to stand back up, and embody all of the woman your ancestors call for you to be, the woman you desire to be.… I am holding as your heart splits open, and you feel the cries and screams of atrocities in the world.. in your world… And I’m holding whilst you let them move through your body- in all of its moving and shaking wisdom to let it go…. I’m lovingly witnessing the merging of your deep wisdom, the unravelling of the delicate chords within your throat so that your beautiful voice is heard, is felt, is radiated outwards as it interrupts, disrupts and creates space for the healing and lovingly unravels of the damage of thousands of years of disempowerment, fear and disconnect from your own truth….

I am in awe holding you as you release the fears, the torture, the trauma within, and I witness you open to deep connection…. I see you flow with your own inner desires, and watch you move as your inner truth becomes visible through your dance and movement. I witness your rage, your screams… your powerful cutting of chords that have kept you in doubt and so, so small…. I watch you light a match when all of the stories are ready to be transmuted, and I watch you set fire to it all- letting the stories burn. As I see the tears fall silently, and grace fill your body and face, I see you accept yourself and everything you have been through up until this very moment…. I see you rise in your rawness, in your beauty, in your truth, your authenticity…. I hear your song low and high, sweet and powerful… connected and with so, so much love, and deep, deep experienced wisdom…. I see you in every woman who steps up to claim her rightful space here in this world. In this moment. The sacredness, the love, the connection, the compassion, the raw bloody truth of it all.… I hold space for you, my love. It is time…

All my love,
Elise

P.S. There will be a gathering of women to move and meditate starting February, 2022. Stay tuned….

Art by Anna Rose Bain

 

 

The Life That is Waiting for Us….

“You must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

 

I had planned it from the age of 4. Built my whole identity of who I was around it. I had decided the world was dangerous and I was going to fix it. I would be a Police Officer. Throughout my upbringing I acted as I thought a ‘Police Officer’ would act. Said no to things that many people in their youth said yes to. I towed the thin blue line before even joining. I was responsible, very responsible. I was dependable, and held very high standards for myself on my reputation I was building. At the age of 23 I joined the NSW Police Force, I became what I always wanted to ‘be’. I fell in love with my superior officer, and after four years of being ‘in the job’, I married him and had children taking maternity leave and working part time. My children began to open me to the fact that I had been on auto pilot, desperately wanting to keep my husband happy- but who was depressed or anxious a lot of the time, desperately clinging to my identity of the dependable protector, out to catch the ‘bad ones’, and right the wrongs…. My children saved my life. It put a spanner in the identity I had created for myself. I stopped drinking alcohol, which I did to give me the courage to be able to put down my barriers I had built to have deep and meaningful conversations, to connect deeply with others. I felt so alone…. After having my first born, I went back to work and gained a shoulder injury that needed two lots of surgery. I was finding more time. More space…. We decided to have a second child and I was NOT going to have another bad labour. I found Yoga and meditation and did it throughout my pregnancy without skipping a day of practice…… It was my first opening and felt like I was making love with the air, with myself…. It was the first time I opened enough space to feel my life force energy- and it was palpable.

Whilst meditating I dared to connect to my baby. I found when I breathed in, he would move around, thankful for the extra space, and when I would rhythmically exhale, he would rest and relax…. I had visions of the room, even the door with the number of the room I was in, ‘222’. I was so connected to my life force and feminine intuition. Little did I know this would prepare me for the best labour and birth I could have ever imagined. Ancestors surrounded me, and held my back and loved me. I wasn’t in fear, and I definitely wasn’t alone (despite my poor husband at the time doing his best but absolutely terrified). I went back to Policing and my back immediately went out. I couldn’t stand up. No one would touch me- doctors, Physio… because of the swelling. I was desperate for some relief, or healing, or something… and I came across reiki. This practitioner helped to love the pain to relax, my swelling started to go down the more I relaxed and stayed away from work…. I went back to work three weeks later but not for long. I could feel it was the end (and lets face it I didn’t want to have my body go through something else to have more time off). So I resigned on good terms, just knowing my time was up. Luckily, my husband at the time didn’t much like looking after the kids whilst I worked and so it was agreed he would sell his investment house and I would stay home with the kids and start a tea business.



I dove into the opposite energy that I had been working with- I was being lured into embodying that gorgeous life force energy in a huge way- I was heading into embodiment work which I had never heard of before. If it wasn’t for the teacher being a deep soul sister of mine, I may have ran out of the first workshop I ever went to. Sexuality, sensuality, love, flow, power, truth, dark/ light…. I sold my car to be able to afford to work with this teacher for five weeks 1 on 1. And after five years, my teacher became my mentor, and I became an embodiment facilitator. My identification I had for myself was shifting rapidly. I was letting go of the masculine Policing parts, and balancing the two in an androgynous union within myself. It was becoming a love affair. I wanted to deepen the potency of my masculine energy and so dived into an intense meditation course which took over one and a half years to immerse myself in and complete. During this there were two deaths in the family prior to COVID hitting, and then there was the start of COVID, and my marriage break down. Once again, another layer of identity gone. I decided to do nothing with my business. I didn’t know what was up or down. I was being stripped bare. All of my fears came to the surface. I abandoned myself so many times. I drank alcohol. I ate less than healthy foods. I went back to my husband. I tried desperately to fit back into societal mould. I had a plan: I would shut off the Shakti. Yep, I would shut it down. I realised I couldn’t get back into the square, no matter how much I thought I had wanted to. My soul was not in the relationship. I couldn’t be with my ex. I ended the romantic part of our relationship permanently.

