Crawling Back to Being Just Me (poem)

There are times I lack flow,
Understanding,
Openness….
There are times when I feel so heavy
All I can do is close my eyes
And give myself to me
Over and over again….
There may be no more beauty
than a sledge hammer.
There may be no more passion
Than a piece of cardboard.
But what is left in this moment?
What is left when all is peeled back
When I come, I sit in this place?
Me- unmasked.
Me- prepared to face truth.
I needn’t act in any way
I needn’t impress others
I needn’t talk to anyone
I may just be here in all of my shit
In all of the self talk, in all of the ugliness
In all of the unmistakeable truth
And here, here I sit, here I breathe
Here, just here in my humanness
Learning to love all there is right now
To love all the fears, the ugliness, the broken bits
Being okay, being okay with just being okay.
Just me. Being just me. Exploring just me.

Featured art by Graham Dean

Click here for my latest meditation to support yourself right now.

A Discussion on Fear and an Invitation.

Life isn’t supposed to go to plan. How do we truly know what is the best for us anyway?

It feels important to admit that we don’t know. That this life baffles the mind- let’s face it we are born, we live a short childhood, a long adulthood and die (typically). Inside of that we need to make money to exist in this structure of society we live….. Fear can weigh us down. Recently, the thought crossed my mind ‘how did money become the main focus here?’. It somehow slips in when I am not looking and bunkers down deeply into my psyche like a bad house guest that won’t leave, stinking up the place. No. That’s not me, babe (Johnny Cash). I know that I KNOW there is something else and every time I get sucked into this fear based thinking I would love to be reminded- there’s more. I am going to check in with myself and ask: How do I feel right now? Just to pause and ask that question is going to help beyond the drama that may be going on.

I’ve decided to challenge myself, and feel free if you want to join me- I am going to ask myself the question, “Is this from fear or openness?” Then I can go into “How do I feel right now when I’m doing this/ being with this person/ going to work etc?” And finally, the best question of all, “What is the truth I am ready to see?”

I am going to challenge myself to live in the moment, to trust in the path, to make choices based on the above questions. If you feel ready, let’s do it together. Stay tuned…..

All my love,
Elise

Art by Oxana Poberejnaia

The Process of Letting Go Into Change

The Process of Letting Go Into Change

It takes courage to look at your life with a willingness to start again. To have nothing. To surrender it all. Below is a piece for YOU. Know that you are not alone, and somehow, perhaps you can have refuge in these words, as I did watching them being typed out of my fingers. This is not a ‘how to’, or self help article. This is from one human to another. May your choices be aligned. May you feel free to live your most authentic life. May you feel connected to yourself, to others and beyond…..

Sending love and loads of hope for your journey,
Elise

No longer is it the gentle kiss as a whispered reminder of that which I cannot enter, but a deluge, a flooding, making its way through everything, dripping, drenching drowning the life I had thought up for myself containing the labels, the roles, the absolute identity…. and now…. now it is all being flooded in the rain that keeps flowing, in the tears that trickle down my face, in the swollen rivers and lakes pregnant with truth and leaking it out everywhere….. I know that I know….. Truth has a way of coming out…. Turn my face and pretend that the rivers do not spill, that the banks and their foundations are being destroyed. Pretend to be as I once was, content with the life I had created for myself, but not harbouring the whole truth until now it pulses and knocks down my door, breaks my windows and rampages through the safe house I had built, content but somewhere within deeply yearning…. I am holding onto the back door, swinging in the rampage, gripping onto the perception of who I thought I was. My fingers slipping, water pummels my head, my body, my eyes so that I cannot see… It comes strong and powerful yet with a whisper of a message, “Let go, let go, let go….”

 

As Deep and as High as You Want to Go….

You present yourself with gorgeous, deep roots-
Plump, pulsing with life and maze-like
Still within the package, clear and holding
You sit contained- unaware, naive…
I am entrusted to cut the end-
Pull you through and into this world
It’s as if you take your first breath….
Your roots entwine upon themselves
I gently, so gently massage them,
Patiently and lovingly sing you a song….
Until that moment of release and surrender-
And you are freed from your bonds.
Placed into the fertile soil.
Alone but lovingly adored.
There to grow as you wish,
As deep and as high as you want to go…

Being a Mother on a Spiritual Journey

Firstly, it needs to be pointed out that being a Mother in society at the moment still has conditioning and expectations attached to it about how this should look. Here in Australia, women still feel the pressure of putting their children and family first. It’s a revolutionary act to put Self first- self care and passions, above family. Revolutionary! Why? If we don’t look after Self, how can the family be vibrating in the highest potential?

