De-conditioning Marriage. Can It Be Done?

We have a chance to really create what we want to live. What is it you want in relationship? What components shall you keep? What really aligns with your soul? What parts really make your body, heart and mind sing? What parts feel heavy, outdated or simply adopted from outside influences and leaves your body jacked up and painful? What makes you more connected to that ‘yes’ feel, and what makes you feel more disconnected? Where can you make more space for yourself and your life? Where do you focus on making money and career more than love and connection?

In relationship, how do you want to be? What was shown to you during childhood? Is that it?- Is that what you want? Or was it distorted? Filled with martyrdom and stress, duty and lacking in awareness, connection? What if I was to say there is another way…. YOUR WAY. It’s not selfish, it’s soul alignment and can actually bring two people in relationship closer together, or it could make two people realise that the alignment is no longer there- or was never there in the first place and help aid in moving along the inevitable and cease living in discontent and resentment- sometimes relationships are simply not meant to be…. Or it can help you to realise what you really do want in a relationship and help you to spot red flags you may be blind-sighted by early in relationship.

I have been going into the energetics of Juno, and it’s been ripping me apart in the best possible way. You see, I have been feeling this particular energy within me for a few years, could feel it building. And, I can say I am in alignment with it in the way I know what I do not want…. but that is only 50% of the embodiment of this part of me, and really going within the shadows hidden within me in relation to sacred marriage, vows, long term relationships and commitments…. It’s one hell of a journey! What I’ve discovered is this, there is so much gunk in the collective (everyday world and consensus) that we need to live a certain way- the nucleus family within one home, under one roof raising children. Now, many people are becoming aware of this not suiting everyone. I myself attempted to live this way and it does not feel good in my body. I need space- a lot of space. I love children, but I need space from that as well…. For me, I am creating the life that feels good within step by step. I have no idea of how it will look in another year from now, but I feel the merging of more of what I want slowly happening…. The more I feel and step, the more amazing it’s feeling in my body.

So, this Juno Goddess is really pointing out what I no longer wish to have in relation to how I live my life from my home, sacred marriage with other (should one arrive- ok lets face it, it is in my chart to be in long term sacred union with other), and how I am going to be with my children moving forward. Now, looking at the ‘way it’s always been’, the woman should take all of the Motherhood duties, domestic duties, earn less (or not at all) money, and if that doesn’t align with you then you are judged- even by self, and a term ‘Mothers Guilt’ has been created for this very thing. It’s real. Yes. It’s not easy. But it feels 10,000 times better than staying in a relationship in conditions and vows that are no longer applicable to the woman you have become now. If you need permission to explore in your own life, then consider this to be it! Psst- there is more….

Juno/Hera was wife to Jupiter/Zeus, the most powerful of the Gods. Her husband was well known to break their monogamous vows by sleeping with others (Goddesses and humans), and fathering many more offspring as a result. It is said Juno was embarrassed and often distorted in how she would plan to get back at her husband… or become so angry with the situation….. she would even take time out for herself and then return to the marriage she was unhappy in. Unfortunately, power dynamics were existing between this married couple and it was not a happy marriage. Juno represents the wife being dutiful, being loyal, abiding by the vows of marriage despite them being broken by the other in the sacred contract. She is a reminder of how we can, as women (or men) lose ourselves in relationship, and how women did and still do often subconsciously and consciously give away identity in order to be betrothed to or to remain with a partner. Taking on a last name is one physical way, but may also include things such as liking things the other person likes, and letting go of the things you like.

Taking on these lessons, what is it you would really like to have in relationship? What can you build within yourself that are non- negotiable even if you are in a long term relationship? How can you honour sacred relationship and stay soft, supple and open to receive what you really want?- and not default into something that you haven’t co-created. Juno represents maturity….. so also reflect within and notice all of the times you have been immature? Or had really high expectations of other? Or lacked communication due to a barrier to love you have put up around your heart.

