Live. Live. Live. (reflection and poetry)

I was contemplating after having my first night out with the girls dancing ‘just because’ and having fun for over fifteen years, what happened? Where did that time go? How did I wind up taking myself so god damned seriously? Oh, oh… responsibility. Kids. Marriage. Sleepless nights. Money woes…. oh, yes. I forgot…. But I did realise what inhibits me from being more present in my life now. I realised what I think about like a hamster in a wheel, constantly returning to set patterned thoughts within my mind. It revolves around still putting pressure on myself for things to look a certain way or wishing things could be different. Then I go into fix it mode. I spend more energy on trying to handle the situation so no one gets hurt. No one is put out. No one thinks little of me….What a waste of energy! When I was out, dancing to a dodgy band in a club with my old school friends from a ‘short’ time ago, I could feel my body come alive. Like CPR paddles jolting me alive with every beat the drummer played. The sweat forming, my muscles working to move me in whatever way my body felt called to be moved, and me pliable to every beat, note and chord felt. Letting the music move and writhe and sway my body which was slowly coming back to life…. The words: ‘Live, Live, LIVE’ echoed through me and reverberated like an endless thunderstorm deeply within as it pulsed through my body- the earth. Oh, to let go of control and let my body become the music…. sweet, sweet surrender…..

Here is a message for me that I got as an undercurrent when I was out. If it is for you, too then great!
‘It doesn’t have to be a quick snap- a quick change. Just step one step closer and when you know it’s time to step then do so. Do not force yourself to step based on others opinions, wait for that drum, that thunder inside to tell you. And that pressure you put on yourself on how things ‘should’ look, or how you wished things could be different….
This is it. This is your life.
So LIVE it
Whatever situation you find yourself in.
Live. Live. LIVE.
In the mud. In the heart break.
Live. Live. LIVE.
In the mourning. In the turmoil.
Live. Live. LIVE.
There is more to you.
So much more…..
Go inside. Feel that more.
Let go of control.
BE IN YOUR LIFE.
FEEL YOUR LIFE.
RADIATE YOUR LIFE.’

Wherever you are at with your soul path, it can be hard. But LIVE anyway. There is gold even in the shitty bits. Well, I’m reminding myself of that so I thought I’d remind you too.
To being real. To being authentic. To being here for ourselves in our precious life.
I’m here. Turning up. Who’s with me?

Art by Vanessa Lemon
Written by Elise Heyward

Being a Mother, PMS and Being on the Path

Today is a ‘meh’ day. You ever get the days where everything moves in slow motion, even seemingly time. Usually it goes quickly! I wanted to come here and just be raw. Be real. I noticed I want to wrap myself in a gentle blanket today. I want to be so gentle with myself that outside influences feel like penetrating knives into my world. Such is my sensitivity right now….

So in the rest of this paragraph I am going to mention stuff for women- men, proceed to paragraph 2:

It is my time to be in PMS. It’s my time to honour what in ancient times in many different tribes around the world was honoured to be the most psychic and connected time for a woman. It is marked now by tiredness, anger, impatience in this time and responsibilities in the Western world…. but, the time prior to the period and during, in the past, women were honoured and how they served themselves with gentleness and quiet time to self and reflection, also served the tribe. Their roles changed. If a mystical question needed to be asked, they would seek out a woman who was in the ‘space’ to answer.

I have decided to be gentle with myself as much as possible. To flow with my own rhythm. Despite having two vivacious boys and a loud and often busy household. But if I turn my attention to it, then I can make a difference in my every day moments. I have found time to slip away and write this! But I am open to this being interrupted and changing. I am also hoping to meditate after this is typed out, in honour of the quiet contemplation and sacred rituals of my ancient ancestors, and bringing just a little more mystery into my quietude today.

I really hope that you can create time today for yourself and what you and your body needs.
Loads of love and hope,
Elise

Featured art by Preston M Smith