There is a basic way of looking at this- every person who walks the earth right now is unique. Sure they have traits or archetypes that are strong/ weak within them, so essentially, let’s look at how the individual can best fit within the social constructs of the archetype of Mother. And what happens if you don’t fit the mold of how a Mother should behave.

Let’s break this down. The archetype of accepted ‘Mother’ expression is the Earth/ nurturing Mother
Traits: Nurturer, gentle protectoress, home maker, loving, selfless, generous, flowing, grace-filled, connecting family nucleus, raising young, homemaker, supportive

I’m writing to expose the fact that if you don’t fit this mold it’s OK. If you have ‘Mothers’ guilt’ for doing what you love- but having guilt of not being with your children, I’m here to tell you it’s worth working through that. Looking into why it is you feel that way. Is it because you feel it’s not in alignment with the conditioning and therefore you are judging yourself the way others may…. or is it that it’s not in alignment with your soul? Is it your deepest soul truth to be with your children as the archetypal Mother you’ve been exposed to? Or is it that your soul is fed elsewhere to then return back and nourish the family with passion- with energy- with a deeper connection to Self that only helps a growing family, rather than restricts it based on a single approach on how to Mother in an expanding and dynamic world.

I had a conversation with a woman who is receiving advice from her parents to stay at home for her children. But this woman needs to be free of the home two days a week to feel herself away from her roles, her titles and her obligations. So when she returns home she is refreshed, happy in herself and able to bring her confident self to her family. We spoke of there being a new way to move in this. A way that gives the finger to how things ‘should be’, a way that gives us the permission to explore what best works for ourselves in our own unique systems. How to best support our familes, children, and ourselves in this world. It’s no longer enough to say, ‘Right you’re a woman- you’ve had children. Now this is your life until you’re old.’ No! I will live my most expanded, passionate, amazing life NOW. And my children will reap the benefits of this.

We are not all the same as women. So why should the one aspect of Mothering be accepted as the norm? If it suits you, fine! But if it doesn’t then I challenge you to find out the way you can move with grace, freedom, passion and aliveness within the role of Mother that you find yourself in. Find a way to make it work for you without having that thought in the back of your mind about whether this is ‘right’ or not. The best fear tactic that can be used on us is the fear that we are f#%$^ing up our children’s life if we actually have the pull to enter the mysteries of ourselves when we have children.

It’s choice. There’s always choice. There’s a balancing out that naturally happens when walking the spiritual path and having children. Faith is needed. Patience. And a willingness to see the divine in the mundane. There are so many lessons of understanding Self- like where in yourself and what do you do you get a short fuse over! There’s a beautiful teacher right there- someone who can get you pissed off! Let’s face it, Kids are natural teachers!! Ha ha!!

The path is about connection and love- why should we separate our children from this path, and ‘wait until they are older?’ I see that as a deprivation to them. And also a lack of committing to a soul contract. If you are drawn to walk the path, it’s calling, it’s a burning flame within you that you cannot resist, nor should you, then your child who picked you as their Mother signed up for EXACTLY THAT! You, being authentically you. No matter how it looks, no matter what you are called to do to get to that- there’s the truth right there. Stop shoving yourself into a box. Explore, accept and go forth on the path of knowing thyself. Children are not shackles- we do that to ourselves in trying to fit a perfectionist role. Children are seeds we water to bloom. Be the cleanest water you can be for yourself and your own blooming, and for our children….

Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Seoro.O


The Warrior in This World

Do you dare to be different? Are you dissatisfied with how the world is run today? I want to introduce the Warrior archetype and how it’s needed in our world today in the cleanest, clearest, open, and compassionate way. It’s screaming to me to share this post here. This energy has literally saved my life on many occasions, and it rips my heart open to feel into the screwed up way it is being represented in the world, and has been in the past. It’s time to own this Warrior within ourselves. The ripple effect is massive…. And it’s a beautiful way to reduce the fear in the world once this all becomes conscious.

It’s not an easy path, but a beautiful one. It’s not for everyone, but a few. It’s a path of authenticity, It’s following a knowing, It’s having to either stand up and confront something even within self, or to sit and stay in the energy of it. It’s feeling the uncomfortable and being in it, open to what it is that needs to be learned. It’s staying for the sake of discovering truth, or leaving for the same. It’s discovering the highest good for all and doing what is necessary. It’s being on alert for ultimate truth that shows up daily, hourly, every minute, every second. What is the ultimate TRUTH?? Give me something to sink my teeth into…. GGRRR!!