I used to judge this archetype, and clearly this part of me. It wasn’t time before to enter into this goop where conditioning, shadows of huge power-plays within the patriarchy and victimhood or distorted feelings and expressions within the feminine exist in this line. But, now it is. I honour the path I have walked so far- witnessing my Great Grandmother, my Grandmother, and my Mother in how they were/ are in marriage that at times wasn’t that great, and at times was glorious. Relationships are one thing- messy. And navigating ourselves within it is truly a difficult path to walk, but a necessary one for relationships to evolve from the unequal power dynamics and strong hold that a patriarchy lead society has gained- to an open, loving, evolutionary, supportive, changing, sacred marriage that I know can exist equally between two souls as we walk this earth in these glorious bodies.

To those of us paving the way- go forth and create what you want from within- out!

It’s going to be mammoth- I can feel it in my bones!

All my love,
Elise

Art ‘Juno’ by Felix Freudzon

As the ceiling crumbles

The ceiling I had just wasn’t a good fit.
I tried to patch it when it got heavy-
When it leaked,
When it sagged,
When it got stained…
And now it has been completely destroyed.
Taken down, pulled apart. In hasty renovations.
I wasn’t ready, or so I thought. Mess everywhere…
The work man apologised. Said it’s best that I not see the destruction phases
But where was I to go? I was watching the perfection of it all-
Unfolding before my very eyes as the ceiling crumbles….
He told me it will be like new, clean and undamaged
when all is set right…
I looked at the mess on the floor,
The mess on the exposed skeleton of the ceiling
And I saw my life. The one I tried to patch.
The one with stains, marks, and things that are no longer a fit.
I realised that I keep the ceiling there as it is.
Patching and trying to mask the stains that inevitably bleed through
For all to see.
I feel like the exposed ceiling beams, naked and revealing….
I am witnessing it all as I sit outside watching the destruction
happening within my home.
As the ceiling crumbles…

Featured art by Zsuzsanna Tasi
Written by Elise Heyward

The Depths of Women and Self Perception Around Money

“The difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.”

Maya Angelou

Recently, I’ve gone deeply into the meaning of detachment and what it means to be fully embodied whilst practicing this ancient teaching. Something stood out like a zit on a smooth face…. I, like all of us, have adopted thoughts and beliefs from the collective, from friends, from partners and from my family. Some of these are bloody amazing! Some of them are so limiting. Some beliefs are rooted in both the masculine and feminine. Today I am focusing on the feminine aspect- and how it touches the lives of women. I have done loads of shadow work around sexuality, around deeply embedded wounds in the feminine and being a woman that is generational. Around healing capacities and how others might perceive me if I allow myself to be of service in this world. There is an extension to this is women in the financial world- not participating, or educating ourselves. Or limiting what we do earn, placing restrictions based on self worth, or belief. Staying ignorant to anything does not create change- so if you are a woman who hates ‘the system’, wouldn’t it be best to know how it works so that your money could be used to help create change, instead of being ignorant which opens the door to becoming a victim? It’s time to step up.



As part of my shadow work with this for myself, I joined a live stream for an investment option which I was intrigued about. A man on a livestream of his financial institution I was on to educate myself once rather arrogantly declared a response to me after I typed a response to a question he asked in the chat, ‘education is power.’ He explained how wrong this is. I could feel a little trigger, so I knew this to have truth for me in it, he said, “Education isn’t power, action is”. If it wasn’t for this words, delivered on a large live by the loud and ambitious man in the finance business, I wouldn’t have ventured into this at all. What a gift. My ‘action’ was diving into this huge shadow and outdated belief structures I was living under. It wasn’t buying into his financial investment option! Set on course for this, one question I asked myself as I curiously dove into the wonderful world of women and finance, I asked myself the question, “What is stopping the ‘action’ part for me then?” I had to detach myself from the outdated belief structures and feel myself and my own energy. From here it took me further into myself and this shadow work, I began to learn, listen to podcasts, take courses, read books, listen to audiobooks. I was fascinated with this question.

