For Now, I am my Own Lover

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Oh, where is my muse? I whispered to myself. This is the first time I have been without a yearning for a specified other. No crush. No flirtation. No relationship. ‘Yourself’ whispered back my inner self. And so, I go on a quest deeply into myself so that there is no separation. I turn into myself with my yearning to unite, to merge, to become whole. I turn into myself and unleash my desires within me: I want to see all of my flaws, all of those things I hate about myself, all of those sticky unhealed wounds that still lay dormant not ready for exposure… I want to see my beauty, my bliss, my untethered ways: Let me see them, feel them, love them. Let me set it all free with love. Let me feel a thousand yes’s and the remaining timidity. Let me hear the screams of bliss and experience the pain of loneliness. Let me experience the blasting truth- vibrating out from my body and the agony of betrayal. Let me feel the mystical vibration of the All and the imperfection of humanness. I want it ALL. I am ready to have that relationship with myself. I am ready to commit to feeling my own energy as it rises and falls, explodes and lies dormant. No more turning my energy outwards. No. For now, I am my own Lover.

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