I hope everyone is going as well as can be for you. I wanted to share here that I had this overwhelming need to create a video today, but I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a talk, or guided meditation, or something else (who knows, I just get creative)! I do believe that as much as I share what feels so good in my body to share via recording (or in an in person group when lock down isn’t on), I somehow get something from it as well. Sometimes I get an energy boost from doing what I love. Or I get the creative ‘bug’, and start writing after the video where it’s like my fingers tap to some invisible rhythm and the words become the melody, or I become calm and open and spacious within. The latter occurred today. I so enjoyed sharing a meditation that I apparently needed to do myself! I love how things work, beyond what my little mind can ever imagine!! If you consider that we are all some how connected in this soup of energy, then hopefully this recorded meditation will help you, too.
I surrender, Oh I can no longer put up the walls before truth
Of love, of the ultimate connection
Of passionate embodiment, of laying alone,
Of being touched by that which cannot be explained
Of that which flows through my body,
Of that which I denied for lifetimes
Of that which no longer harbours denial.
No, take me beyond-
So far beyond that I am deeply, oh so deeply embedded within myself.
So that there is no separation
Oh, use these hands to do your will,
Use my eyes to dwell upon what I must,
Use my heart as a doorway to you
Use my body for deep connection
Take me beyond the smallness
I may wish to keep or my own egotistical reasons
Take me beyond, far beyond.
Let my soul touch and be touched by you
Let me serve you within me and without me.
Let there be a sacred connection, a bond, a knowing
That can never be spoken, such is the truth.
Let me serve the unknown, rich and potent.
I am yours…..
Featured Art by Jeffrey Lohrius
Written by Elise Heyward
Here is my video outlining a simple mini meditation when we are dealing with our children, and needing to stay calm! Meditation doesn’t have to be done in a cave completely still! It is something to apply in every moment of our lives to be present, embodied and aware. But it starts in small practices first. Give it a try! It’s worked for many clients, and it works for me!
It is the pause between the notes played where the music is most felt and experienced…. It is the pause between the in breath and the out breath where the unknown and peace dwells…. It is in the pause of the open, connected, courageously vulnerable naked gaze into another’s eyes where true intimacy is experienced and explored….. The pause…. oh, the pause…. so delicately balanced, holding the opposites of emotional drama with stillness and silence… of unwavering witness with quivering anticipation of the next ‘note’…. This silence, oh sweet delectable silence that highlights the energy within the most potently intimate crevices of our beings and interactions. May we never lose an opportunity to experience the simple delights that life has to offer. May our lives become a beautiful symphony.
Keeping meditation teaching real, bringing vulnerability and truth to the moment is so vital to keep in alignment to be of service whilst teaching an important life skill. Perfectionism will go by the wayside if we can just relax and be our authentic selves giving permission for others to do the same.
I have been contemplating what meditation is and isn’t, to me. I have had extensive training in the more esoteric background and have now come into the actual learning of different meditation techniques and gaining the qualification to teach meditation to others. What I realise I do when I guide and teach meditation is merge the two teachings together. The pearls of wisdom from my previous esoteric teachers, gathered in chaotic circumstances to uncover truth in every moment and to live from this place, with that inner connection and embodiment is gorgeous and amazing. The stillness that came with some, or most of the techniques in meditation helped me to sink roots deeper and allow higher vibrations to more consciously flow through me in the delicious, deep and patient meditation methods. So that I could really steep in my own essence, witness myself with passionate intimacy and open my mind and body into a suppleness I haven’t experienced before in my life. From studying these seemingly opposite modalities, I can see how they both are a part of a continuum of ONEness. It is creating a beautiful merging of two opposite worlds and is simply enhancing my absolute respect for both modalities.