I dove into these little facts:-
* Thousands of years of men creating money and women in the support role
* Women were seen as ‘property’ and the origin of marriage set up to aid this
* Women not given the vote
* Mainstream living opposing much of the strengths of women



Now, I’m not beating up on men, because in this fast paced world, the pressure has been on men to stay in this role. And that pressure is showing. I’m simply exposing the root of the cause we see today, and unless something drastically changes it will continue. One thing we haven’t looked at is the impact that generation after generation after generation of not needing to earn or create money, and what that has to do with the way so many women are now. Sometimes not even being allowed to make money. Of outdated but often carried beliefs such as ‘I won’t find a man who wants me if I make money’, or ‘don’t be greedy’ or the guilt of not being with children because you may have the outdated belief deep down that says mothers should stay home with their children, how about this one- ‘women should sacrifice their life for their family’. OOMPH! Outdated beliefs are HIDDEN, so you could be reading this and thinking that isn’t related to me- I implore you to go deeper, to listen to thoughts and write them down- find the cause of them and accept them, see them. Actively work to change them- moving the body, creating a meditation specific for this, AND getting support. Having outdated beliefs leads to uncertainty, a lack of self esteem and a continued catastrophic issue of women not having freedom of choice in this world. It’s all there, in our lines. I just had to shine a light on it. It was hurting not to share.

I am so passionate about this, I can feel an embodiment class around this soon. It takes more than thought and mantras to move deeply embedded beliefs from our body and mind. Let’s overcome how we think about ourselves. Stay tuned…..
With love,

Elise

Woundings- Core Work and Opening to the Divine

Today I listened to the Great Marianne Williamson about forgiveness and releasing. She made some valid points – namely that we can choose to let the woundings, the lack of forgiveness, the judgements, the ‘fill in the blanks with your baggage’ and step into 2021 free of these, or at least consciously looking at them and being willing in any moment that life presents an opportunity to you- to change a behaviour or pattern that you ordinarily react with. Even a slight change can make a world of difference. She asked for all of us to collaborate in love. To be a collective of loving individuals prepared to change within for changes to occur outside of us. I love that. So here’s the thing that gets me. The hardest thing to do this in is relationships. I see this in sister wounds and group wounds. I see this in intimate relationships. I see this in relationship with Self. The more there is heaviness, or awkwardness provides the best manure for growth. This is the place to step into our woundings- whatever they are, and humbly see what’s there with compassion for self. We all f*#*k up from time to time.

It’s time we forgave ourselves and others. Open up to the mysteries, the magic, and the miracles that exist beyond our attachments to our heavy woundings.

It’s almost an identity we can have- “This happened to me when I was…. He did this….. My Mum did that….” The people involved, the situation, or whatever is there that is being held onto has power over you. The more unwilling to forgive is a reflection of YOUR inner world and not the person that did something to you or the circumstance that happened. Let’s go a little deeper:-

Victim: First recorded in 1490-1500 from the Latin word victima sacrificial animal (Dictionary .com).

When we look at this we are not animals- nor helpless, nor are we being sacrificed. We may be at the time of atrocities, of unfairness. But, we clearly are still alive- have not died. The alteration of the meaning of this word has taken away power. Forgiveness is the soul cleansing act that reclaims it. To get to forgiveness is to trudge through the woundings, or that which separates you from your essence and connection with others. This is an arduous task, but one that sings hauntingly to those who are called to the path of the soul and the lessons born to experience in this life. We are meant to make mistakes- that’s how we learn. Sometimes, people get hurt. We get hurt. We have a choice. To stay here- or to see it, honour it, LEARN from it- then let it go. In doing so we can then reach  place of forgiveness. It doesn’t grow on trees. It’s not a pill we can pop and then ALL will be forgiven. It’s life’s challenge to rise above, learn and grow. And this takes courage.