‘The dark night of the soul’ took me into a dark, lonely place. I turned my back on everything, even myself. But, Ancient Egyptian mysteries whispered to me as I dreamt. It called me as I would try to sleep…. I surrendered to it and sat at my computer. What flowed through was a workshop I was to run online about the wisdom of Thoth- an ancient Egyptian God. It was only until I did this workshop that I could feel a jolt of life and magic in me again. Synchronicities started to happen in my life again. I realised that I was self inflicting my suffering and I was the only one who could get myself out of it. I reached out to a friend. The next day was what changed my life. Long story short, we connected with a group of women who we did embodiment practices with many years ago, all to connect. My ‘Anum Caras’ which means soul friends in Gaelic. We gathered, we danced, we embodied- for the love of ourselves, for the love of each other, for the love of the world that keeps breaking our hearts time and time again. All the while honouring the sensitivity we have to it all, honouring the courage it takes to feel and be open, heart soft in a world where it is not unanimously practiced. So, I opened again. I let the life force pour through me. I let it move me. I wept, I sang, I laughed… I let go into this life. I said ‘yes’…

Why now?- Because I can no longer fit into the square of keeping quiet. I know others will feel this, relate to it. Rise to the challenges of life. I went from being a disconnected Police Officer who was entirely unhappy with the life I had chosen for myself, to learning how to step toward the life that is true for my crazy wild energy and in alignment with my soul. If I can do it in the way it looks for me, then you can, too. I am grateful for the lessons that life has thrown at me which have given me so much life experience, in a way that it has developed my masculine to be in alignment with my feminine and it feels so, so good. I am pushed out of my comfort zone to share this with you as part of my knowing it’s time to step out and to serve. I hope others can see their own continual story as something to be grateful for as you walk through your life, gathering the amazing nuggets of wisdom along the way.

Embodiment workshop coming soon…. Let’s dive!



Sending love and support to you,


Elise

To work online with me click here
https://www.instagram.com/connection_meditations/

Life…. The Journey and Reflections (musing)

At the core of this journey we are all on called life, I can’t help but be amused, dragged through the mud and chewed up and spat out every time I think that I have this whole thing understood. It really is very humbling. I was talking to a friend on the phone yesterday when I came across where true courage to take on that conscious journey in life (heroines or heroes journey) lies and how it shows up. I realised that I was taking this whole ‘life thing’ so seriously that I wasn’t having fun, or enjoying the simple things like smelling flowers or slowing down to enjoy the sweet taste of a piece of fruit. No- I had become so invested in my spiritual journey that I wasn’t able to truly immerse myself in my life. I thought deeply underneath, that I had to do my spiritual work ‘separately’. But by doing that I was creating duality in my world, and losing my concentrated energy within- essentially my essence was seeping out. That manifested into my physical world with becoming more tired than usual, and feeling like I had not much time to myself. When I decided to go easy on myself, to immerse myself into whatever was presenting itself to me in life, I am finding it was creating such a rich, fertile experience for me to experience in the moment, and it became a beautiful way for me to reflect upon to get to know myself in a deeper way. I realise there is no difference between me going away on retreat, or staying home and truly being present AND participating with what is going on around me, in front of me and within me. I need not separate spirituality with the physical world, for it is in it. It is one. It is that which makes us whole. To be present in our lives is the spiritual practice for our soul. Acceptance of what is, having no resistance to how things are in the moment, and from here in the truth of how something is in the moment brings us to the depths and heights. Brings us to love. To God. To something far greater than our individual lives we lead: Truth.

Is it as simple as not wishing to be elsewhere, or wishing things to be different than what they are? Or wanting something? Is it really pointing to where we are to see the truth of our life as it stands now? To be in it. To turn up. Now, in this moment?- without worrying about the next move, or the one after that? Is it really as simple as the great Sufi Poet Rumi once wrote, “Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place?” Breaking this sentence down, for me, I experience this quote to mean something along the lines of:- Being unashamedly who I am, aligning with the integrity of that in any given moment, and having loyalty to Self first so that truth can be lived, felt, spoken and expressed.To me, this sentence encapsulates the very essence of the heroines/ heroes journey. It isn’t at all what I had previously thought it to be…..

Featured image by Kevin Moffatt

To connect with Elise’s work, join her 4 week Zoom meditation group here

 

Never Ever Alone (poem)

I yearn for the sweet, crisp wind blowing in my face,
The long dry grass tickling my legs,
The fresh flowers beautifying my gaze,
The scent of the flowers intoxicating my senses
I yearn for deep connected conversation
As I sprawl over pillows on the floor-
Relaxed and open and ignited by soul connection
With dear friends and truth filled words
I yearn for the fire to flare in my body 
To burn and dissolve all that I thought myself to be
To entrance me in my dance and my inner gaze
My movement and simultaneous stillness
In that space where there is no separation
Between what is perceived as opposites
Oh, going into the depths of ecstasy
Of opened surrender and movement, of dance…
Deliciously gyrating, and letting go, letting go, letting go…
I yearn to move with others in sacred ancient connection.
And simultaneously to be aware of my depth, witnessing and still.
For those of us who have touched such moments
Are changed forever and left parched dry
For the fluidity of another gathering,
being beautifully vulnerable, supported and
held in unconditional love and humbled in truth.
Traversing the realms and timelessness,
Embodying truth and living it in our lives.
Having a sense of belonging in this crazy world.
Connected, we rise and fall in the life we each lead…
But never, never are we ever alone.