The more feminine approach is of letting go of restrictions, of embodiment, movement, to allow chaos, flow, rawness, beauty, power, grace, and love be a part of your life. Truly embody it and allow its expression to be present. To experience the plethora of different feminine expressions within each one of us there is a need to be willing to journey into a space of letting go of control for a period of time whilst being guided by the facilitator (at the start). This is opposite of what many western cultures, and in fact many cultures teach- which is control, balance, restrict, silence, not make a scene, don’t express the full range of emotions- truth in the moment. This is often seen as ‘uncivilised’ and archaic, as if we have evolved from this type of behaviour…. but have we really evolved?The basis of these teachings I previously spoke about revolve around the fact that it is energetic- the feminine. It is called shakti in the yogic tradition as the energy that moves form- the masculine. But, over thousands of years traditions have opted to serve only that which could be seen- the masculine physical world. So the feelings, emotions, energy within and around was ignored.
The teachings taught in the Occult traditions kept the flame of the relationship between the feminine and masculine energy alive. Focused on Oneness, in these teachings, both the energy (feminine) and the physical (masculine) were equally worked with. It was known that if energy is suppressed it doesn’t go anywhere, it is stored in the body. Furthermore, this can cause disease and illness in the body. The feminine practices work to release stored energy which presents itself as pain, tension, or perhaps it hasn’t become represented in the physical form yet. So the energy clearing occurs by allowing the body to simply release what it needs to release, by moving the way it needs to move could prevent the physical expression of this, and act as a preventative or a stress release of pent up energy, kind of like pressing ‘re-boot’.
Ancient Egyptian Cults played a huge role in continuing the energetic thread of this ancient wisdom. It is in the balance of these two extreme energies that we can gain balance- not from stifling them, or restricting them with how we perceive ‘awakening’ should look. Relate this to today, even meditation teachers fall under the pressure and culture of how they themselves should be. Now that I am adorned with this mysterious piece of paper giving me the authority to actually teach meditation to others, I have felt the energetics of the need to behave calm all of the time, or be perceived to be calm all of the time. That isn’t me. In this environment? During a pandemic? In lockdown with my two children? I have my personal practices which help me better parent and handle emergencies when called upon, but I do slip from time to time. I am human. I am perceiving in some circles some ‘acting’ other than what is true in the moment. My devotion is to stay real in the moment.
One thing to keep in mind is that there is no perfection in meditation. It’s a practice. Sometimes you go deep, sometimes you don’t. Honouring what arises wherever you are at in practice or in life is the perfection in it. Meditation teachers, or in fact even esoteric facilitators can get caught up on how they ‘should’ be perceived. What I feel is more important is truth. Is to show the humanness, as well as the amazing essence and divinity of someone. I can chat and even be telling a story before a meditation in my own authentic voice and expression that is relatable and HUMAN (sometimes I get excited and swear a little)- my point is, the sense of belonging can be shared. When it’s time for teaching and guiding meditation that ‘HUMAN ME’ slowly drains away and the depth of the practice comes in and service of the divinity or light, within a person and within the room is surrendered to in the moment, based on the energy of the room and who is present, we flow into a meditation aligned with this. Then after the meditation when everyone who wishes to share has shared, then I’ll chat and laugh and tell stories again. It’s a sacred union of humanness, ego and personality WITH connecting to something more than that…. just sublime….
Show me a meditation teacher who has done the work on themselves and I will see his or her authenticity. Being OK in their own methods, and styles, with life experience to have the maturity to hold space and willingness to learn from whatever is presented when it is presented is a must to gain the trust of those who are willing to enter the unknown with you. Humble to know it is the teachings, not themselves the people gather for. Devoted to getting their own ego out of the way to serve with sincerity, and devotion something higher than themselves within the room and within each person gathered. Leading by example only to reveal the truth that meditation is a tool to aid in the path of life- essentially entering the unknown and getting to know and connect to oneself in this amazing and often difficult process. It doesn’t matter which method you choose- masculine or feminine or bridging the gap between them, all can if taught in an intentional way, take you deep into connection and knowing thyself.