Hero/ Heroine: A person noted for courageous acts, or a person considered as a role model for certain traits.

When these are applied to the inner journey of truth, otherwise known as the Hero/ Heroines Journey (of which we are all here for in differing ways) is of true empowerment that ultimately leads us to have faith and let go and trusting one meets challenges and gathers the tools/ knowledge/ understanding needed to face them. When we look at ancient mystical teachings, opposites exist and must. Where there is light, there is dark; where there is feminine there is masculine; where there is cool there is heat etc. When there is a problem- there is also presented a solution. It is up to us to be the clear vessel to enable the solution to be embodied and lived. It is not just about logic. This is a soul deep immersion that spreads throughout the body. The mind can get the hell out of the way and in fact can be used in a manner to aid in the embodiment, complete immersion on the path. It must. Before the sword of truth goes outward, it first must be turned onto self so that we can see our woundings, or fears that may express unhealthily outward toward others. The ‘sword’ I speak of can be thoughts. When a negative thought comes up about another, turn it around. Look at it. With compassion know that this comes from somewhere within you and find that place. Sit with it. This is an investigation, thank that thought as this is a way to understand and release a wound or fear within you that otherwise would not be touched and essentially left to fester and ooze its way out and into our life. We have doctors and nurses who investigate our external physical wounds, letting us know if there needs to be more treatment, more investigation…. but our inner wounds are our responsibility. We have the answer within that comes when the wound arises. That we can trust in, when we do the work of looking at the truth within, we can open to the solutions. We just have to be prepared to see what’s happening and let go into the process of life to go on the journey to release them when they present.

So, our openness, our freedom, our life force is up to us. The more we hold onto woundings or judgements or other negative aspects of our mind, the more we move away from our power. When we have the courage and compassion to step into the challenges presented to us in our lives, the more we create space to let go, to unravel the pain and anger the wounds etc have on us, and forgive- not so much for the other person, but for ourselves and our growth whilst in this body.

Sending so much love and empowerment to you as you step into 2021. Know that you aren’t alone- we are all here to help walk each other home.
Elise

Featured Image by Shelley Klammer

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The Divinity of Passion

Sovereignty and Reclaiming our Sexual Energy

Don’t hide or numb that delicious shakti from the world. Let it burn, burn, burn…. Let it rise upwards within your body. Let it fuel your blood, let it feed your essence, let it charge your awakening- your rewiring of your very DNA. Surrender to that wild, natural, boundless state until the energy rises up so high within you that it’s sweetness yet pungent taste rests delicately and deliciously on your tongue and explodes outwards around you. A powerful explosion of life force energy spreading from your toes to the tip of your head… Your birthright. Your sovereign energy.

Dare to desire the burn of radiance, of reconnecting to the sexuality that innocently thrived within you as a child- but was later shunned, snubbed, weighed down with rules and constraints, tied down with fear of misinterpretation from others. This is an ancient power that once coursed through you uninhibited. That creates life and births out in the world. That limitless fuel- ours to open to and freely use when we desire within our very being. Time to shed our skin of guilt for experiencing passion, for desire, for our coursing sexual energy. Time to be the boundless gorgeous beings we are.

It is time once again to open to this. Let us remove the blocks that lie in the way. Let us step out of our hidden, guarded territory. Let us break down those well built walls that served it’s purpose to protect, but now….. now there is no enemy here. And if you are reading this, you are in a position in the world to be a beacon of light for this change to spread all around the world. It’s safe to stick your head out now. It’s safe to breathe in that sweet air. It’s safe to feel the way your body gently opens to the energies around you and within you. You are not alone in this return to becoming unbound.
This is your energy to feel within you….
Can you feel the invitation? The rumbling from deeply within?

Sending a huge love bomb,
Elise

Art by Benedigital