The Universe keeps us physically apart…
Surrendering control over to divine timing,
Both continuing to practice alone, preparing…
Stoking the sacred fire, preparing for the inevitable
If the stars should align, and then when they align….
The energy between us flows like ribbon, it moves in a figure of eight….
Through my mind, my throat, my body… I tremble as I open… breathe
It merges with my essence, moves me- writhing on my back…
Implores moans of sheer delight from my parted lips…
Oh this connection through the realms-
Oh, how it destroys all veils placed upon us by convention…no…
This…. this is something else, and is worthy of complete surrender…
This is the arrival of the response to my sacred yearning-
The echoing and haunting symphony of my soul, whole and ready
Calling in a lover with the sacred union blueprint….
Oh but sweet energetic lover, will you stand in this sacred fire willingly?
And let truth seer all that you have known?- Burn it away to nothing more than ash?
I feel you… Come… come…. come….. Be in devotion to the sacredness that flows beyond and through and above and beneath the world that is shown to us… Will you be pulled into this vortex to allow truth to guide the way?- Letting go of all control, all conditioning around relationships?- all ways of how it ‘should be’, or ‘should look’?
Letting go of all conditioning around how life itself should be lived?
Can you look into the mystical dark abyss and see its many opportunities-
with love and acceptance, or shall you perish in the fear of it?
Would you dare to call this highest of vibrations home? – Honour it, devote yourself to the mystical truths to serve the truth and light always?
Could you call it home?- and serve the mystical flame that is birthed by us?
All of these questions I hand over to the divine, to the openness of space
And here I rest, I practice, I hold, I embrace
The steadiness of the unknown….
Written by Elise Heyward
Image by Nicebleed Art
Continue reading here for an article about ‘Deconditioning Marriage. Can it be done?’
The Parvati Myth:- The Goddess of sacred union, devotional love. Her story derives from being an incarnate of a previous wife of the God Shiva. Shiva was in grief of the death of his wife and decided to meditate in a way that kept him in a state of being unable to be reached for ions of time, rendering him unable to fulfil his duties that were needed of him. So, it was decided to send down Parvati to awaken him from his meditation. Nothing she tried worked. He was not interested. She decided to devote herself to her own spiritual practice. Although she yearned so deeply for him, she chose to no longer be in suffering for him to come back and recognise her. It is said she meditated very often, she opened and moved her body to embody her flow, she stood on one leg in a running river…. Each day of inner devotion she did, her Shakti (energy) grew. Her inner flame grew so powerful that it erupted out of her in a glorious release of energy and continued to flow. This was felt by Shiva, who tested her devotion of him, and when her reply came in complete devotion, they embraced and began their gorgeous, glorious union- both whole and powerful and also choosing to merge together on occasions…. When they make love, the earth quakes, the trees receive and great healing light explodes around them- it is boundless, connected, wise and healing love.
When I was told many years ago, “You are a Parvati woman” by an astrology reader, I didn’t know what that meant. I knew something was missing from my life. Something was being yearned for- hidden somewhere deep within my psyche. Somewhere that wasn’t quite ready to be reached….
It wasn’t until I began diving deeply into the mystical truths years later through esoteric mystery schools, that I began to understand a smidge about what he was on about all those years ago. I had found my devotion, the fact that I innately knew that love was something not being represented in media, or in movies, or modelled by those who I saw as a couple…. At least in the way that I yearned it for myself…. The best way I can explain the inner knowing was that this was God somehow, but in union between two people, or in union within Self if not in relationship. It is a verb, not a noun. It is purity. It is grace. It is the great awakener. It cannot be contained within conditions of owning, of possessing, of having… and yet somehow can be…. It is enticing, it’s a riddle for the mind that can never be solved… It is to be surrendered to, and with every fibre of your being- yearned for.
This yearning for union with something so potent that it can fry your system if you do not have a guide, or are doing practices to support this deep and devotional voyage, and/or have tools to drop below or above the ego when it rises to be able to stay with your inner alignment. A balance between the two energies within (feminine and masculine) is needed to be able to come together within Self or with other in devotional, juicy, deep sacred union. It’s a huge journey. One where you will be constantly reminded by events that happen that ‘I know nothing’. Humbleness is key, we never can determine the outcome of such a quest as this. For this sacred act is the un-manifest being born. It is a complete co-creation with the Universe, a letting go, a deepening into self being so present that there can be no return to the life you once lived. You cannot unlearn what you become…. and become you shall in this crazy journey should it be yearned for deep within your soul.