If you find yourself being a non- conformist of societal norms, then a type of Warrior you are. What I am focused on is the Warrior for the unjust, the suppression of others, the sexual distortions and the greed in the world. I do work on myself in the Mars energy with love and compassion in my heart for this to be changed. My prayer is that Mars energy is consciously accessed with those who are heart aligned. My plea to you is to clear the way you are in this energy, and receiving the energy- and Rewilding does that so well, so that change may be made within our lives, and in the world. 
Thought: What is it that you could work with in Mars energy to purify in your world? What are you called to start to change within?

This path has ripped me apart. My brain had it all worked out- easy, the warrior’s path. Cool. Honesty. Honour. Pain. Good, bring it. But, I didn’t realise the level of surrender, the depths of despair, the constant requirement to check into the inner clear rod running within, the humbleness of the light that constantly brings me to my knees, the requirement to soften…. deepen, soften, and deepen….To weep in the agony, to feel ALL and act from a place of deep reverence and compassion. This, now this is the path of the warrior, and the heart of a Warrior is tested time and time again. And it needs to, for “with great power comes great responsibility…” Voltaire. Change is needed from the heart. We can start with our own lives. But there’s always a catch to this work…. It requires it ALL. Everything of you…

To have the courage to open the heart and love- only to have it broken many times over. But, it opens, once again. To have the courage to trust continually. To have courage to be seen vulnerable. To have the courage to live in truth, no matter the difficulty of that. To have the courage to see All of yourself and feel it, know it, and live it.

The difference between the Warrior and the Soldier is great. The Warrior chooses her battles. Selects and crafts direction. Then serves self and other humbly, knowingly. With freedom of choice. The soldier is told where to move and how.

Now, I’ve had this need to get into Mars energy for some time. To understand it. To feel where it is represented in society. It f**king breaks my heart how distorted it is, and how there’s nothing discussed to represent the purity of this gorgeous energy in the world. Because it is there!!!!!!

Archetype- MARS: God of War, ‘Doing’, Conquering, Change, focus, discipline, drive, confidence, assertiveness, power… 
Distortions: Separation, Greed, Sexual Exploitation, Manipulation, Senseless War, Death, Overwhelming Power, Keeping Structures in Place for Control and Manipulation.
Pure Form: Doing, Change, Raw Power, Honor, Loyalty, Compassion, heart aligned….
In the pure form arose the Shaolin monks, “Merely the material manifestation of an inner state. This unlikely fusion of a quiet spirituality with a daring physicality has driven the mythic power of the monks” (PBS.ORG). Those who can and could fight when necessary were warriors, however never lost connection to their heart and soul. Meditations daily and rigorously, fighting drills performed, pacts made to only enter combat when necessary. Oh, this is divine. How often have we asked ourselves, “Is it necessary to say this to my friend?” We choose our own battles…..

I LOVE that The Shaolin monks existed during a time of upheaval. When Power over other lands, lust, and conquering existed. This was set up as apart against this. Heart aligned. In honorable service. Interestingly enough, The Shaolin as well as the Knights Templars (European knights in service to the Pilgrimage to the Holy Land (Jerusalum)), shared an equal fate as far as the Emeror/ King went from using them in service and being an aid, to them turning on them as a powerful enemy to the Kingdom. The Knights Templar served until it was abolished, and the Shaolin warriors aligned themselves with the Rebels and continue to exist (in small numbers) today. I just love all of this…. There’s nothing more yummy then Mars energy humbled, heart aligned and in service of the greater good. Un-contaminated. Un-corruptible, it is a dangerous force for change. Taking a vow of integrity in the power that flows… As I type this I see in my minds eye an image of a warrior on one knee….

Now, I’m not saying to get into martial arts (unless you want to), I’m saying, we can apply this to our lives. This Warrior way is heart aligned, truth aligned, and fearless. This power of Mars has the ability to change so much about our own life, and the lives of others. It has the ability to change the way the world is in suffering now. Not through fighting the fights and banging heads with those in power, but via consciously working with, and applying the energy into our daily lives when called to. Imagine an empowered woman being a role model, living in truth, aligned with the purity of this energy and delivering/ or living from the heart in this energy which promotes change. Oh, sweet change….

I’m in! Who’s with me?

Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Tomasz Namielski