Firstly, it needs to be pointed out that being a Mother in society at the moment still has conditioning and expectations attached to it about how this should look. Here in Australia, women still feel the pressure of putting their children and family first. It’s a revolutionary act to put Self first- self care and passions, above family. Revolutionary! Why? If we don’t look after Self, how can the family be vibrating in the highest potential?
There is a basic way of looking at this- every person who walks the earth right now is unique. Sure they have traits or archetypes that are strong/ weak within them, so essentially, let’s look at how the individual can best fit within the social constructs of the archetype of Mother. And what happens if you don’t fit the mold of how a Mother should behave.
Let’s break this down. The archetype of accepted ‘Mother’ expression is the Earth/ nurturing Mother
Traits: Nurturer, gentle protectoress, home maker, loving, selfless, generous, flowing, grace-filled, connecting family nucleus, raising young, homemaker, supportive
I’m writing to expose the fact that if you don’t fit this mold it’s OK. If you have ‘Mothers’ guilt’ for doing what you love- but having guilt of not being with your children, I’m here to tell you it’s worth working through that. Looking into why it is you feel that way. Is it because you feel it’s not in alignment with the conditioning and therefore you are judging yourself the way others may…. or is it that it’s not in alignment with your soul? Is it your deepest soul truth to be with your children as the archetypal Mother you’ve been exposed to? Or is it that your soul is fed elsewhere to then return back and nourish the family with passion- with energy- with a deeper connection to Self that only helps a growing family, rather than restricts it based on a single approach on how to Mother in an expanding and dynamic world.
I had a conversation with a woman who is receiving advice from her parents to stay at home for her children. But this woman needs to be free of the home two days a week to feel herself away from her roles, her titles and her obligations. So when she returns home she is refreshed, happy in herself and able to bring her confident self to her family. We spoke of there being a new way to move in this. A way that gives the finger to how things ‘should be’, a way that gives us the permission to explore what best works for ourselves in our own unique systems. How to best support our familes, children, and ourselves in this world. It’s no longer enough to say, ‘Right you’re a woman- you’ve had children. Now this is your life until you’re old.’ No! I will live my most expanded, passionate, amazing life NOW. And my children will reap the benefits of this.
We are not all the same as women. So why should the one aspect of Mothering be accepted as the norm? If it suits you, fine! But if it doesn’t then I challenge you to find out the way you can move with grace, freedom, passion and aliveness within the role of Mother that you find yourself in. Find a way to make it work for you without having that thought in the back of your mind about whether this is ‘right’ or not. The best fear tactic that can be used on us is the fear that we are f#%$^ing up our children’s life if we actually have the pull to enter the mysteries of ourselves when we have children.
It’s choice. There’s always choice. There’s a balancing out that naturally happens when walking the spiritual path and having children. Faith is needed. Patience. And a willingness to see the divine in the mundane. There are so many lessons of understanding Self- like where in yourself and what do you do you get a short fuse over! There’s a beautiful teacher right there- someone who can get you pissed off! Let’s face it, Kids are natural teachers!! Ha ha!!
The path is about connection and love- why should we separate our children from this path, and ‘wait until they are older?’ I see that as a deprivation to them. And also a lack of committing to a soul contract. If you are drawn to walk the path, it’s calling, it’s a burning flame within you that you cannot resist, nor should you, then your child who picked you as their Mother signed up for EXACTLY THAT! You, being authentically you. No matter how it looks, no matter what you are called to do to get to that- there’s the truth right there. Stop shoving yourself into a box. Explore, accept and go forth on the path of knowing thyself. Children are not shackles- we do that to ourselves in trying to fit a perfectionist role. Children are seeds we water to bloom. Be the cleanest water you can be for yourself and your own blooming, and for our children….
Written by Elise Heyward
Art by Seoro.O