Sacred Union: What it is, Truly You can read beautifully written articles on ‘whether your partner is a twin flame, or a soul mate’, you can read articles about runners and chasers within these contracts…. you can even read articles about how to draw one to you…. This is interesting on how crazy it can be on this path…. The mind actually takes over and becomes the Master- and the truth, the letting go, the being ok with the unknown takes the place of the servant. When the mind takes over it can make someone go into delusions…. into fantasy… fall back into conditioned expectations on how a relationship or inner awakening ‘should look’, and away from the truth that this energy holds, and if the control factor is released (which takes courage to trust in blind faith), it really is a magical divine dance with the Universe.
Interestingly, there isn’t much written about how it actually never (or rarely) aligns with your ego and what you think you want. The message that rings so potently in your ears when you come across a vibration so evenly matched with your own that it shakes up all of your systems at once and sends your energy off the richter scale for months and months…. heightens your senses and intuition…. and has nothing to do with romance (although it’s a nice idea, right)? The universe provides what your soul needs to learn in this partnership of sorts that is only a partnership in so far as it is aligned with soul growth. Life lessons of patience, of focusing on Self, of trusting the path, of opening despite ego wanting to protect yourself, of constantly choosing ‘love’ and divine mystical truths as opposed to fear and conditioning around what love is and what it should look like and all of the blocks to it. This is quite a steep slope to walk. If one or both are not ready or prepared with their own practices then the union will be completely ripped apart, not allowed to come together until or if there is alignment and wholeness within both parties…. Devotion of the self and your own soul path must be embodied before you can truly be devoted to another. Or at least be in the process of embodying this.
Now, this sounds cruel- keeping two souls apart who yearn sacred union- right? Wrong. This is potent, potent universal energy. If one or both are not in their power and alignment within themselves, then it can be a crazy, chaotic and powerful force very difficult to regulate within. Often this can lead to mental illnesses as the ego battles with being kept from the lover they want… as well as other physical ailments within the body.
A word of advice (from personal experience)- trust in the timing, always. If there are constant things in the way, then stay within your own practice, as Parvati did. Stay in your own alignment. You cannot control with the other is doing, however you can devote yourself to your own truth and prepare for the meeting should it occur with the same soul who you met, or with another aligned with you. Stay the course. Trust in the path. Let go. It is a delicate balance of yearning and self practice. The yearning is USED for the practice. Transmuted in the fire of sacred truth which burns away all that does not resonate with the sacred union of the highest vibration. Being at one and whole with Self is the practice. Continue this path if you are on it.
There is so much more at play. The physical is only the tip of the iceberg. In this video I jump into sacred union within and why it is so important to do this now- to become more connected to your intuition and feel safe doing it. By practicing this within and applying it in your daily life your vibration will rise and you will be in more alignment with your true self. I explain how I do it in my life and the process of direct application.
I’m holding space for you as you find your legs again. As you learn to walk with allowing the wisdom of millions of years course through your veins once more. I’m holding with love as I see you stumble, and fumble, and fall on your knees.
I’m witnessing your courageous rise as you dare to stand back up, and embody all of the woman your ancestors call for you to be, the woman you desire to be.… I am holding as your heart splits open, and you feel the cries and screams of atrocities in the world.. in your world… And I’m holding whilst you let them move through your body- in all of its moving and shaking wisdom to let it go…. I’m lovingly witnessing the merging of your deep wisdom, the unravelling of the delicate chords within your throat so that your beautiful voice is heard, is felt, is radiated outwards as it interrupts, disrupts and creates space for the healing and lovingly unravels of the damage of thousands of years of disempowerment, fear and disconnect from your own truth….
I am in awe holding you as you release the fears, the torture, the trauma within, and I witness you open to deep connection…. I see you flow with your own inner desires, and watch you move as your inner truth becomes visible through your dance and movement. I witness your rage, your screams… your powerful cutting of chords that have kept you in doubt and so, so small…. I watch you light a match when all of the stories are ready to be transmuted, and I watch you set fire to it all- letting the stories burn. As I see the tears fall silently, and grace fill your body and face, I see you accept yourself and everything you have been through up until this very moment…. I see you rise in your rawness, in your beauty, in your truth, your authenticity…. I hear your song low and high, sweet and powerful… connected and with so, so much love, and deep, deep experienced wisdom…. I see you in every woman who steps up to claim her rightful space here in this world. In this moment. The sacredness, the love, the connection, the compassion, the raw bloody truth of it all.… I hold space for you, my love. It is time…
All my love,
P.S. There will be a gathering of women to move and meditate starting February, 2022. Stay tuned….
