Life isn’t supposed to go to plan. How do we truly know what is the best for us anyway?
It feels important to admit that we don’t know. That this life baffles the mind- let’s face it we are born, we live a short childhood, a long adulthood and die (typically). Inside of that we need to make money to exist in this structure of society we live….. Fear can weigh us down. Recently, the thought crossed my mind ‘how did money become the main focus here?’. It somehow slips in when I am not looking and bunkers down deeply into my psyche like a bad house guest that won’t leave, stinking up the place. No. That’s not me, babe (Johnny Cash). I know that I KNOW there is something else and every time I get sucked into this fear based thinking I would love to be reminded- there’s more. I am going to check in with myself and ask: How do I feel right now? Just to pause and ask that question is going to help beyond the drama that may be going on.
I’ve decided to challenge myself, and feel free if you want to join me- I am going to ask myself the question, “Is this from fear or openness?” Then I can go into “How do I feel right now when I’m doing this/ being with this person/ going to work etc?” And finally, the best question of all, “What is the truth I am ready to see?”
I am going to challenge myself to live in the moment, to trust in the path, to make choices based on the above questions. If you feel ready, let’s do it together. Stay tuned…..
It takes courage to look at your life with a willingness to start again. To have nothing. To surrender it all. Below is a piece for YOU. Know that you are not alone, and somehow, perhaps you can have refuge in these words, as I did watching them being typed out of my fingers. This is not a ‘how to’, or self help article. This is from one human to another. May your choices be aligned. May you feel free to live your most authentic life. May you feel connected to yourself, to others and beyond…..
Sending love and loads of hope for your journey,
No longer is it the gentle kiss as a whispered reminder of that which I cannot enter, but a deluge, a flooding, making its way through everything, dripping, drenching drowning the life I had thought up for myself containing the labels, the roles, the absolute identity…. and now…. now it is all being flooded in the rain that keeps flowing, in the tears that trickle down my face, in the swollen rivers and lakes pregnant with truth and leaking it out everywhere….. I know that I know….. Truth has a way of coming out…. Turn my face and pretend that the rivers do not spill, that the banks and their foundations are being destroyed. Pretend to be as I once was, content with the life I had created for myself, but not harbouring the whole truth until now it pulses and knocks down my door, breaks my windows and rampages through the safe house I had built, content but somewhere within deeply yearning…. I am holding onto the back door, swinging in the rampage, gripping onto the perception of who I thought I was. My fingers slipping, water pummels my head, my body, my eyes so that I cannot see… It comes strong and powerful yet with a whisper of a message, “Let go, let go, let go….”
I am already soaked through to the bone from tending my garden, Tending to my weeds and exploring my inner plants… I implore you to saturate me to my core That I may feel my pulsing energy from within So that I may be immersed in the glorious Connection and reunion with you… Again and again and again Of this I will never get tired Saturate me so that my marrow purifies And opens to the blinding radiance Splaying untruths out of me… Let me whisper only prayers from my lips Poised in the timeless moment, surrendered With the passion of an alive body, Opening, opening, opening to be saturated once more Surround me, enter me, embrace me, love me- For I am soaked through in the ever connecting light Connection…. connection…. connection….. yes Love…. deep, potent and infinite – It never left.
Love beyond everything. Love beyond what the word means to you. Love beyond all conformity and things you think are true. Love beyond your mind and body. Love beyond the gentlest summer evening kiss….Love beyond partnership and roles and responsibilities. Love beyond your Self. Love beyond…. just beyond….And you will taste the sweetest of tastes, smell the most fragrant of flowers…Be touched by the most purest of intentions, entering and connecting the heart and infusing with the rest of the body, seeping into the depths of your being…. Loving, simply loving beyond- in whatever form it presents whether energetic or in bodily incarnated form. Do not pine for this, nor lust for it. It already exists within- like diving into a cool pool on a summer day: Let it surround you, immerse you, hold you, nourish you, provide the opposite of your potent elements within. Let it seep into your very core. And when you think you cannot bare it. When there is a moments pause to come up for air…. that is when you surrender… surrender and lay atop of the vast depths of water- letting go of all that lies beneath, letting go of thoughts, letting go of past and future…Trusting the sacredness and love of being in this very moment- so present that the heart bursts open with rays of truth…. Once touched by sacred union, no conditioned love in life will do…
Today I was out walking my old dog. This dog of mine we adopted when she was 6 months old. She had been beaten, left for dead and had a deep fear of men and obvious trust issues. We could tell she had a beautiful soul, her eyes were kind despite all she had gone through. Her spine was showing out of malnutrition and I could tell she was simply happy to belong somewhere. We worked through her issues, and to tell you the truth I am still working with them today, sum 15 years later. Amazing to be walking every day with her still. She trusts people and rarely hackles. She is amazing with kids and she is great on the lead. The problem is with seeing other dogs. She usually hackles, growls and shakes, becomes anxious and aggressive at the same time. I have received training over the years to help but nothing seemed to work.
This morning, on my walk with her, we arrived at the huge yard of a big male dog who always enjoys to protect his yard. He is only doing his job at the fence line. Today I watched Jenta, my dog, tense up. I watched the hackles rise. And I breathed as I usually do, staying calm. This time, I reached out to her lovingly and patted her back. She stopped hackling and looked at me. Wanting more pats. So we walked passed the scary dog loving each other. That other dog could not get at her, could not make her afraid. She had something she considered better to put her attention on.
We again tested it on another famous fence line of Jenta’s and we did the same thing, again she chose to be with me over the fear. She trusted me enough to know there was no immediate threat and to focus on me. As I was walking, I contemplated this for a while. Hmmm… I love it when direct application of universal falls right in my lap. To choose love over fear. After watching my dog go through her process of hackling, anxiety, aggression to calm and love and even able to sit with her back to the perceived ‘threat’. Amazing!
Despite what has happened in our lives in the past. We can at any moment shift our attention to love and trust the unfolding of our path. Watching my dog walk with such confidence now is bloody rewarding.
I wish the same for you. To be able to choose hope and love where you can, and feel the benefits of this in your life when you do.