There are times when this is not always the case, for example some inherited diseases and illnesses, however doing a regular practice of what feels good for the body the soul has taken unique to each person, will help to reduce the ailments of the body in this instance. It is not simply a matter of moving the body and allowing it to subconsciously take care of things for you in the feminine. At least that hasn’t been the case for me, with two children to stay present for. I feel that we have evolved the masculine parts of us in this culture for a reason. Yes, there are distortions and the creation of patriarchy which has its faults, but we have the opportunity to bring consciousness or clarity to our lives. So, doing meditation under the more masculine method of witnessing, stillness, quietness is a perfect companion to the uncontrollable sometimes wild expression of the feminine.
For me, in my own practice, I cannot do one without the other, it feels like something is missing. The masculine helps us to live in this world, to be present to ourselves, to hold space for ourselves when things get difficult, to be witness with love, to act on plans and get things done out in the world. We need a healthy dose of this. But, in my teachings, there’s a gorgeous sacred union of diving equally into both, a cohesion. What one lacks, the other provides…. and vice versa. Oh, it’s such a beautiful path to walk on.
Life isn’t supposed to go to plan. How do we truly know what is the best for us anyway?
It feels important to admit that we don’t know. That this life baffles the mind- let’s face it we are born, we live a short childhood, a long adulthood and die (typically). Inside of that we need to make money to exist in this structure of society we live….. Fear can weigh us down. Recently, the thought crossed my mind ‘how did money become the main focus here?’. It somehow slips in when I am not looking and bunkers down deeply into my psyche like a bad house guest that won’t leave, stinking up the place. No. That’s not me, babe (Johnny Cash). I know that I KNOW there is something else and every time I get sucked into this fear based thinking I would love to be reminded- there’s more. I am going to check in with myself and ask: How do I feel right now? Just to pause and ask that question is going to help beyond the drama that may be going on.
I’ve decided to challenge myself, and feel free if you want to join me- I am going to ask myself the question, “Is this from fear or openness?” Then I can go into “How do I feel right now when I’m doing this/ being with this person/ going to work etc?” And finally, the best question of all, “What is the truth I am ready to see?”
I am going to challenge myself to live in the moment, to trust in the path, to make choices based on the above questions. If you feel ready, let’s do it together. Stay tuned…..
It takes courage to look at your life with a willingness to start again. To have nothing. To surrender it all. Below is a piece for YOU. Know that you are not alone, and somehow, perhaps you can have refuge in these words, as I did watching them being typed out of my fingers. This is not a ‘how to’, or self help article. This is from one human to another. May your choices be aligned. May you feel free to live your most authentic life. May you feel connected to yourself, to others and beyond…..
Sending love and loads of hope for your journey,
No longer is it the gentle kiss as a whispered reminder of that which I cannot enter, but a deluge, a flooding, making its way through everything, dripping, drenching drowning the life I had thought up for myself containing the labels, the roles, the absolute identity…. and now…. now it is all being flooded in the rain that keeps flowing, in the tears that trickle down my face, in the swollen rivers and lakes pregnant with truth and leaking it out everywhere….. I know that I know….. Truth has a way of coming out…. Turn my face and pretend that the rivers do not spill, that the banks and their foundations are being destroyed. Pretend to be as I once was, content with the life I had created for myself, but not harbouring the whole truth until now it pulses and knocks down my door, breaks my windows and rampages through the safe house I had built, content but somewhere within deeply yearning…. I am holding onto the back door, swinging in the rampage, gripping onto the perception of who I thought I was. My fingers slipping, water pummels my head, my body, my eyes so that I cannot see… It comes strong and powerful yet with a whisper of a message, “Let go, let go, let go….”
I am already soaked through to the bone from tending my garden, Tending to my weeds and exploring my inner plants… I implore you to saturate me to my core That I may feel my pulsing energy from within So that I may be immersed in the glorious Connection and reunion with you… Again and again and again Of this I will never get tired Saturate me so that my marrow purifies And opens to the blinding radiance Splaying untruths out of me… Let me whisper only prayers from my lips Poised in the timeless moment, surrendered With the passion of an alive body, Opening, opening, opening to be saturated once more Surround me, enter me, embrace me, love me- For I am soaked through in the ever connecting light Connection…. connection…. connection….. yes Love…. deep, potent and infinite – It never left.