“You must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
I had planned it from the age of 4. Built my whole identity of who I was around it. I had decided the world was dangerous and I was going to fix it. I would be a Police Officer. Throughout my upbringing I acted as I thought a ‘Police Officer’ would act. Said no to things that many people in their youth said yes to. I towed the thin blue line before even joining. I was responsible, very responsible. I was dependable, and held very high standards for myself on my reputation I was building. At the age of 23 I joined the NSW Police Force, I became what I always wanted to ‘be’. I fell in love with my superior officer, and after four years of being ‘in the job’, I married him and had children taking maternity leave and working part time. My children began to open me to the fact that I had been on auto pilot, desperately wanting to keep my husband happy- but who was depressed or anxious a lot of the time, desperately clinging to my identity of the dependable protector, out to catch the ‘bad ones’, and right the wrongs…. My children saved my life. It put a spanner in the identity I had created for myself. I stopped drinking alcohol, which I did to give me the courage to be able to put down my barriers I had built to have deep and meaningful conversations, to connect deeply with others. I felt so alone…. After having my first born, I went back to work and gained a shoulder injury that needed two lots of surgery. I was finding more time. More space…. We decided to have a second child and I was NOT going to have another bad labour. I found Yoga and meditation and did it throughout my pregnancy without skipping a day of practice…… It was my first opening and felt like I was making love with the air, with myself…. It was the first time I opened enough space to feel my life force energy- and it was palpable.
Whilst meditating I dared to connect to my baby. I found when I breathed in, he would move around, thankful for the extra space, and when I would rhythmically exhale, he would rest and relax…. I had visions of the room, even the door with the number of the room I was in, ‘222’. I was so connected to my life force and feminine intuition. Little did I know this would prepare me for the best labour and birth I could have ever imagined. Ancestors surrounded me, and held my back and loved me. I wasn’t in fear, and I definitely wasn’t alone (despite my poor husband at the time doing his best but absolutely terrified). I went back to Policing and my back immediately went out. I couldn’t stand up. No one would touch me- doctors, Physio… because of the swelling. I was desperate for some relief, or healing, or something… and I came across reiki. This practitioner helped to love the pain to relax, my swelling started to go down the more I relaxed and stayed away from work…. I went back to work three weeks later but not for long. I could feel it was the end (and lets face it I didn’t want to have my body go through something else to have more time off). So I resigned on good terms, just knowing my time was up. Luckily, my husband at the time didn’t much like looking after the kids whilst I worked and so it was agreed he would sell his investment house and I would stay home with the kids and start a tea business.
I dove into the opposite energy that I had been working with- I was being lured into embodying that gorgeous life force energy in a huge way- I was heading into embodiment work which I had never heard of before. If it wasn’t for the teacher being a deep soul sister of mine, I may have ran out of the first workshop I ever went to. Sexuality, sensuality, love, flow, power, truth, dark/ light…. I sold my car to be able to afford to work with this teacher for five weeks 1 on 1. And after five years, my teacher became my mentor, and I became an embodiment facilitator. My identification I had for myself was shifting rapidly. I was letting go of the masculine Policing parts, and balancing the two in an androgynous union within myself. It was becoming a love affair. I wanted to deepen the potency of my masculine energy and so dived into an intense meditation course which took over one and a half years to immerse myself in and complete. During this there were two deaths in the family prior to COVID hitting, and then there was the start of COVID, and my marriage break down. Once again, another layer of identity gone. I decided to do nothing with my business. I didn’t know what was up or down. I was being stripped bare. All of my fears came to the surface. I abandoned myself so many times. I drank alcohol. I ate less than healthy foods. I went back to my husband. I tried desperately to fit back into societal mould. I had a plan: I would shut off the Shakti. Yep, I would shut it down. I realised I couldn’t get back into the square, no matter how much I thought I had wanted to. My soul was not in the relationship. I couldn’t be with my ex. I ended the romantic part of our relationship permanently.
‘The dark night of the soul’ took me into a dark, lonely place. I turned my back on everything, even myself. But, Ancient Egyptian mysteries whispered to me as I dreamt. It called me as I would try to sleep…. I surrendered to it and sat at my computer. What flowed through was a workshop I was to run online about the wisdom of Thoth- an ancient Egyptian God. It was only until I did this workshop that I could feel a jolt of life and magic in me again. Synchronicities started to happen in my life again. I realised that I was self inflicting my suffering and I was the only one who could get myself out of it. I reached out to a friend. The next day was what changed my life. Long story short, we connected with a group of women who we did embodiment practices with many years ago, all to connect. My ‘Anum Caras’ which means soul friends in Gaelic. We gathered, we danced, we embodied- for the love of ourselves, for the love of each other, for the love of the world that keeps breaking our hearts time and time again. All the while honouring the sensitivity we have to it all, honouring the courage it takes to feel and be open, heart soft in a world where it is not unanimously practiced. So, I opened again. I let the life force pour through me. I let it move me. I wept, I sang, I laughed… I let go into this life. I said ‘yes’…
Why now?- Because I can no longer fit into the square of keeping quiet. I know others will feel this, relate to it. Rise to the challenges of life. I went from being a disconnected Police Officer who was entirely unhappy with the life I had chosen for myself, to learning how to step toward the life that is true for my crazy wild energy and in alignment with my soul. If I can do it in the way it looks for me, then you can, too. I am grateful for the lessons that life has thrown at me which have given me so much life experience, in a way that it has developed my masculine to be in alignment with my feminine and it feels so, so good. I am pushed out of my comfort zone to share this with you as part of my knowing it’s time to step out and to serve. I hope others can see their own continual story as something to be grateful for as you walk through your life, gathering the amazing nuggets of wisdom along the way.
I have been contemplating these wise words, it’s taken me through so many layers that I had to just share what I was reflecting upon in my own life. If you are a woman and love to reflect on your life and dive deeper into why you choose what you choose then give this a watch. I had so much fun with this video. Also, I couldn’t help but share some empowerment for you and encouragement. Turning up for your life, living in a connected way is just so rewarding. I have no more words to describe this but the energy explains it in this video!!
Keeping meditation teaching real, bringing vulnerability and truth to the moment is so vital to keep in alignment to be of service whilst teaching an important life skill. Perfectionism will go by the wayside if we can just relax and be our authentic selves giving permission for others to do the same.
I have been contemplating what meditation is and isn’t, to me. I have had extensive training in the more esoteric background and have now come into the actual learning of different meditation techniques and gaining the qualification to teach meditation to others. What I realise I do when I guide and teach meditation is merge the two teachings together. The pearls of wisdom from my previous esoteric teachers, gathered in chaotic circumstances to uncover truth in every moment and to live from this place, with that inner connection and embodiment is gorgeous and amazing. The stillness that came with some, or most of the techniques in meditation helped me to sink roots deeper and allow higher vibrations to more consciously flow through me in the delicious, deep and patient meditation methods. So that I could really steep in my own essence, witness myself with passionate intimacy and open my mind and body into a suppleness I haven’t experienced before in my life. From studying these seemingly opposite modalities, I can see how they both are a part of a continuum of ONEness. It is creating a beautiful merging of two opposite worlds and is simply enhancing my absolute respect for both modalities.
The more feminine approach is of letting go of restrictions, of embodiment, movement, to allow chaos, flow, rawness, beauty, power, grace, and love be a part of your life. Truly embody it and allow its expression to be present. To experience the plethora of different feminine expressions within each one of us there is a need to be willing to journey into a space of letting go of control for a period of time whilst being guided by the facilitator (at the start). This is opposite of what many western cultures, and in fact many cultures teach- which is control, balance, restrict, silence, not make a scene, don’t express the full range of emotions- truth in the moment. This is often seen as ‘uncivilised’ and archaic, as if we have evolved from this type of behaviour…. but have we really evolved?The basis of these teachings I previously spoke about revolve around the fact that it is energetic- the feminine. It is called shakti in the yogic tradition as the energy that moves form- the masculine. But, over thousands of years traditions have opted to serve only that which could be seen- the masculine physical world. So the feelings, emotions, energy within and around was ignored.
The teachings taught in the Occult traditions kept the flame of the relationship between the feminine and masculine energy alive. Focused on Oneness, in these teachings, both the energy (feminine) and the physical (masculine) were equally worked with. It was known that if energy is suppressed it doesn’t go anywhere, it is stored in the body. Furthermore, this can cause disease and illness in the body. The feminine practices work to release stored energy which presents itself as pain, tension, or perhaps it hasn’t become represented in the physical form yet. So the energy clearing occurs by allowing the body to simply release what it needs to release, by moving the way it needs to move could prevent the physical expression of this, and act as a preventative or a stress release of pent up energy, kind of like pressing ‘re-boot’.
Ancient Egyptian Cults played a huge role in continuing the energetic thread of this ancient wisdom. It is in the balance of these two extreme energies that we can gain balance- not from stifling them, or restricting them with how we perceive ‘awakening’ should look. Relate this to today, even meditation teachers fall under the pressure and culture of how they themselves should be. Now that I am adorned with this mysterious piece of paper giving me the authority to actually teach meditation to others, I have felt the energetics of the need to behave calm all of the time, or be perceived to be calm all of the time. That isn’t me. In this environment? During a pandemic? In lockdown with my two children? I have my personal practices which help me better parent and handle emergencies when called upon, but I do slip from time to time. I am human. I am perceiving in some circles some ‘acting’ other than what is true in the moment. My devotion is to stay real in the moment.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is no perfection in meditation. It’s a practice. Sometimes you go deep, sometimes you don’t. Honouring what arises wherever you are at in practice or in life is the perfection in it. Meditation teachers, or in fact even esoteric facilitators can get caught up on how they ‘should’ be perceived. What I feel is more important is truth. Is to show the humanness, as well as the amazing essence and divinity of someone. I can chat and even be telling a story before a meditation in my own authentic voice and expression that is relatable and HUMAN (sometimes I get excited and swear a little)- my point is, the sense of belonging can be shared. When it’s time for teaching and guiding meditation that ‘HUMAN ME’ slowly drains away and the depth of the practice comes in and service of the divinity or light, within a person and within the room is surrendered to in the moment, based on the energy of the room and who is present, we flow into a meditation aligned with this. Then after the meditation when everyone who wishes to share has shared, then I’ll chat and laugh and tell stories again. It’s a sacred union of humanness, ego and personality WITH connecting to something more than that…. just sublime….
Show me a meditation teacher who has done the work on themselves and I will see his or her authenticity. Being OK in their own methods, and styles, with life experience to have the maturity to hold space and willingness to learn from whatever is presented when it is presented is a must to gain the trust of those who are willing to enter the unknown with you. Humble to know it is the teachings, not themselves the people gather for. Devoted to getting their own ego out of the way to serve with sincerity, and devotion something higher than themselves within the room and within each person gathered. Leading by example only to reveal the truth that meditation is a tool to aid in the path of life- essentially entering the unknown and getting to know and connect to oneself in this amazing and often difficult process. It doesn’t matter which method you choose- masculine or feminine or bridging the gap between them, all can if taught in an intentional way, take you deep into connection and knowing thyself.
There are times when this is not always the case, for example some inherited diseases and illnesses, however doing a regular practice of what feels good for the body the soul has taken unique to each person, will help to reduce the ailments of the body in this instance. It is not simply a matter of moving the body and allowing it to subconsciously take care of things for you in the feminine. At least that hasn’t been the case for me, with two children to stay present for. I feel that we have evolved the masculine parts of us in this culture for a reason. Yes, there are distortions and the creation of patriarchy which has its faults, but we have the opportunity to bring consciousness or clarity to our lives. So, doing meditation under the more masculine method of witnessing, stillness, quietness is a perfect companion to the uncontrollable sometimes wild expression of the feminine.
For me, in my own practice, I cannot do one without the other, it feels like something is missing. The masculine helps us to live in this world, to be present to ourselves, to hold space for ourselves when things get difficult, to be witness with love, to act on plans and get things done out in the world. We need a healthy dose of this. But, in my teachings, there’s a gorgeous sacred union of diving equally into both, a cohesion. What one lacks, the other provides…. and vice versa. Oh, it’s such a beautiful path to walk on.
Love beyond everything. Love beyond what the word means to you. Love beyond all conformity and things you think are true. Love beyond your mind and body. Love beyond the gentlest summer evening kiss….Love beyond partnership and roles and responsibilities. Love beyond your Self. Love beyond…. just beyond….And you will taste the sweetest of tastes, smell the most fragrant of flowers…Be touched by the most purest of intentions, entering and connecting the heart and infusing with the rest of the body, seeping into the depths of your being…. Loving, simply loving beyond- in whatever form it presents whether energetic or in bodily incarnated form. Do not pine for this, nor lust for it. It already exists within- like diving into a cool pool on a summer day: Let it surround you, immerse you, hold you, nourish you, provide the opposite of your potent elements within. Let it seep into your very core. And when you think you cannot bare it. When there is a moments pause to come up for air…. that is when you surrender… surrender and lay atop of the vast depths of water- letting go of all that lies beneath, letting go of thoughts, letting go of past and future…Trusting the sacredness and love of being in this very moment- so present that the heart bursts open with rays of truth…. Once touched by sacred union, no conditioned love in life will do…